I read my story in your message…
Recognize it all.
Glad you are heading towards a new direction now as well as I did. Maybe you would like to check out this very informative thread:What's YOUR plan? It gives a bit hand and feet on how to start. And here you find how I did it:2 years sober and what helped me to get there: if you are interested. Maybe you see something you can use too 
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