Left my relationship.. newly sober and newly single

Last night I found out that my boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months has been lying to me about several things. I dont want to get into the details, but it turned out that he was the cliche of all the “worst parts of men” that you can think of (and I dont mean all men are like this).

Anyway! I am newly sober and now newly single. Today is my 27th day and I’m really proud of that. However, although I am okay right now, I am worried about my emotions leaving me vulnerable to the addiction voice in my head.

I am also worried about getting back into socializing again or how to even do it. Old me would just head down to the bar where I have a 9 out of 10 chance of seeing someone I know. I lost all of my friends in this relationship and was entirely isolated to my boyfriend. I moved out of my hometown to be with him. I luckily have a very supportive family so I am not completely alone, but everyone needs friends. So I am newly single, sober, and living out of my mother’s spare bedroom until I find an apartment. My world has crashed down around me… help…


What activities do you like doing? Are there any clubs for activities that you like? You would meet people in a sobriety group setting as well, if you were willing to try groups like that. I would recommend joining a gym for exercise or getting exercise some other way (unless you already do that).

Congratulations on 27 days. Without a relationship you can focus on yourself more. I recommend dating yourself and taking care of you.


I know it hurts now but count your blessings you found out he’s not worthy now instead of later.
Every hardship we make it through does make us stronger; show your strength by being the best version of you.
I wouldn’t try getting back out there too soon, there’s a lot to do on your own.


I like doing yoga. I am going to look for a studio and start going regularly. By sobriety group setting, do you mean AA meetings? I have never been to one, but it has crossed my mind.

I definitely don’t plan on dating anytime soon. I have a lot of work to do and a new chapter to write so I am looking forward to a lot of self care.

Thanks for the words of encouragement and advice. Its really appreciated :slightly_smiling_face:


Thank you, I will try to keep that in mind. I am turning 31 this year and it just feels like there’s a lot of pressure to find someone, but I definitely plan on taking a few months off from dating at least. I appreciate the words of encouragement :slightly_smiling_face:


Love the yoga suggestion. It helps build community and is also a wonderful stress release and healing practice. Maybe explore your town more? Hiking or parks nearby? Maybe hiking or walking groups if that is something you enjoy.

Sorry about the bf, but good to know now before you are more invested in the relationship. :people_hugging:


I don’t think it’s crashing down around u at all! I think it’s just beginning ! :clap:t2: you should feel proud. Take advice above and just flourish ! You got this ! :people_hugging: :people_hugging:


Perhaps a volunteer group if you’re able. I like goats and wanted to find a petting zoo so i could pet a goat. I found out they needed volunteers and got linked to thier volunteer community. Is there something like that you could make space for in your life?


Ok, so right now id say dont put any pressure on yourself wondering how youl socialise in the future etc etc your hurt at the moment so for now just be super kind to yourself for as long as it takes for you to start feeling better, show yourself the same compassion you would a close friend going through the same, life will test your sobriety but you dont need that crap to get better, treat yourself kindly, vent here and dont pick up xx


Sure AA, celebrate recovery, smart recovery something like one of them if it interests you. Just find what works for you and go with it. Best wishes

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I’m so sorry to hear this but this is the beginning of a new chapter wherein you take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who are worthy. To echo some other folks, be kind to yourself, be your own best friend. I catch my own internal dialogue as being so negative at times, it’s important to catch that and have compassion for ourselves. I’m one day behind you and I’m encouraged by your progress, it’s inspiring! :purple_heart:


Yes, being in nature is so healing. I am excited to frequent all of my old favorite trails with my dog. I dont know where I would find a hiking group, but I could check the local YMCA.

Thanks for the kind words. :slightly_smiling_face: You are right, better to find this out sooner rather than later…


Thanks so much! :slightly_smiling_face: Its hard to feel proud when it took all of my strength to leave and now he is saying its been a misunderstanding and wants to talk, blah blah blah… it’s strange how the way he is acting reminds me of the alcohol addiction voice in my head, just trying to pull me back in, even though everytime its a disaster. Its hard… :persevere:


Thats a wonderful idea! There is a local petting zoo and I bet they wouldn’t mind free help. They should open for the season soon and when they do I’ll check. Thank you :slightly_smiling_face:


I really appreciate the advice. :slightly_smiling_face: I will definitely reference this post in the future.

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Thanks! I’m honored to share the road with you! I 100% relate to the negative self talk and feeling like I put too much pressure on myself at times smh… Comforting to be reminded that I am not alone in that. Being conscious of things and mindful is such a great form of self care. Thanks for the advice :slightly_smiling_face:


Sometimes it feels like everything is crashed down around you but it’s really a chance at a fresh start. Rebuilding stronger.

I know nothing about your relationship, but that type of isolation usually comes from being with a narcissist. I’m confident you will be so much more happy.

Being sober is what will create the opportunities for you to live your best life. No exaggeration, if you stick with sobriety you will slowly gain everything you deserve over time.

It’s amazing what sobriety does for our health, relationships, wallet, communication, thinking, decisions, and careers. Things become more clear overall. That’s not to say it’s not difficult, it is, but anything worth doing takes work.

Since you are newly sober, remember feelings and emotions can feel very strong if not overwhelming. That’s ok, feel everything, you are human. Be easy on yourself and don’t dwell on things you have no control over. Just focus on you and right now!


Yeah I believe he is one unfortunately…

It does feel really overwhelming undergoing accepting this reality of my relationship… I do feel as though I only have the capacity to care for myself and my sobriety right now and it sucks that I feel guilty for that, but thats probably just part of the narcissistic manipulation… ugh.

Its a lot all at once. Thanks so much for the pep talk. :slightly_smiling_face:


I understand that. I broke up with my other half yesterday. I’m glad I did though. I didn’t even plan to do it. Even though it has been a thought. I just wanted some reassurance that we want the same out of life. This relationship etc and he like completely lost it. We haven’t talked since. Kinda thought maybe he would call after work and we could discuss the issue. I’m not even going to let it get to me. It’s obviously the best decision. He obviously isn’t ready to be a husband and father and with me that’s what u will be. Sorry vented a bit there. I just am staying as positive as possible and I do not mind spending time with my kids and being alone. If u ever want to talk or vent my message box is open and I’ll respond when I see it. :people_hugging: :people_hugging: stay focused and do what’s best for u always !


Wow that is definitely a lot you got going on I am kinda in the same boat my bf doesn’t want to quit meth and I have been sober from heroin and meth now for over two months and it feels great to me . And you can do this to. Just keep up the good work I am living with my ex bf and his mom in their apartment but , I am currently looking for a place for me and my two year old son I am currently also fighting in a DCS case to get my son back and only thing holding me back is being a felon and not being able to get one bc of that reason which really sucks but if you don’t mind me asking what drugs did I get sober from . Here to chat anytime loved your post keep up the good work! You can do this