Why is it that you can never count on Yoda to pick up the tab?
Because he’s always a little short!
7 Likes
After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside.
6 Likes
What do you call a corpse with a winning lottery ticket in his pocket?
A lucky stiff!
5 Likes
We’re having a “Diarrhea Awareness Week” at work right now…
Runs till Friday. 
6 Likes
I lost my wife’s audio book
Now I’ll never hear the end of it
4 Likes
Speaking of diarrhea… an airlines flight had to return to original airport because of 1 individual who had diarrhea.
No joke here but must have been worse case ever!
1 Like
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” the doctor said. “Those are just contractions.”
6 Likes
How do you say “constipation” in German?
“Farfrumpoopen”.
2 Likes
Ever try archery while blindfolded? No?
You don’t know what you’re missing!
3 Likes
What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
3 Likes
I lost my job at the bank. This lady asked me to check her balance for her, so I pushed her over.
4 Likes
What part of the computer never stops working?
The keyboard…it has two shifts
5 Likes
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His Mrs. was understandably upset, so he asked her what he could do to make it up.
“When I get home from work tonight, there’d better be something parked in our driveway that will go 0 to 200 in 5 seconds!”, said Mrs. Bob.
So later that evening, in the driveway sat a big, fancy box with a pretty ribbon and bow on it. Inside the box was a shiny, brand new, state-of-the-art…bathroom scale.
Bob was never heard from again.
5 Likes