I’m hoping to find an accountability partner to help each other beat porn for good.
I’ve tried almost everything to combat this horrible thing but I find myself going back to it.
I’ve been on this journey for 4 years now, and I can’t even go 2 weeks without it. (Longest is 12 days)
It feels like when I get these urges, I have absolutely no control what so ever.
Bit of a back story…
I came across pornography when I was 9/10 years old on the internet. Was absolutely fascinated by it, really had no idea what was happening at that young age but the dopamine rush was the most intense thing I had ever experienced, so I kept going back.
The consuming of porn got more and more intense as I got older through my teens, watching it every day and ejaculating at least once or twice a day, as soon as I got home from school I was straight to my bedroom. Anxiety became apart of my life and I had no idea why, nothing really took my interest growing up except skateboarding, but even when I was skateboarding I was thinking about watching porn.
In my adult life things got worse, I was consuming porn multiple times in a day. I entered a good relationship when I was 16 with an amazing girl, lasted 10 years and I broke up with her as I wanted to have sex with more girls as she wasn’t enough for me. ( I now regret this massively.)
I would be masturbating at work 2-3 times a day also. I felt as soon as I felt the urge there would be a mental block in my head and I wouldn’t be able to continue unless I release.
I realised I needed to change.
I have such a strong rooted relationship with porn and need this out of my life forever.
I now watch porn once every 2 weeks when I relapse, but I really have noticed a huge improvement already in myself, more confidence definitely.
I’m in a relationship now, I feel bad as she is not getting the best out of me. I turn down sex all the time as it does not interest me. If I were to have sex it would take me a while to ejaculate, whereas if I watched porn it would be seconds.
I just want to know my true self, a self without using porn, a self I have never met.
Thank you for reading.
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