I’m probably going to go for my Master’s in Theology. After that though, I don’t know. A lot of things seem interesting. I’d like to help people, but teaching also seems interesting, and I also like the arts. Hopefully, as I stay away from the porn things will become clearer. Of course, I could always just do everything 
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Steps two and three were really challenging for me. I felt like I’d been a Christian my whole life. But my perception of God was all messed up. It was one more place where I could feel judged and unworthy. And as my therapist pointed out, I haven’t been able to accept God’s forgiveness because I can’t forgive myself.
I know a number of guys in SA in my area are/were clergy, are pursuing a career in the church, or are (or are working toward) being a therapist. I have felt the desire to go into ministry myself at times, but I think I would be doing it hoping that it would either fix me or it would enable me to do enough good deeds to wash my sins away. Since my old faith never fixed me in the 25+ years I believed in it, my assumption now is that it won’t. My newfound relationship with my higher power might, that’d be great. I’m finding it best for myself right now not to overanalyze it. I’m just accepting this new chance at a sober life, being grateful to God for what I’ve got, and trying not to worry about the afterlife at all.
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Yeah, I realized that nothing I do can fix me. Only God can do that. Here’s a wise saying, not from me:
Work like it all depends on you, Pray like it all depends on God.
That’s the way grace works. There’s such a skewed perception of how Christ’s atonement works in our society. People think that just to believe is enough, but that’s simply not true. Faith without works is dead. We have to work as if trying to save ourselves, yet realize that no amount of virtuous deeds we accomplish in this life will be enough to allow us back in to God’s presence. It’s a two way street.
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Yeah, back on board and ready to take up the fight again. Thanks for checking on me
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Hey guys, day 136 and it’s an uphill battle at the moment. I have to continually remind myself that looking at porn and masterbating will not in fact make me feel better.
It’s my own fault that I’m feeling this way, I haven’t picked up the book and worked on my step 4 stuff in over a week. God help me.
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Keep fighting! We believe in you 
Question…when have any of you who struggle with porn/masturbation realized it was an addiction? How did it interfere with your life? Im asking because i only recently realized that i may be addicted to this. Im an alcoholic desperately trying to stay sober. Ive had other addictions I have quit before like other drugs in the distant past. But this one didnt seem like an addiction until i couldnt go to work until i had a session and in turn i would just barely make it to work on time or i would be 10 min late when i had intended on going in 30 min early for overtime. Or i couldnt go to sleep at night unless i did it. God has been working with me on my addictions recently and although my sex drive has gone away after a recent breakup i still feel the urge to do it just because its what ive been doing for so long. I guess what im wanting to know is how bad can it get if i dont stop? I know how bad things get with drugs and alcohol…just not this. Even though I used to be married to a porn addict and it was part of the reason we divorced.
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Honestly, how bad can be pretty bad for this because it rewires your brain and how you look at people
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I realized it was an addiction when my Bishop pointed it out to me. I realized the that all my efforts before had been completely in vain and that I was powerless to overcome it on my own.
I hope you can take my advice here seriously. Pornography Addiction is a progressive disease. You cannot toy with it. It will get worse. The need cannot be quenched. You will have to seek harder and darker versions. There is a lot of messed up stuff out there.
You wonder how Child Pornographers got into it? Progressive disease. You might disagree with me, but it is the truth. I swear it.
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It’s true. This is an extreme example, but Ted Bundy contributed his escalation to rape and serial murder to getting hooked on porn at a young age which then spiraled out of control. Porn can make people more aggressive if they use it a lot
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Well, among other things I’m sure. But, he did state it blatantly. I’m telling you, porn may not kill you. But it will destroy you and everyone around you.
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…well yeah. True.
I’ve acted on it in ways I’m definitely ashamed of, and that I never would have done in the beginning. It started with lust for me on third grade and it just built from there because I didn’t restrain it. I started using porn at 14 and I found out the following year from a priest that this was seriously wrong. I tried quitting, but it just kept getting worse. I’ve lost hours to sessions before, and when I’d end and come out, my family would be like ‘What were you doing? Are you all right?’. I remember during a period I was trying to quit, the thought of porn entered my head and I got visibly sick. I know because someone commented on it. I remember times I’ve been shaking uncontrollably from the cravings.
Like @DungeonMaster said this isn’t something to toy with. It’s good you’re trying to work on this. Be strong!
@TheTwilightRunner same. I missed a big meeting that I was supposed to attend in college, because I couldn’t stop. I’ve spent hours in front of the screen as well.
It began for me very early on as well. As a teenager I couldn’t control my thoughts. All of math class was spent thinking about sex. I can say that I was addicted years before I began indulging in porn compulsively.
I’m glad that I’ve got a rein on it enough that I’m not delving deeper anymore.
Ok, sorry but I need to jump in and disagree, especially since we get alot of younger people on this app.
I have a young son in his 20’s who also struggles with these issues and I definitely wouldn’t want him reading that statement and believing he was going to progressively become a pedophile.
Porn and masturbation in general or in addiction are not the statistically proven precursors to pedophilia.
The biggest precursers to pedophilia is being sexual abused as a child and a strong attraction during puberty to your specific desire, even in a dressed state. Ex: They would prefer to stare at children in a park as opposed to watching regular porn.
You don’t wake up after bingeing on porn and suddenly become a pedophile. They have been attracted to children for as long they can probably remember, fantasized about it during puberty, and then sought out that type of porn.
And as far a serial killers, the bigest precursor to becoming serial killer is lack of empathy and animal
abuse.
I’m sure these things intersect at some point but it is not the rule, its not the “truth” of the disease.
I’m not sure where you came up with that theory but it sounds dangerous to be implying such things.
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No, you’re right. It was not my intent to make this seem like a blanket statement. My point was that pornography addiction is a progressive disease and leads to more serious experimentation. It’s a slippery slope that delves deeper and deeper into harder versions of porn.
Anyone who struggles with this has to admit that there is great risk in what the addiction will do to you. Sorry if I was offensive in my statement.
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I do the same at work and any where else I go it’s hard but stay away from those sites even if it’s swimsuit models…the flesh is weak but you are strong
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The question was how bad it could get, so that’s why I mentioned that. I do apologize though. I had mentioned it namely for his sexual crimes, and I was going to mention it was an extreme example, but I forgot to put that in. I’ll edit it
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Agreed. In the past I’ve looked at stuff like that saying to myself that it’s not porn. Well, maybe it’s not for someone else, but for a porn addict, looking at anything revealing is porn. It will trigger you and you’ll slip up. Dont even look.