Saw this on Twitter.
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Very clever!! Love the wordplay (Haiku). 
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The frugal man walked into the house panting and almost completely exhausted. “What happened, Honey?” asked his wife.
“It’s a great new idea I have,” he gasped. “I ran all the way home behind the bus and saved $1.50 cents.”
“That wasn’t too smart,” replied his wife. “Why didn’t you run behind a taxi and save ten dollars?”
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Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish.
One guy said to his friend, “Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow.”
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend,
“Did you mark that spot?”
His friend replied, “Yeah, I put a big ‘X’ on the bottom of the boat.”
The first one said, “You stupid fool! What if we don’t get that same boat today!?!?”
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I used to think my choropractor wasn’t any good. Now, I stand corrected.
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Did you get the job?
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Nope, they “ghosted” me, too. No feedback, no follow up. Got an interview somewhere else on Monday, though.
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good vibes your way for monday…
here’s a goofy one…
I was doing tourist stuff in New Orleans one summer and had gone down to the waterfront. I was sitting on a bench looking out at the water when a guy came up to me and offered me a bet. He said, “I bet you $5 I can tell you where you got your shoes.”
I was from several states away so I figured there was no way this guy could guess which shoe store at the local mall I had purchased my sneakers at. So I agreed to the bet.
The guy put out his hand for us to shake on it and assured me he would pay if he was wrong and asked me to do the same. I did.
He grinned and said,“Now I’m gonna tell you where you got your shoes. You got your shoes on your feet!.”
I laughed and paid the five dollars.
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If two snakes marry, what will their towels say?
HIss and hers
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I’ll betcha I can say all 50 States in under 5 seconds. Ready?..
“ALL 50 STATES”
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Hahaha – glad i didn’t take that bet
Why couldn’t the sunflower ride its bike?
It lost its petals.
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Did you hear Kellogg’s just came out with a new breakfast cereal that treats erectile disfunction?
It’s called “Nuttin’ Raisin’, Honey”.
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oh shit! Im rolling over here!
That was a good one
I wanted to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
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What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I may have forgotten this before.
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When I was a little kid we had a sandbox. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child…eventually.
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OMG 
Ten characters
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I had a friend who was a clown. When he died all his friends went to his funeral in one car. 
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