I am new here. It’s a pleasure to meet you all, and I look forward to reading and contributing posts.
I have an addictive personality. I can’t seem to enjoy anything in moderation. If I open a bag of chips, it’ll be gone in one sitting.
The same goes for alcohol. For some reason, alcohol has more power over me than anything else (I find it pretty easy to not buy junk food, probably because of my vanity and fear of getting fat).
Despite thousands of attempts, I can never ‘just have one drink’. I always end up having at least upwards of 7 or 8 (I am a small person, so that’s a lot for me).
Guilt and shame inevitably follow the next morning.
Question - is teetotalling the only realistic goal for people like us? The thing is, I still want to enjoy a drink every now and then with family and friends (particularly around holidays and birthdays etc).
What strategies or methods have worked for you?
Alcohol is very present and available in all my social circles, work and family. I’d rather not have the temptation around, but getting rid of all alcohol in sight is not practical or realistic.
I’m in the very early stages of my journey. I can barely make it two days without a drink - the cravings on day 2 or 3 are so powerful.
The short answer is no. Moderation is not a viable option.
My favorite answer is…
Give yourself the gift of freedom from alcohol! It will take some work to learn how to do it. There are lots of resources available to assist. There are so many benefits and really no drawbacks to living a sober life once you decide it is for you. Once you make the decision and embrace all that comes with it, you can live without the anxiety and stress of managing the drinking cycle of shit.
Welcome and take a look around for so
Much learning and so much support. I wish you the best.
Hi @ducksauce88 Pleasure to meet you as well! Like you, moderation’s not really our thing.
For me the answer is yes, teetoltalling is the only realistic goal. For me it’s not just a goal though, it’s who I am. I am a Teetotaller, a Happy Nondrinker. The slope is just too slippery for me. I had to learn that the hard way, but man do I Thank God everyday that I did finally learn it. Sounds like you may be ahead of that learning curve, you realize alcohol isn’t for you, that you can’t stop…
"Despite thousands of attempts, I can never ‘just have one drink’. I always end up having at least upwards of 7 or 8 (I am a small person, so that’s a lot for me).
Guilt and shame inevitably follow the next morning."
Listen to your gut, sweet friend. It’s telling you that you too, are a Happy Nondrinker just waiting to get on with your beautiful, messy, happy, free life.
If you like to read, I always recommend the one that helped me save my life…Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol https://a.co/d/hOByJyn
Or a little less hardcore…This Naked Mind Boxed Set https://a.co/d/e6CE9P5
And also…
The Easy Way for Women to Stop Drinking https://a.co/d/inoJw5w
There’s lots more help around here. Just poke around. Glad you’re here! Hope to see you around. Enjoy your Sunday!
Welcome to TS. We are a community where you can find lots of ressources and help if your aim is to live sober.
Sober because most of us have learnt the hard way that using/drinking in moderation or occasionally is not working and in the end not worth the energy.
Learning to be a moderate drinker is not possible in my opinion. There are no classes or instructional videos. Either you are a moderate drinker or you are not and nothing you do will change that. The analogy…“a pickle cannot be turned back into a cucumber” helped me to accept the fact that I’ll never be a normal drinker again.
For anyone questioning their relationship with alcohol, I always suggest reading chapter 3 in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Anyway, I’m glad you’re here exploring sobriety. There are tons of great topics to help you along in your journey.
Based on the personal situation you describe I feel sobriety is the answer. Have you ever sought mental health treatment for the root cause of your addictive personality?
I think all has been said. So I just want to say welcome to the community and looking forward to seeing you around. I’m very early in my journey too, so I’ve not come to terms with the never ever drinking again concept yet. I just take it one fucking day at a time and hope to learn and grow more with every one of those days.
Thanks everybody for your kind and thought-provoking responses!
I will address specific points/questions individually, particularly those I felt strongly about.
The general view seems be ‘no’; that it would be better for people with our condition to not touch alcohol at all.
(Humour me as I play devil’s advocate…)
While total abstinence is the noble choice (not to mention, healthier and cheaper), part of me questions how realistic and necessary adopting this lifestyle would be.
As mentioned, I am a very sociable person who loves getting together with people and having a good time - it’s what I’m known as: the social butterfly or party animal.
So, ditching alcohol would be saying goodbye a central aspect of my personality and social life, I’d also lose friends. So I’m asking myself: why can’t I just learn to drink in moderation like everybody else? Am I throwing the baby out with the bathwater by going dry?
