This is something o discussed with my husband. I said I don’t want to drink unless I was positive I could have just one. The longer I am alcohol free the more I realize that won’t happen. Honestly I physically feel so good I don’t want to go back. But emotionally is another story. I am so scared my friends will find me boring now.
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If they are your friends then they won’t find you boring just because your not drinking.
But if I’m honest in my experience a lot of people react strangely to you being sober. I think it often makes people concerned that it shines a light on themselves.
If you genuinely have the illness of alcoholic then in my experience you will never be able to get to a place where you can just enjoy one or two. Maybe for a long period of time you could but eventually that dam will burst and the binge will happen.
SMARY RECOVERY have a good CBT tool called cost benefit analys. Maybe try it and see how it plays out.
Cost of not having one or two = the benefit
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I agree it must be nice to be able to do that and not risk bursting the dam and going on a bender.
Unfortunately fore I can’t do that but if I do a cost benefit then it works out that not having the times where I have one or two is worth giving up for the benefit of a binge free life
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This is the part that I can relate too because I am also a binger. I can go weeks or even months at a time before having a slip up. Generally the slip ups happen because I convince myself that I’m “fine” because I haven’t drank in so long. But my slip ups always turn into binges that are incredibly hard to get out of. And my binges turn into blackouts at some point where I am just awakening inner demons that I haven’t dealt with in real life and I end up saying some of the worst crap to the people closest to me. I hate it. They don’t call it wine and “spirits” for nothing I guess. I am so much happier and feel way more balanced when I’m sober. I think it is important for us bingers to recognize that is also alcoholism.
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This is EXACTLY me. I got stuck in a pattern… One day on and two days off. Was going on and on for years. Then within the last 4 months my binges started getting longer where I was going 2 -3 days on then 2 days off. I knew I was getting worse. The worst I’ve ever been ever in my life. Losing track of the time the day…you know it’s bad when that starts to happen. I woke up from a binge almost 10 days ago and I just felt like shit I had tried a couple times this past year to stop and relapsed everytime I never made it past 4 days. This time feels different… I feel great and I don’t ever wanna go back!!!
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Those binges are the worst when they start becoming more frequent like that. I always have struggled coming out of them because I just feel so sick and get crippling depression for like the first week of it. I’m on night 17 now and I’m feeling a lot better myself.
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They are the worst…and the aniexty the next while is like hell! Not remembering your conversations is bad !!! Congratulations… I hope to catch up to you soon 
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I can relate to your pattern a lot also. I would tell myself all the same things and for a time I might even drink and stop after a few. But for sure I would definitely get to complete blowout and then I would become very dangerous to myself.
Alcohol is literally a poison and for some the effects it has are much more severe in altering their brains chemical makeup.
I hate that something can make me a passenger in my own mind to the point that home and family don’t even exist.
Yes I’ve had moments that I can have a couple and it’s nice but are those moments really that important to me that they are not worth giving up to ensure I never binge again, never get locked up again, never become vulnerable to attacks, never disregard home and family again, never feel so low and scared like a wounded animal the next day??? No they are not worth it!
And their lies the battle. Reminding yourself what you gain from sobriety Vs the nice moments you lose.
And if I’m being honest, those nice times are few and far between
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I think it was you that mentioned alcoholism as a progressive disease and I think I just truly grasped that concept. So it starts off smaller, like with the lighter binges that might be several days apart. Then maybe those binges turn into more drinks during the binges. Then the breaks in between get fewer and far between until all of a sudden you’re drinking almost every night. Then for some folks it turns into literally every night with no breaks for the rest of their life basically. That actually hits home pretty hard for me. I am in every sense of the word a binge alcoholic. There were times in my life where the nights off became far and few between, and this summer was particularly rough. I have had many more days/weeks/months without drinking since I started my sobriety journey in 2018. It breaks my heart to think about it being a progressive disease because my boyfriend is literally in the throws of it with chronic alcoholism. In the nearly 3 years I’ve known him now, I haven’t seen him go more than 3 days without drinking, and that was honestly only once because I basically begged him to take a break. I could tell the anxiety and depression was killing him over those 3 days though and he fell right back into it. He really suffers with the chronic disease of alcoholism and it just worries me for his health so much. I wish he could come out the other side of it and see what it feels like to truly be sober. It makes it so hard for me to stay in my sobriety being a binge alcoholic with a chronic alcoholic, but I am hoping that once I feel like I am strong enough to really feel like I am over this “hump” I can encourage him to come out of his as well. He basically has been on a 20 year binge now, and I know it started off small then built up into the every drinking.
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Saaaaaaaaaaaaame!
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I can’t imagine what it must be like to have the issues we have and your partner have the same illness!
