Good to see you back on the threads…missed ya.
Why won’t it hurt if you hit your friend with a 2-liter of soda?
Because it’s a soft drink!
5 Likes
Totally understand that. Good to see ya 
4 Likes
I bet the butcher the other day that he couldn’t reach the meat that was on the top shelf.
–He refused, saying that the steaks were too high.
4 Likes
What do your pimples do while you’re sleeping?
Nothing, really. They just zit there.
4 Likes
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all this Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “whats the word on the street?”
6 Likes
I asked my grandpa, "after 65 years of marriage you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey, what’s your secret?
Grandpa: “I forgot her name 5 years ago and i’m scared to ask her”
4 Likes
What happened to the wine waiter that didn’t shower?
He got sommelier and sommelier
5 Likes
Clever! 
2 Likes
This guy offered me a go on his ice rink for $1.
I thought “What a cheap skate.”
6 Likes
Who were the greenest Presidents in U.S. history?
The Bushes.
4 Likes
If he were alive, what would Elvis be doing now?
Clawing at the inside of his coffin.
8 Likes
I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I am OK.
5 Likes
