Would anybody like to hear my tribute to Elvis?
“Thanks, Elvis”.
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What does a house wear?
Address!
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Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
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Why did the dyslexic cross the road?
To side the other get to.
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What do you call an argumentative potato?
An agi-tater.
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My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, “How can I stop my addiction?” “Whatever means necessary,” she replied.
“No it doesn’t,” I said.
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What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk. 
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Why did Shakespeare only write using pens? Pencils confused him. 2B or not 2B.
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How does a train eat?
It choo-choos. 
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When did the King have his jousting contests?
On Tuesday Knight.
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What did the duck say to the bartender?
“Just put it on my bill”.
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A cheesy one …
What do you call sad coffee?
Despresso.
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A guy said to God, “God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?”
God said yes.
The guy said, “God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?”
God said yes.
The guy said, “God, can I have a penny?”
God said, “Sure, just a second.”
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I just started a seafood diet this week. It’s a pretty simple plan…
I SEE food, then I eat it.
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What cheese can you hide a small horse in?
Mascarpone
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Which chesse is made backwards?
edam
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A man named Arti chokes three people on a bet for $1 each. The next day the headlines in the newspapers read: "ARTI CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR ".
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That’s a good one!!!
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
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