Ever look at the guardrails on the side of the road? They are set a ways back from the actual hazard they are there to protect you from. Boundaries are the “edge of the cliff”. Guardrails won’t let you get close.
PTL I am not a Lust/Sex/Love Addict. I feel for those who are battling this affliction. That said, while I am a Christian Husband, I am not immune to temptation. and I have put up Guardrails up in my life, to keep me as far from acting on temptation as possible . If I’m watching a show or movie, and we get to the gratuitous sex scene, I am fast forwarding. I travel for business, and I encounter attractive women everywhere. I am polite, but I will not indulge in flattery or playful banter. Lunch with a customer or colleague 1-on-1 is OK. No dinners unless a third person will be there. Etc.
Fortunately for myself, my addiction is limited to Pornography and Masturbation. I’ve at least set some boundaries within my actual addiction that stop me from moving on to more serious forms. I’m also happy to say that I’ve never paid a penny for my addiction. That being said, I’ve lost hundreds of hours of my life to the addiction, and you can’t really put a price on that.
Here a question for others with my same addiction-type. Do you find that the cravings come in waves?
I have read books on the psychology and neurophysiology of sex addiction and I get that it’s the brain’s need to an amplified dose of dopamine. I found in my addiction that I’ll go about a month before the cravings hit hard. Then I’ll either relapse, or I’ll get through it. If i do get through it, i seem to be good for another while until a new batch of cravings strike. It’s like I’m on a period, or the moon is calling to me or something. Let me know if there are any patterns to your cravings and what you do to curb them.
For my big streak a year ago I’d run on a treadmill at my school’s gym until I reached a runner’s high. I just poured my energy into that. I had almost made it eighty days, so I think that had worked. If you’re at home when the cravings hit, cold showers are fantastic. Holding a religious article works for me as well. There’ve been times I have kept a death grip on my rosary saying, “I’m not putting this down”. Clenching that tight has always helped. Would never want to give in while holding something like that. Although, considering I have been unable to stay free for long recently, maybe I shouldn’t be throwing in my two cents
2 cents is worth 2 cents at least. I’m only a day and a half in myself. I appreciate the ideas. I run 5 days a week. Used to do a lot of Halves, now it’s just 5-10k’s. Strapped for time. Busy job, 4 crazy boys and a pregnant wife.
I also do a lot of scripture reading and listening. Helps.
Yeah, Scripture is definitely a must. That’s something I need to start doing. I’m not very good with my time. Hence I’m up right now.
And, yeah, you definitely sound busy. I come from a big family, so I know things can get hectic. It’s great you get the time in for those things though. Of course working out and prayer will help you to be there for them.
I usually listen to scripture while I run. I’m a special case though. Not everyone can listen to something like that while working out. I wake up at 6 AM, an hour before the boys and my wife. That’s when I do my working out and scriptures. That being said, I often get into a monotonous routine and forget to pray, so I really could improve in that. Routine is important though. I had a Bishop from my church tell me that exercise was vital for me to combat the addiction. It took me a while to discipline myself.
If my life lacks something it’s routine. No kids yet, so my schedule is all over the place. I do make plans for my time though, even if it’s as simple as planning to play video games on an evening when I’m home alone. Unplanned time alone is bad news for me.
I do start everyday in prayer though, thanking my higher power for keeping me sober yesterday and asking to be sober just for today.
I understand that. Even with a busy schedule, there’s always downtime and idleness. I try to fill those times with reading or some other entertainment, planning the future, etc. I used to GM for a Pathfinder group with my friends, so I enjoy pouring through manuals and stuff. Wish I had more time for video games nowadays, but it’s a time dedication to play the genre I like (RPG’s).
I pray when I wake up and before I go to bed, but no routine yet. That’s something I need to work on. I have the things I want in my plan in a list with my reasons for them, but I just haven’t gotten around to forming a schedule. With finals coming up for me though a concrete schedule might have to wait.
Theology, which sometimes I question myself for studying it considering I have this problem. I’ve always liked religion though. It’s been important to me since I was little.
Well, don’t let an addiction stop you from pursuing that path. I seriously doubt that the prophets of the bible were free of temptation and sin. They were sinners the same as us all, they just knew how to control the temptations and seek guidance from God. Not one has ever been sinless but Christ.
Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” At the same time, 1 Corinthians 10:13 “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
There always hope in Christ. I think someone who’d do acquainted with sin, failure and repentance is the ideal person to teach others about the Atonement. With what I’ve gone through in my addiction, I can certainly grasp to a small degree the pain and suffering of Christ.
So, more power to you in your studies. Where you going to school? You don’t have to answer if that’s too personal.
I think it’s pretty amazing that you are willing to identify this as a problem for you when so many others say “it’s fine”. I think it’s awesome that you are really trying to change your lifestyle and that you are willing to be so open and honest on this forum to get the help and support you need. Rock on.
Thanks Jessica. I think my addiction is pretty similar to any other addiction out there though. My life became unmanageable and I realized that I couldn’t just Stop on my own. It was a slow descent into the pit of my addiction. It built over the course of years and years, fed by isolated incidents. It began as a fixation on lustful thoughts and then eventually when I had unlimited access to pornography I quickly spiraled.
After that, it was the justification, lies and secrecy, backtracking, grief and guilt… etc. I believe Pornography addiction is much more prevalent than society is willing to see and accept.
@DungeonMaster@JLS Thank you both. I go to a Catholic university for my studies. One semester left toward my bachelor’s and trying to figure out the next step.
