Still lost. Is there a way to private message? Or is this it?
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Still fucking lost, lonely, & despondent over losing my galā¦ this is really wearing me down.
Losing motivation to do anything, much less the tasks i need to doā¦ 
Have you considered going to AA meetings? There you can learn to cope with your feelings and meet some new people. I find thereās nothing better to help me get thru the hardest days than with a bunch of people that understand and have been there themselves.
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I have been to AA meetings when I had duiās. And I actually worked through nine steps. I definitely need to be around people to help cope, but I donāt like all the pressure to do steps. Because I really donāt want to do them.
Ok so it sounds like youāre not willing to follow the AA program. What are you willing to do to help yourself? How about a different program? Or counseling? Hereās a link for resources:
Resources for our recovery
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The thing is that i donāt have a problem staying sober. I quit on my own for 9 years once. This time itās been two and a half months and I havenāt had one craving. Iām having trouble controlling my emotions about a breakup that has me lost and confused and borderline suicidal.
Part of me wants to hold on to hope that maybe we can work it out. The other me half of me knows that I need to just work on myself and move on so I donāt get hurt when she says thereās no chance. Iām stuck in purgatory and itās a roller coaster and itās pure torture.
My brain knows the steps I need to take concerning her, but my heart just wonāt let meš
I havenāt officially worked the steps with a sponsor, but attend faithfully AA meetings with my home group. Itās was absolutely key for me to get and stay sober, my AA group. I owe my life to them. Many AA members donāt officially work the steps or they wait a bit until they are ready and find a right sponsor. Please go to a meeting. Look at cO-dependency books and groups as well. Do you have a therapist?
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Yes I do. And Iām going to start seeing a psychiatrist on Friday
Excellent! I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. Being sober allowed me to be honest with them do I could be helped. Hang in there. Try to find some social activities that will support your sobriety.
I donāt know what social activities Id do. Iāve been looking online for men of divorce support groups and theyāre all either online or they cost a lot of money. I do better in person I think. Zoom meetings make me feel like Iām in a fishbowl. Maybe Iāll just go to AA. Is there a title to a meeting that they donāt push you to do steps?
Honestly this sounds cliche but factual
When we break up with someone, on our end or they ended it we face those emotions, heartbreak sadness, a feeling of loneliness, half of it is because we shared so much of our life with this person and now it seems like we donāt know what to do.
Almost like having a routine set for years, and then out of nowhere it changes itās like a punch in the gut:
The simple answer is, beg olead try and reconcile the relationship, but it makes you powerless and look desprĆ©sate, like your incapable of going at it without your partner, anyone will tell you that those tactics often lead to a pity relationship thatās short lived only dragging out the despair even more.
The right but difficult thing to do, acceptance, accept the relationship has cycled, and reached the end, itās unfortunate but it happens everyday, itās difficult, but doable, I lost a live in girlfriend of 2 years during rehab was it hard? Yeah. First thing I did, went and sought out a random for the rebound, it made it worse.
After I accepted that I it wasnāt going to be a happy reconciliation, or any reconciliation, I moved forward with improving myself, I focused on me, itās a selfish program
My ex girlfriend didnāt help me get sober, I did that, my ex girlfriend didnāt fix my relationship with my kids, I did, I had to do things to make me a better person, and attract someone better when Iām ready, but currently I work for a great company, I am back to playing music hopefully full time again. And working on improving myself daily all things I couldnāt do if I had a spouse or partner that I had ti tend to on the regular
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Yes I know all about the concept that pathetic is very unattractive. I havenāt contacted her in 2 months except for a Christmas card to her family.
Iām definitely codependent. When Iām driving while running an errand or something, all I can think is that my life is all wrong. What am I going to do?
In my strong moments I know that I have to let go. But it could be an hour later and my heart feels like itās going to implode because I ācanāt live without her.ā
All I can do is write it out Day by day. Iām going to see a psychiatrist on friday.
Lucky you. This is what makes it even harder. Iāve been on disability for almost 5 years and so would she and we live together. So it definitely strengthened the codependency. I donāt have any friends that live close in my kids are too busy to seem like they care. The isolation is the hardest part. I probably will be going to it AA meeting soon. No working no play makes Joel a very sad boy. Oh and by the way I used to be a working drummer playing around the city, but I had to give it up because my shoulders got too fried out.
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I know that feeling, im sorry youāre going through it. All I can offer is it takes time; sometimes a lot of time but eventually youāll feel ok about life again. 
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Yeah I understand,
My ex kinda ran everything from
Paying bills to managing the house while I slept with a bottle, so doing it on my own was honestly a motherfucker.
AA I made some friends in, but Iām not a meeting goer it was more social hour to me, Vs a recovery tool.
Drummer? Cool, Iām mainly a guitar player but I can also play bass and drums, as a studio guy I was looking for ways to make myself for valuable, but 3 rotator cuff repairs makes it difficult for me to do a good set on a kit before dying, 2 hours in even with breaks towards the end Iām falling apart.
Another thing I can suggest, I have an app called meetup, free to download, and they have groups based on your interests. Most are free to join, some have a membership fee usually around 10 dollars for the year. But I met musicians, did some interesting things like, blue grass music where it was just a group jam of all skill levels, learned stock market stuff, sports things, video games you name it, a lot of the groups will have in person events to give you a chance to mingle,
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Yeah! So you know about shoulders and drumming. Both of my shoulders are so fried they need to be replaced. So do my knees, both of them. Iāve looked on Meetup and I didnāt find much, but I I think itās probably because of the depression. I donāt have much interest in much anything anymore and my day is mundane in my routine of getting up and showering and eating breakfast watching TV for a little bit and going down in the basement to try to repair the damage an old tenant did and restore it to the level of getting another tenant in. Then dinner then sleep then rinse and repeat
Another tragedy of this whole situation is that she started menopause and the longer she was on it the less love she felt for me. And it turned into she wasnāt in love with me at all. Thatās when my drinking got really heavy, and it turned into the perfect storm and the next thing I know sheās moving out. It happened so fast my head is still spinning. Iām barely able to wrap my mind around her being gone.
One good thing that happened out of all this is that I got sober. For life. I went on a six day Bender and tried to drink myself to death, and on the seventh day I woke up feeling like complete s*** and decided f*** that. Iām done.
And oh yeah another thing - Iāve lost 25 lb since sheās been gone.
I barely ate for those 6 days, and the stress of all this I think is just making the weight fall off
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this isnt getting better