Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they’re always keeping their eyes peeled.
What do you call a reluctant potato?
A hesitater.
What do you call a potato that wears glasses?
A spectater.
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Perfect timing William…i needed a laugh 
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Did you hear that Costco stopped selling 5-gallon jars of pickles?
Shelving them was cucumbersome.
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I used to be afraid of painting, but eventually I brushed it off
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*How does a lumberjack know how many trees he’s cut down?
He keeps a log.
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Why does piglet smell?
Because he plays with Pooh.
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Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?
You can buy it with no strings attached.
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A blonde and a brunette worked in a factory. The brunette says, “I know how to get some time off from work!” “How?” asks the blonde. “Watch this,” says the brunette. She climbs up to the rafter and hangs upside down. The boss walks in, sees her and says, “What on earth are you doing?” “I’m a lightbulb,” she answers. “I think you need some time off,” says the boss so she jumps down and walks out. The blonde starts walking out, too. “Where are YOU going?” says the boss. The blonde replies, “I can’t work in the dark!”
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A daily joke by Trusty Bird in honor of Papa G.
Two hunters are walking through the forest and become lost. The more they walk the deeper into the forest they go and they are starting to get scared and hungry.
All of a sudden they see a clearing with a tree in the middle that is draped with bacon. One of the hunters gets very excited and runs toward the tree only to be shot down before he can reach it.
The other hunter yells into the field “are you alright?” the wounded hunter yells back “don’t come any closer, it’s a ham bush.”
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What do inbred families do for Halloween??
Pump-kin
Haha, I won tickets for a comedy show for that one
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Ewww! No you won’t LOL 
Please tell me the grandma’s cookies joke. I’m curious. I don’t think I’ve heard it.
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it’s inappropriate
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now i wanna hear it too… 
Why shouldn’t you argue with a dinosaur?
You’ll get jurasskicked
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Clever!
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What did the policeman say to his bellybutton?
You’re under a vest!
What do you call a pig that does Karate?
A pork chop.
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One for all the musicians in the house:
What’s the difference between an oboe and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.
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TW talking about getting pulled over by police when drunk
“ A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-10 about 62 miles west of Kerrville Texas.
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to West Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn’t want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Troopers car. A drunken good old boy from Ingram Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper’s car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, “You might as well take my butt to jail, cause there ain’t no way I can pass that test.”
11 Likes
nicely done —
Why did the belt go to jail?
It held up a pair of pants
5 Likes
Funny really funny
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