I’ve been with my partner for a year and a half. When we started dating she had 3 months or so sober (I know, I know). She ended up hitting a year, and relapsed shortly after. I didn’t find out for about 5 months. She lied to my face. We were together all the time. Everyday. We live together. I don’t even know how I didn’t see it. She was shooting heroin and smoking meth. Everyday. Multiple times a day. I didn’t have a clue. And then I caught her. Shit got crazy. I blew up. I was devastated.
She withdrawals, gets sober, goes back on subs, hits a couple meetings, sees a drug and alcohol counselor, sees a therapist. We were still casually drinking as she says she doesn’t see the problem and that’s not her problem. I have my doubts but enjoy drinking with her. We have fun. It is my way of decompression after a long work week and to cut loose. It’s my vice, I’ll admit.
A few days ago, she starts acting suspect. My trust was gone but I was truly in denial that she would do that again and so soon. So I asked for her to bring home a UA from the drugstore. She comes home empty handed and admits that it would be dirty and that she has been using for a few weeks. Smoking street pills and meth since heroin is hard to find apparently at the moment. She’s currently withdrawing. Back on subs. And we are waiting for a bed to open up for inpatient.
I guess I am writing this because I do not want to enable her in any way. She has been conditioned by her parents who are both alcoholics/addicts her entire life. She’s had a relationship with heroin for nearly 20 years. Shes 33.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I want to be there for her but I cannot handle the lies and the babysitting. It’s like dating a fucking child. But when we are good, we are so good. She is literally the perfect partner and I really believe she just might be my soulmate. But, there’s this other bitch named heroin and she’s getting in the damn way of my future and what I see for myself.
Do I stick it out yet again even though I said I wouldn’t? She’s like a lost abused puppy and hard to turn your back on. She’s incredible. Fuck, she’s incredible when she’s sober and when she’s not. But I will not date someone doing drugs like these. I do not want to travel that road. I’m not the type to stick around. I am 100% capable of leaving. It’s never been a problem for me. I really just feel like she’s worth the effort.
Will I ever be able to fill that void? Will she? Is she emotionally unavailable?
She is fully ready for rehab and real sobriety. No alcohol. She’s admitted that is part of what caused her last relapse. I am also giving it up to support her as best I can. If there’s any advice from anyone out there at all, that would be helpful. Thanks for reading