Thanks for sharing struggler, it’s a great relief sometimes to get it out there.
You will find that addiction is addiction, no matter the doc.
I would suggest, if you haven’t done already, to have a really good read around on here. Use the magnifying glass at the top to search any keywords and questions you may have.
If you do this you will find so many similarities with your story.
I, myself can understand that “trance” you talk about.
I would often tell myself that tomorrow I would not drink and yet the following morning I would find myself pulling into the gas station to buy alcohol and so my daily cycle would begin. Drinking on the way to work, going and buying more, and drinking at work and then on the way home and drinking at night.
Going to rehab is a good start, they, like AA/NA SMART, recovery Dharma , all programs, will give you the tools to help you quit and stay quit. But the work, the hard work, has to come from us. No one can do it for us. Hence the quote “it works if you work it”
The maxime One Day At A Time is the first thing you will be taught.
We only have control over today, we can’t change yesterday and we can not say what the future holds.
Today we can be clean/sober.
You will find that addictions are usually the symptoms of deeper lying problems and that’s where therapy would come in handy.
Part of your plan would be to delete your dealers numbers.
Remove all and everything connected with your doc from your life.
You are about to change your life but you can’t do that if surrounded by your old life.
Good luck at rehab today bud.
And remember that this app is here for you when you need to talk.
Yes, this app is for all kinds of addictions. And yes, many of us were very functional users, living our lives, building businesses, raising families, doing drugs and or drinking all the while. Knowing we are caught up by our addiction and drug of choice and desperately needing to end our relationship with that drug.
Deleting and blocking all your dealers numbers would be a good first step and out patient sounds like a good idea as well. Keep us posted!
Glad you are here. Glad you are interested in getting healthy.
I’m a martial arts teacher with 25 years experience and that may not be applicable, but I’ll try to be useful here.
You’ve asked for real talk, but in my experience people who ask for this are not ready for it. I dont think you want real talk from me.
I think that you should get another day under your belt. Then another. Just do that. Keep it really simple. Sobriety likely can’t happen until you surrender and submit yourself to this process, to the wisdom and the acceptance.
One of my most effective teachers was once pestered relentlessly by a seminar student on how to become the best, deadliest, speediest, hardest puncher. Over and over. He just kept asking for the magic secret. Finally the teacher just looked at him and said " Punch. A lot."
That was it.
So I would be really patient with the concepts and statements that you currently classify as cliches, because while not all will work for you- they likely work for someone. Try to avoid dismissing them, because you wouldn’t like to hear what has saved your life dismissed as pointless or trivial or annoying. Cliche can be a real trigger word.
Look and listen and absorb as much as you can. Be the sponge, or the empty cup.
yes. They are something to grab ahold of when trying not to fall. A mast to lash oneself to, in the midst of a storm. I use them daily, not only when dealing with sobriety, but life in general.
To some, the book of proverbs is a collection of cliches. To me, they are individual pearls of wisdom. To some, the book of five rings is a bunch of bushido nonsense. To me, it is a warrior’s dissertation on self-discipline.
This is why I find it hard to quantify the stats when people quote this 5% thing. ( This isn’t the first time it’s been banded around on here)
Where does this figure come from?
As you say, if an individual continues to work the program and stays sober then thats 100%
Those that fall away are not working hard enough.
That’s not AA’s fault
Do you mean the AA and NA saying are too weak for you? Maybe your the one being weak? Your relapsing over and over again but what are you doing about it? If you really want change then man up and handle your business. Listen I get the struggle I’ve been there but getting a sponsor in real life close by is probably a better solution than a virtual one. Honestly don’t think your all in on your sobriety. I hope you don’t get offended but if you do. It is what it is. I am always around to talk if you need it. I just celebrated my 4 years sober on August 12th
Not for everyone, but if it works for you, great!! In my experience, many women don’t have overly inflated egos, in fact quite the opposite. We often need to be built up, not down…build confidence in ourselves.
Andy, I think what you need is some serious commitment and accountability. I’m not sure if you’re referring to what folks have wrote to you here, but there are so many active addicts posting that they keep relapsing. So if you’re seeking unique conversation tailored for you, please find a sponsor. We’re all on here trying to do our best.
You’re correct there Sassy. This is why a lot of women drink due to lack of confidence.
This is from a world where women are made to feel inferior from childhood.
As you say, our milage may vary.
Exactly! It’s ANONYMOUS!!
The only way anyone has ever come up with any kind of percentage is by tokens sold. And that’s not even an accurate count. It’s total BS
As a woman - and one that has struggled with serious self-esteem issues that resulted in addictive behaviors like alcoholism and bulimia - I personally have found that ditching the ego is vital to my sobriety. Ego isn’t about self-confidence or self-love. In my opinion, some of the most seemingly egotistical people were that way due to overcompensating for their self-hatred and insecurities. For me, dissolving the ego is about humility and admitting that I don’t have all the answers. It’s about putting less importance on my ego form and more importance on my spiritual form. Overattachment to my ego - my physical form, my emotional reactions - ultimately opens the door for more insecurity for me because I’m a perfectionist and perfection is impossible. I really love the AA saying “we aim for spiritual progress, not perfection”.
And yes, women are socially conditioned to think about others more than men. Definitely. But for me personally, I’ve come to realize that my actions towards others weren’t coming from a place of humility - it was so that others would think highly of me and tell me I’m good. It was about external validation. So one of the things I’m working on is doing for others without any expectations. Like, ANY. They can be absolute shits and that shouldn’t affect my ability to be compassionate and find serenity.
Of course, everyone’s experience is different. That’s just my story.
I hear you on the validation and wanting to be seen as ‘good’ and deserving. I am not immune from that, tho I have found as I have gotten older, that desire naturally has fallen away from me. I am so much more comfortable in just being who I am, perfectly imperfect me.
For me, my entire adult life was spent under the yoke of the bottle and that sucked all confidence and self esteem out of me…hating yourself for a decade or so will do that. Just my experience of course.
It sounds like you have a good understanding of yourself, that is a wonderful thing. I was such a perfectionist when I was younger, goodness that was tiring!
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