What’s a forklift?
Food, usually. 
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What do you call a bunny with bleas?
Bugs bunny
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I opened the medicine cabinet and a bottle of Omega 3 capsules fell on my head
Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.
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Did you know deer can jump higher than the average house? It’s because of their strong hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.
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I’m addicted to brake fluid, but it’s OK because I can stop at any time.
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This is a true story. Happened yesterday.
I was with my daughter and her mom the other day. They were having “women talk” and the subject of birth control was mentioned. I was ignoring them letting them have the talk and I heard my daughter say “dad probably has no idea what we’re talking about”. I said “I know a little bit about the subject, just ask your brother.”
My daughter’s an only child.
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What’s long, green and thin, wears a top hat and tails, carries a cane, and LOVES to dance?
Fred Asperagus.
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How does NASA organize a party..?
They planet 
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What’s the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?
About two weeks.
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What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business?
Try Sarah’s Tops
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Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed
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What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open-toad
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Why do rabbits eat carrots?
No bunny knows.
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Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
What do you call it when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown
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What is a flea’s favorite way to travel?
Itch hiking.
Which bird has the worst manners?
Mockingbird
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I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
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I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.
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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
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Go on then 
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Knowing I’d reached my 3-post-limit you had my back to keep them coming, what a legend you are! 
A couple of jokes a day keeps the doctor away they say…
1 Like