Learning to be a moderate or social drinker - unrealistic goal?

Thanks very much for the tips. Yes you’re so right.

I’ve done ‘dry’ months before and they had a minimal effect on my usual drinking habits in the long-term.

It just shows that alcoholism is deeply wired. No magic bullet!

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Very true but as you go along youl see that although its hard sobriety will keep showing you and giving you little gifts as you go along its all really quite an eye opener…try your best to really believe in what your doing and these will keep becoming apparent just try to spot them by keeping a gratitude journal, getting to know yourself more, what you enjoy, what makes you happy and do those more…i have actual lists on my phone of these, its not easy but i can tell you with certainty that its worth it

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Such good advice!

I love what you said about sobriety “offering you little gifts along the way”. It’s a marathon not a sprint.

What I do is to make a mental note of the benefits and how good I feel when I’ve gone x days/weeks without drinking:

I feel so much sharper and clearer mentally, quicker, more energetic, better sleep, clearer skin etc. Not to mention, better bank balance!!

When I get discouraged or tempted to drink, I fixate on these things.

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Thats brilliant, your life doesnt have to come to a stand still just because you dont drink, quite the opposite…alot of this sober carry on is mindset…if you think its gonna be hard and total drudgery then it most likely will be, instead why not embrace it to its fullest. You will inevitably get good days and bad but isnt that just life anyway? Remember that we are all here for you on hard days and reach out because we all do this together :heart: :people_hugging:

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It is possible. It only has to stick once. :purple_heart:

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Have you read Alan Carrs quitting alcohol book? He has this analogy for addiction that I think of often;

  • When a bug attempts to drink from a pitcher plant the addictive liquid draws them in and keeps them drinking even when their life is unknowingly in danger
  • They fall deeper and deeper into the plant until they hit the toxic pool of other dead bugs
  • The temptation of drinking the addictive liquid has now consumed them and made them a part of the tempting solution
  • Alcohol and the effects it has on the brain can seal a similar fate for some people – But it is disguised by the euphoric feelings you get with your initial drink
  • Though we, like the bugs believe we can simply fly away at any point, it’s often easier said than done

I think over the years I have had to come to my own decisions about moderation. I’ve had periods when I decided ‘it’s Christmas, I’ve got six months sober and I think I could introduce alcohol in for special occasions’ and then slowly slid from a drink at the Christmas party, to a few drinks the following weekend, to drinking every weekend, to a binging and drinking every evening and being back stuck at square one wanting to get sober again. I think I’ve really had to keep tripping up and failing at moderating to finally land where I am now. My sobriety became a lot easier to deal with when I got off the seesaw of wondering if I could ever moderate alcohol again. Every time I tried I relapsed hard, and now I just know, I can’t. Not even once anymore. And that knowledge is freeing.

I wish you all the best :heartpulse: keep checking in here with us!

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The benefits are real. There are literally not enough hours in the day to fit in all the new hobbies and social engagements in my new better life. True story.

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Amazing! Really encouraging.

I’d love to hear all about it if you don’t mind sharing. :slight_smile:

I’ve not heard of that book but I will look it up. That bug analogy seems very accurate.

You’ve brought up Christmas / the holidays, which is a pretty concern for me.

In my social and family life, Christmas is a REALLY big deal. I live abroad and normally go home for Christmas, so it’s normally a really big celebration with endlessly flowing alcohol.

I’m bracing myself for a little social abruptness / awkwardness when I decline all drinks and everyone around me is getting more and more smashed by the minute.

But as we all say, one day at a time. :slight_smile:

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This is where “one day at a time” comes into play, just like the words “no future tripping”. You’re here, you’re sober. Just for today -that’s another one- we will not drink, or smoke or snort or inject or swallow or not engage in the addictive behaviours that keep us enslaved. We can’t look that far ahead, but today we can manage. Today we’re sober. Together.

When you work your sobriety odaat, when christmas comes you’ll have a whole new set of tools that will help you make it through.

How this thread is turning out makes me happy :people_hugging: :heart:

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Amazing! Yes x1000 to everything!

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Ok sure.
I joined a rock climbing club and now I’m out at least twice a week with that, and away for club weekends, the number of climbing friends has just gone up massively and it’s all very encouraging and inspiring.

I have taken up jogging and like to do that when I can.

I’ve joined a wood working group and so far made a banjo and a garden swing, I’m now making a walking stick for my dad.

I started doing the social media pages for two charity groups which is fun and a good artistic outlet.

I have joined more conservation volunteering work and try to squeeze this in when I can. So far this year I’ve planted over 40 trees.

I started social dancing last year and can now dance Lindy Hop and Collegiate Shag, I’ve also tried blues dancing and Balboa. I attend a regular dance class once a week and there are social dances every month. I’ve met a lot of new people thru this, none of them drink heavily during social nights.

I’ve been out roller skating a couple of times and would like to improve but there’s not enough time.

I’ve started open water swimming again.

All of this is around my day job and other continued hobbies like hiking and camping

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Wow! That is actually impressive. I got tired just by reading your list of activities and hobbies. :joy:

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@LeeHawk said it all right here.

I spent so long trying to control it, it never occurred to me just how much simpler life could be if I quit. Maybe I didn’t wanna believe it.

I spent so many mental calories drinking it was exhausting. Life so full of doubt. “I don’t drink” leaves no doubts.

I’d rather go through life sober wondering if I’m am alcoholic, than drunk wondering if I can get sober.

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For what it’s worth, it may just be because it’s difficult to imagine yourself in those (maybe any) situations without drink in hand.

I can say, it took a while to get to know that version of me. Still does. To work through all fear and insecurity and be my genuine self. To come to enough faith in my own skin, the thought of a drink no longer has any appeal.

We don’t need a drink to know a life full of laughter!

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