My wife is a normal drinker in every sense and tbh she’s got to the age now that she can’t really be bothered with a few.
Her father was a drinker for years but she’s never had an issue.
I’m sorry that you are going through that and I have no experience bof it myself but I’ve heard a lot of people say you need to out your own sobriety first
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Hi all
I attended AA on and off for 20 years but like you couldn’t grasp it
It made me stay in the past and remind of the terrible things I had done.
And I refused to do the steps, personal choice.
I’m sober by meditation mindfulness and online support
AA is a great support network, just not for me.
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This resonated so much with me! I’m also a binge drinker and also noticed the same behavior with food.
A big switch for me was when I realized I actually don’t want to drink, it adds nothing to my life, it helps remind me I’m not deprived of not drinking but gaining by not drinking. If that makes sense
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Makes a lot of sense!
That’s why the SMART RECOVERY approach talks to me because the aim is to use cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to readjust your mind so that you don’t desire to drink at all.
The thing I’ve realised from my recent slip is that the behavioural therapy can be packed by your life and therefore you need to use the tools especially in times of high stress and anxiety from life just to reaffirm that cognitive change.
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Hi, I just joined yesterday but this was the first thread I read. I went through some trauma a few years ago and since then my drinking has been at an unhealthy level. I never needed a drink in the morning, but when I got home from work I’d want to drink til I fell asleep. In the last 2.5 years I’ve reduced down to 2/3 nights a week but still drinking til I pass out. It’s like I don’t know when to stop. A couple of drinks never feels like enough. After reading this thread I realise that it’s binge alcoholism, despite saying I’m not an alcoholic because I don’t feel the need to drink every day.
I don’t really have a point to make, but thank you for sharing your stories and making me realise that I’m not alone.
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Hi Em and welcome!
That’s the reason I thought this thread would be helpful. I remember going to AA meetings and some stories on here and one-to-one chats my brain would be processing all of this and id be…“well I drink less days then I do and I never want a drink in a morning or once I’ve crashed after s binge so maybe I’m not an alcoholic … actually I’m not I just need to control it better”
Then I’d be battling this every time I had a binge and felt so low about the shit it done. It took me a long time to realise I was an alcoholic but my pstter was binge drinking but it would eventually take away everything from me in the same way an alcoholic that drank daily.
Two different routes but same destination.
My advice for what’s it’s worth is explore your addiction yourself and find out what works for you.
Some great books/audible out there that I’m sure you can relate to.
AA might work for you it does for many .
SMART RECOVERY has been very helpful for me.
This app is great for daily use and helps you focus.
I wish you well and ultimately no one can tell you if you are an alcoholic because it doesn’t matter, you have to determine that for yourself but please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that just because you binge drink you are not 
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Thanks Quinny!
Ultimately I’ve known for a while that I have a problem with alcohol, and I’ve taken this step of downloading the app to record my feelings and hopefully have a place I can be among others feeling the same way.
I’ve spoken to my partner and he intends to support me. He hardly drinks at all so I won’t have the temptation. He’s going to stop enabling me and picking me up a few bottles even if I insist on it.
I’ve just noticed that I make bad decisions when I’m drinking. I spend money I can’t afford to, have no social filter and I just end up having a few days with “the fear”.
I’m going to have a look for some podcasts or audiobooks I can listen to and try and maybe find some hobbies or join the gym again. I’ll look into SMART recovery as well, thank you!
I have an almost 2 year old so I’m doing this for him as much as I am myself!
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That’s great and I know it will make your life far much better if you are in the cycle of binge drinking and hate it.
SMART tools are useful. Check out SMART on YouTube as well.
This naked mind is a good audiobook as is Recovery by Russell Brand.
Once you get out that cycle you realise how much it was impacting your mental health .
Just remember that once you’ve been sober a while the voice in your head telling you that ‘you are fine and you’ve had a break and can control the levels now’. The bad feelings become less reall as time goes on. Use whatever tools have worked for you to remind yourself why you quit. Read your diary when that voice gets louder.
Keep in touch. We can do this!
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I started as a binge drinker and as I destroyed my life more and more I became more depressed than I already was (plus a host of other things) and 30 years later… here I am. A full blown, destroyed life havin, dealing with my emotions sober, alcoholic. It sucks. I’m still dealing with the emotions but hopefully in a better way. My doctor has started me on meds, which I’m still waiting on to come in the mail, (wish they’d hurry up because many days I’m afraid I won’t make it) and my first talk therapy appt is tomorrow at 5pm. Fun fun.
Life sucks
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Life sucks, at times, but the good news is we have the ability to crawl out of those holes and make our lives better. I’m glad you’re taking the hard steps to do so for yourself. Hang in there. I so can relate to the feelings and the waiting when I first started making some hard changes to actually see improvements. They will come.
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