Hey guys I need some advice. I live with my aunt and uncle and it’s been good so far;however, my cousin (their daughter) just moved back home. I know she’s a big drinker and I’ve been trying to prepare myself.
She came home today and everyone else went out to eat while I was at class, so when I came home there was a large box of wine and liquors (about 12-15 bottles) and two boxes of hard seltzers in the kitchen. They all know about my recovery and have been very considerate thus far so I don’t think it was intentional. It was just very jarring to see that amount of alcohol when I walked in and made me feel sick to my stomach. Really makes me wish I could go back to being a normal 20 something year old and not have to worry about being triggered by a couple boxes of alcohol.
I really don’t know if/how I should approach my cousin about this or her drinking at home. After all it is her house and I’m just living there for a couple of months. But my sobriety comes first. I just feel like a mess and very nervous. Any advice appreciated.
So sorry for this. You definitely didnt need this added obstacle or stress. Your aunt and uncle have been supportive you say, but does that understanding extend to your cousin? If you dont feel like you can talk to her directly, maybe bring up your concern to your aunt and uncle. Whoever you talk to, dont sound alarmist but do be firm when you talk about how this could/does affect you. Suggest maybe putting the liquor in a place where you do not know where it is or a safe/cabinet/area that has a lock/key that only they have access to. Thats the best advice I can give you. Other than that, maybe have other activities/social outings planned if she has friends over for drinking and/or parties. Or have a hobby you can retreat to you room and do while people are drinking. You can also ask her not to drink/have liquor in the house but it is her home so that one might not fly. Also, if you think they would be receptive to it, make it very clear that they are not under any circumstances to allow you to have a drink. Dont serve you, dont tell you where the alcohol is, dont say its ok just this once, nothing. This obviously depends on where you are in your sobriety journey. Be honest cause then youll know where you stand.
Edit: i know some people will come here and question your cousins relationship to alcohol but as someone who doesnt know the situation i dont think thats my place OR the issue at hand. Also i dont really think going there is the best approach if you want your aunt/uncle/cousin to be receptive. You gotta do whats best for you first and foremost.
Thanks guys for the responses. I guess I feel like I’m just ruining the party like it’s a big coming home and also now an engagement for someone and I’m just consumed by how much alcohol is all of a sudden flooding my environment. I feel like I’m going to ruin everyone else’s fun.
And for reference on my sobriety journey, I’m only 9 months in.
Here’s my ten cents, that’s worth about two cents
To me, it does not matter of you were born in that household, dragged in, stumbled on, pushed in
If your Aunt and uncle know your SOBERING UP and your still there, too me this means they are a part of your recovery plan
For now, start with a walk
A short sit on the porch
Just get out.
Then after a breather, ask for your aunt to talk with you. They may have a small solution
Take your time. Easy does it
Yes, make everyone enjoy your sober you
I’ve been sober quite some time. I’ve gone to weddings, birthdays and all the in between
Take your own beverages. Tell people your allergic, your in chemo , or just tell them your saying up for your vacation. Just tell the younger ones your sober and that your having the time of your life saving yourself. That the food tastes better sober
Anything
Anything is better sober
I’ll go with you if i could afford it. You don’t need a body guard. You need a buddy to go with you who is sober.
Show them a sober NEW YOU
Sounds more like it’s the aunt and uncle’s house and the daughter is just staying there. If she can buy alcohol she’s a grown woman.
You could always ask if she doesn’t mind keeping things like that in her room since you’re having a difficult time seeing it. Or run it past the parents and see if they’ll talk to her about it. I assume they think highly of you if they’re letting you stay there.
Everyone knows I’m sober and I always bring my own stuff it’s just that I live with them now so I’m constantly surrounded by it which makes it hard and it seems like my sobriety is just an inconvenience to be ignored.
So things got a bit more complicated. I was also supposed to move in with my sister but she lost all her money in a scam and now I’m being viewed as the heartless bitch of the family because I don’t want to live with her and feel unstable. My aunt and I had a heart to heart about it where she felt bad about the alcohol because she figured it was making the situation harder but after speaking to the rest of my family she has now decided she also thinks I’m heartless and that I should just deal with being around all the alcohol. So it really seems to depend on how she feels about my decision making and boundary setting whether or not she thinks I should tough it out or she should make the situation easier for me. There’s also talk of me having to leave whether or not I have a place to go by the end of august.
So long story short: not well
It’s most important that a talk was had. No two people have the same journey
i know that it feels like a one lane one way road and your the bad car in the one lane road going the wrong way
But as long as you are able to get ahead of this. If it’s end of August, then set your gages for middle August
My mom still treats me like a bumbling idiot “like my dad” so i told my mom that if she can’t support me then leave me alone.
Sometimes, Family is usually the last to provide the sober journey support.
If there’s talk about you leaving, are you part of that talk. If not, then consider it towards helping you.
Is hard not knowing who is in your side.
I’ve been the last to hear every time someone brings up the date I’m leaving (it’s changed a few times) I don’t really have a say in it. I’ve come to accept the fact that I don’t really have a support group within my family. Im trying to get out by the beginning or middle of August if I can because now I just feel like a burden constantly. They also complain when I don’t spend enough time with them because I’m working or sleeping, I work overnights almost full time and a full time day job and go to school. So I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t here and Im not comfortable anymore.
Make a plan. Stick to it. Then when the word to go is there, you’ll be ready.
It’s easy for family to “not understand” because family don’t want those issues.
For family to accept, they have freedom to totally accept it they never will.
This is not going to go away
However, do your best to continue to check in with us on this forum because many of us have been let go by family
It’s how we deal with it is what helps us stay sober and grow
Unfortunately I live in a very expensive area so it’s really hard to afford it on my own with the jobs I have. I’m thinking about moving a few hours away at this point to a cheaper area so I can work and do an actual program instead of taking classes here and there.
I guess I expected my family to understand because there’s a lot of recovering alcoholics before me but it is what it is and I’m fine with where I stand I know I made the right choice for me and I’m starting making my plans now. I’ve been looking into programs, jobs and places to live so we’re already moving
