Let's talk about sober sex


#22

I can’t remember what a sex is.


#23

All work and no play makes DresdenLaPage a chef… or musician…:metal:t3::sunglasses:
.


#24

Oddly enough, shallow I know but I was 16, the reason I became a chef was because I heard that women were attracted to musicians and chefs. I already had guitar down so I thought id double up my chances.

It was a lie. I fact, what I have found is that there is actually a vast amount of men who THINK women are attracted to men who play guitar and can cook. No, women like men who come home at a reasonable hour to be partner/husband/father etc etc… all the things I cannot be right now.

Actually, I tell a lie. Aussie women seemed to love it. But thats a mighty way from here.


#25

Thats not shallow man, at 16 we were all trying to…:thinking:…be chefs and musicians.:grin:


#26

I’m not a doctor but I know for a fact diet and exercise play a huge roll in this. Have you tried zinc supplements, do you workout moderately at least 2-3 times a week?


#27

Harder having sober sex single. Idk if it’s bc it lets the inhabitions go or what but I haven’t been in a relationship since being sober then relapsing and I guess sober now, 1 day… But meting soneone and then taking her to bed is not easy just flat out sober. Idk does anyone else know what I’m talking about?


#28

Couple of suggestions:, sex therapist (professional, not with crystal ball), (tantric) yoga, maca powder, ashwagandha. The last mentioned supplements are not psychoactive and safe to use for men in normal dosage. Time to heal :slight_smile:

Edit the coach of our minnesota program said that if a person who has a long sobriety started to use again, it has probably to do sth with problems in sexuality


#29

I think I believe that coach. I used to try too much to isolate myself to stay sober. Avoiding girls and invitations, because I thought I wasn’t « ready », though I really desired them. So after half a year I picked up drinks again and woke up with someone I would’ve not wanted to. Guess I’ve been fighting on too many sides for me. We’re humans. Im trying to not do the same thing this time, but it’s a total different game when sober.


#30

So true. I believe many suffer from problems with sexuality, bcs the way it is present in our society is so twisted. Alcohol or any drug or form of addiction are one of the core reasons to use, relieve the anxiety, loosen up our fears etc…
I just dont even think about sex so much lately. It s just too big issue to handle right now. And i live with a person who uses, so…


#31

I can honestly say i have not had sober sex since since i was around 20 and that was one time it was and still is the best time to date! Im now 30 but my next encounter will be sober… though a long way off as not dating or looking to date for a while. Hopefully i remember what to do though!


#32

To be candid, i have no sex drive unless I’m drunk as a skunk, and im sure it’s due to certain meds/and an unfortunate past. My poor love thinks its his fault, and i have no idea how to convince him otherwise. Im only 27 for Pete’s sake, i feel so dysfunctional!!! Please, anyone similarly suffering, let me know im not crazy!!


#33

Oh I hear you. I wish I decided to become sober once I was already in a relationship! Being single, it seems 95% of first dates want to go out for a drink, the majority even stipulate some form of drinking in their profiles. Then what the hell do you do if you manage to avoid alcohol long enough to actually be in a position with a date to consider sex, I’ve been drunk pretty much every single time the first time.

Nope my friend, it’s time to face reality, we just no longer will have sex again, but don’t worry, there’s lots we can do, we can become priests, become monks, become porn addicts… see the future’s bright


#34

I can relate! When talking to men and planning first dates really the first they suggest is going to have dinner and a “good wine” to get to know me.
Why :sob:
We should all start a group on here, The forgotten ones or something like that :joy::rofl:


#35

Coffee shops are great for first dates. Lunch or dinner for the 2nd…


#36

Almost every dating app I’ve seen has a section for how much alcohol you consume ranging from never - social - often - lots or something similar. Almost everyone puts “social” as who wants to admit they have issues right. Then you have the pictures on there of nights out, in beer gardens in summer, the “crazy night we had”, pretending to down a bottle of champagne, but of course they only drink socially. Manage to find someone who might actually just drink socially, great! First date, like you say, “let’s go for a drink, get to know each other, I really love gin”. Yes, yes I really love gin too, like really really love it. Like so much once we’ve finished on the date you can leave and I’ll stay in the bar alone and continue drinking :joy::joy:.

I’m learning web development, I’ll make a sober dating app!


#37

Yes, but often they just don’t want to go have a coffee :expressionless:


#38

Yes lol , that could happen then


#41

38 here and with my wife for like 12 years ish… i know everyone is saying that sober sex is the best, but to me so far its kinda rhetoric. Not feeling it. Its not as good or interesting. Now at this point in my walk id say its a way more stable option than better sex with the hook of feeding a deadly addiction or the possible arguements that could come with drinking depending on how the pendulum swings. What i can see and feel is a slow deeper connection forming so thats good (friends have that though.) We are also healthier people doing more activities together so im keeping the faith that we will end up having fun sex again as we build this new life (of course! my wife is the best and the sweetest person i know, but do i want to go boom boom boom in her zoom zoom as much? No. im just being completely honest here as always) in 10 years of marriage and 12 years together I’ve learned having a life mate is an ever gtowing connection. Full of highs and lows, just gotta stay the course, keep the faith and insert as many Cliches as possible when tying! :wink: Good luck all


#42

Also if your taking any antidepression medication (as it seems many do) that enhances your serotonin levels will cause issues here. Higher serotonin levels makes u less romanticlly involved and inhibits any obcessive thoughts of your partner…


#43

My brother is a mechanic and once said sex and the internal combustion engine are all the same - Suck, squeeze, bang, blow.

No I get that. When I was drinking my plan for the day would literally be to get drunk enough to confidantly get laid. Now I don’t drink or use drugs, I’ve got no interest in it.