The other issue is practicality. I can’t control the fact that alcohol will be ever-present at friends’ and families’ homes and work events etc. Is it really easier to go totally alcohol-free (exerting huge will-power and social awkwardness) rather than learn to learn to drink in moderation?
Thanks again for reading. I can already see that this is a wonderful and supportive community.
It really is a wonderful community. I think the answers to your questions posed is that we ALL tried to “learn” to moderate and none of us succeeded. What many of us have now is a life much better than what you are describing you are afraid of losing. Many of us were just like you as far as activities and personality. If I look back, I probably had five or so years from where you are at today (trying to moderate) before my last drink in March of 2021. Those five years were filled with very low bottoms and lots of pain, but that’s what it took for me to give up the fallacy that I could moderate.
SMART Recovery does offer harm reduction techniques if you would like to check them out.
I think you know the answer. It’s up to you to decide when you are comfortable enough to admit to yourself that you are an addict, only then can you move forward. It sounds like you might not be ready to admit it.
I’ve spent my life around music and comedy, alcohol and drugs seemed like a central component of the “social aspect”, when in reality it’s codependent aspect. I haven’t sacrificed any of my social life to be sober, but I have outgrown my codependent acquaintances.
@completely Yes that’s right. I’ve often said to myself “OK, tonight only 1 drink and that’s it”. It always fails, which is why I was wondering whether learning to drink moderately was futile, or if I was hard-wired to always go overboard…that latter seems to be the case!
@LAB That is very true. Occasionally, I make it through the entire month without a single drink (like, Dry January). It takes huge willpower and social ‘engineering’. But I felt so good at the end of the month: I wasn’t wasting money, I lost some weight and my skin cleared up. Not to mention better sleep, more energy and focus etc…I’m doing my best to focus on those benefits!!
@BirdyP We must have been sick that day when they taught moderation at school!! Your story is encouraging. I aspire to be a Happy Non-Drinker but I’m just concerned that I am setting myself up to fail. I will get shamed and made to feel like a party pooper. You see, I haven’t got the willpower to not cave into peer pressure as well as alcohol…It also sounds like you’re a believer. For what it’s worth, I am a Christian and this is something I’ve prayed about countless times.
@anon74766472 Thank you for your response. I’m a little disappointed that moderation hasn’t worked out for most people…I thought I could find a happy medium between total sobriety and binge-drinking. Wisdom of those who have gone before me suggests otherwise.
@Thirdmonkey Interesting point! I have no issues with the word “teetotal”. It’s much quicker than saying “a lifestyle with totally no alcohol”. My situation is a little different from yours. The thing is, I really do enjoy a drink and I’ve had great times with friends and family. My problem is, I can’t draw a line. That you gave alcohol up and improved your life is encouraging.
@Lisa07 Thanks for pointing out that resource. I will check it out. Your pickle analogy is interesting. Although as I’ve mentioned above, I’m a bit sad that the best advice seems to be that I have to give up alcohol completely, because pickles can’t change back into cucumbers. Thought-bubble: will becoming a parent force me to learn to drink moderately?
If you read around the forum, especially those posters who already have a good while of sober life under their belt, you notice that life does go on. They’ve found new things in life like hobbies, passions, freedom, friends etc because they decided to pursue healthier life style and relationships. Some are even able to attend social events where alcohol is present after they’ve become stronger in their sobriety.
Whether these friends of yours would ditch you because you stopped drinking (which actually means you decided to save your own life!) then I don’t know how good friends they really are.
The question of addiction is not only “not using”. It’s also about daring to look the reasons why you first started to use whatever it is you’re addicted to.
You are more than welcome to ask questions and find out here. The general consensus on the forum is that moderation does not work - simply because it really really does not work. Life is better sober.
No I’ve never really raised my addictive personality with any professional, because alcohol aside, it doesn’t really affect my life.
As I said, I’m quite good at saying no to junk food (even though I love it). With alcohol it’s a different story, maybe because it’s a mood enhancer.
If there’s any ‘root cause’ going on, it would be deeper mental health / spiritual / social issues, which I use alcohol to mask…that is a work in progress.
Pleasure to meet you as well! Like you, moderation’s not really our thing. 
Hope to see you around. Enjoy your Sunday!
