Looking for an accountability partner to beat my porn addiction once and for all

Emotional Support
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I’m hoping to find an accountability partner to help each other beat porn for good.
I’ve tried almost everything to combat this horrible thing but I find myself going back to it.

I’ve been on this journey for 4 years now, and I can’t even go 2 weeks without it. (Longest is 12 days)
It feels like when I get these urges, I have absolutely no control what so ever.

Bit of a back story…

I came across pornography when I was 9/10 years old on the internet. Was absolutely fascinated by it, really had no idea what was happening at that young age but the dopamine rush was the most intense thing I had ever experienced, so I kept going back.

The consuming of porn got more and more intense as I got older through my teens, watching it every day and ejaculating at least once or twice a day, as soon as I got home from school I was straight to my bedroom. Anxiety became apart of my life and I had no idea why, nothing really took my interest growing up except skateboarding, but even when I was skateboarding I was thinking about watching porn.

In my adult life things got worse, I was consuming porn multiple times in a day. I entered a good relationship when I was 16 with an amazing girl, lasted 10 years and I broke up with her as I wanted to have sex with more girls as she wasn’t enough for me. ( I now regret this massively.)
I would be masturbating at work 2-3 times a day also. I felt as soon as I felt the urge there would be a mental block in my head and I wouldn’t be able to continue unless I release.
I realised I needed to change.

I have such a strong rooted relationship with porn and need this out of my life forever.

I now watch porn once every 2 weeks when I relapse, but I really have noticed a huge improvement already in myself, more confidence definitely.

I’m in a relationship now, I feel bad as she is not getting the best out of me. I turn down sex all the time as it does not interest me. If I were to have sex it would take me a while to ejaculate, whereas if I watched porn it would be seconds.

I just want to know my true self, a self without using porn, a self I have never met.

Thank you for reading.

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Hey @Roy123 and welcome back. I don’t struggle with porn use now but I overused it in my past and I agree with you that it’s utter pish.

Hope you find some community on this very active thread PMO - Porn, Masturbation, Recovery
And you can also use the :mag_right: up top to search relevant keywords to find other threads.

One thought from someone affected by a partner’s SA: your partner deserves your best. Not what’s leftover from your addiction. This isn’t just a substance that you take or leave, this concerns her directly because it influences, (potentially as the one single most defining factor if you are “monogamous” yet you keep turning her down) her expression of her sexuality. She deserves better. At the very least she deserves opennness and honesty from you. So she can make her mind up about how much of herself to invest in this relationship.

All the best to you!

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What are you wanting from an accountability partner. Feel free to message me if ya want.

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I’m also wondering about what you want in an accountability partner. Message me as well. I relapsed to p*rn recently and thinking i need more accountability too.