I shot an arrow into the air.
It landed I know not where…
Far as I know, it’s still up there!
2 Likes
LOL – well done!
1 Like
It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks.
Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he roars.
Mother Bear sticks her head out the kitchen door and yells, “For Pete’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mother Bear who go up first. It was Mother Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mother Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mother Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mother Bear who set the table. It was Mother Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat’s water and food dish. And now that you’ve decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence, listen good because I’m only going to say this one more time: I haven’t made the porridge yet!”
5 Likes
An adventurer goes on a trek to the jungle. During the first night, he is awakened by the sound of drums. “I don’t like the sound of those drums!” he says to his guide. The guide replies “No, no, the sound of the drums is good.” All the next day, the sound of the drums follows them to their next campsite. That night, the drum beats get wilder and louder. The adventurer is nearing panic - “I can’t take the sound of the drums!”. The guide says “No, no, the drumming is good. It’s when the drumming stops that you have to worry!” The adventurer is practically crying now - “Oh no! What happens when the drums stop?!”
“Bass solo!” replies the guide.
6 Likes
A very wealthy multi-millionaire has an extravagant bash at his home. He is so rich that he has alligators swimming in his pool. He makes an incredible announcement to his guests. “Attention!! Any man that can swim across my pool with out being harmed can either chose to have one million dollars or he can marry my beautiful daughter.” Everyone hears a splash and they witness a man swimming vigorously in the pool racing to the other side. He jumps out of the pool unharmed. The millionaire walks down to meet the brave lad and he asks him, “You can have one million dollars or you can marry my beautiful daughter, it is your choice sir.” The man angrily replies, “I don’t want your daughter, I don’t want your money, what I do want is the wise guy who threw me in the pool.”
3 Likes
right 
-- my thoughts exactly
1 Like
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
3 Likes
Why can’t male ants sink?
They’re buoy-ant
3 Likes
If you get olive oil from olives,
Coconut oil from coconuts,
Corn oil from corn…
Where does baby oil come from?
These things I ponder. 
4 Likes
Oh snap…dude - u gotta stop pondering 
2 Likes
I usually have the frustrating wiggle in bed trying to take them off in the winter…
1 Like
Never seen anyone knock their OWN socks off!
2 Likes
first time for everything
What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
2 Likes
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
4 Likes
What’s black and brown and looks great on a lawyer?
A Doberman Pinscher.
3 Likes
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
3 Likes
Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said
“I’m sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren’t ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be.”
“Great!” said the first guy, “I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!”
“No problem,” replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone.
“And what do you want to be,” St. Peter asked the other guy.
“I’d like to be one cool stud!” was the reply.
“Easy,” replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.
After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back.
“You’ll find them easily,” he says, “One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!”
4 Likes
Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, “Mother, I’ve got a stomach ache.”
“That’s because your stomach is empty,” the mother replied. “You would feel better if you had something in it.”
That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up, “That’s because it’s empty,” she said. “You’d feel better if you had something in it.”
3 Likes