Hey everyone, I’m a sex addict (this is my first post in this forum so hope I’m doing it right!). I was over 2 months sober and had a relapse last week. Felt lots of shame and guilt which was horrible, but I really felt like I learnt a lesson from it. I do daily prayers and a reading from a book I was introduced to at SAA, and had let it slip for a few days, and subsequently relapsed. Although it was a horrible feeling, in a weird way I’m grateful for the experience because it taught me that when I put the work in, I’m ok and sober, but when I let it slide, my sobriety does too. Can anyone else relate?
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Yes. It’s really hard at first to form the habits that keep you sober. And then it’s important to maintain those habits through all kinds of circumstances and changes in life. You can recover, though. You can live a normal life.
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Yeah, I’ve realised over the last year that it IS possible to live a normal, happy, healthy life, but you just have to put the work in to make it happen. Part of me wonders when I’ll be ‘alright’’, like when I’ll recover, but I’m learning that it’s a constant process and I guess it’s about choosing recovery every day.
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You’re never going to be perfect. Recovery is not perfection. What does recovery mean to you? For me it’s about not having cravings. It’s not having compulsion that my willpower can’t withstand. What more could I want or hope for?
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Yeah 100%, no one can have a perfect recovery (I definitely don’t!). Your idea of recovery is really interesting - for me, i think although cravings may decrease over time they will always be there, but I don’t want to act on them. I’ve only been in recovery for a year, but I think for me it means living a positive, happy, healthy life, where I’m the best version of myself and where I am my truest self (I hope that makes sense). Like, I think I will probably always have urges and cravings, and part of me deep down will always want to chase the high, but in order to live the best life I can (for myself and others) I don’t want to give into the urges. They don’t come from a wholesome place.
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I believe you will succeed. I hope you take advantage of this forum. It has helped me so much.
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Just trust the process and enjoy the life, along the way 
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thank you 
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To me this sounds like you’re reading my mind 
Hi Lucy, my name’s Matt and I’m also a recovering sex addict. Cravings, indulgence, shame - I’ve been there. Eventually I realized it was no way to live and for the last few months I have been experimenting with ways to live a more grounded life. I feel similarly to you, that cravings may never go away entirely - they certainly haven’t yet! - but at the same time I’ve learned resilience skills (mostly from CBT) which help me talk myself back down to the ground, away from danger. I’ve also joined a sex addiction recovery group which has made a huge difference. I’ve made some good friends there 
You’re not alone in this journey. There are many of us here. I believe in you, in the grace and strength which is in you, just like it is in me. I believe our recovery is about growing into our sober selves, learning how to walk our sober path. I feel the growth as I work with my group and practice my skills (and at times when I have relapsed, I have always learned and come back stronger). I believe we are worthy people and we are living unique, valuable lives.
It’s very nice meeting you and I look forward to sharing my journey & hearing more about yours
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So from my experience in the SAA fellowship, I created 3 circles: inner (behaviours that I want to avoid), middle (things that aren’t necessarily acting out but could lead to a bit of a slippery slope towards behaviours I’m trying to avoid), and outer circle (healthy behaviours that are good for me and that I enjoy). So for me my inner circle includes compulsive masturbation, porn, and sex outside a committed relationship with my partner. Everyone’s circles are different, and it’s a very personal thing (which I think is partly what makes it so confusing and difficult at times!)
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Hey Matt, thanks for your response! Sounds like we’re on a similar path from what you’ve said. I’ve been getting some therapy which has been so so helpful, and also been going to SAA meetings which has been great.
It’s been very up and down process so far, but it really is changing my life every day, and it feels great to be taking action to better myself and to be the truest form of myself, and from what you’ve said it sounds like you feel the same way!
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Welcome, Lucy!
As a fellow in recovery from sex, love and fantasy addiction, I can totally relate.
I had many slip ups and relapses for years, and I didn’t get long term sobriety until I stopped thinking I didn’t have to work recovery every day.
It works if you work it!
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Sex addiction has two sides to it: the compulsive acting out on one side, and the anorexia on the other side. As a process addiction, it’s what makes it slightly different from substance addictions. Regardless, there’s an unhealthy preoccupation with sex to the point of unmanageability.
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Definitely.
In our group, we are using “Facing the Shadow” by Patrick Carnes. It has the three circles you mentioned above (and lots of other good stuff). Do you guys have a book you use?
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Hi Neal 
100% I think that’s what my last slip up has made clear to me - reinforcing sobriety daily and ensuring that you keep doing everything you can to stay sober is the most effective way. Little and often. I still feel like i’m pretty new to this process but its something that has become very clear.
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I haven’t heard of that one but will check it out. Personally I love Answers in the Heart. It’s a set of daily readings, one for each day of the year, and I try to read it every morning to set me up for the day. Sometimes the readings speak to me so powerfully, they seem to come at just the right times
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Wow, that looks great! I will get myself a copy. Thanks!
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Excellent book. My sex addict library:
AITH
Hope and Recovery
Big Book
Green Book
SLAA Basic Text
Out of the Shadows
The Gentle Path
He Restoreth My Soul
Big Book Awakening
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I would love to find the online version of this book.
Unfortunately no luck in that so far.
Maybe someone will make pictures/scan it and upload it for others to read it 
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I have it on Amazon Kindle, but do you mean another online version?