Almost at 6 months, nerves change daily from stoic to completely raw. Been fighting with the wife daily. To her credit she is going to al-anon for some understanding I guess. But when we fight she still puts in my face behaviors of when I was drinking. Mind you, I was a happy, social, drink till its empty, last guy at the party drunk. If not cornered, crossed words didnt enter my mind. If not cornered. Now I just dont want to be bothered, the only communication is through arguing…definitely missing the old standby…
I’ve noticed that sobriety, especially early sobriety, often has a profound impact on marriages.
In my experience, I was able to tolerate what I would have called “nagging” because of booze. Now that I don’t have that to lean on, I have to actually work on addressing our issues. She has needs, I have needs, sometimes our needs conflict. Vocalising our needs helps us understand where we are emotionally and let’s us know what we need. Sometimes it’s the one thing that sucks about sobriety, we want it to strengthen our relationships, but sometimes, it does the opposite, but if you feel it’s worth it, it can be salvaged, just takes time.
Glad your back dude, very well said.
My marriage has never been better, but for the first 4-6 months it was somewhat tumultuous. Lots of angry walking and why doesn’t she get it feels.
We have expectations and when they’re not met satisfactorily they can really through a wrench into OUR scheme. Communication is key. Always approach a conversation with an understanding that we all have needs and wants, gotta talk it through until either an agreed upon compromise is met, or an understanding that sometimes your needs maybe aren’t as important on that particular issue.
Living with a drunk is hard work, theres gonna be lots of lasting feels because of it. The caretakers of a drunk can be just as sick as the drunk themselves too. Just give it time.
I wanted to leave my wife for some time, but when it really came down to it, she was the only person I’d want in the foxhole with me in a firefight so we made it work.
Keep trudging friend, it’ll all work out.
Couldn’t agree more! Also to back up your point of expectations, especially in relationships, I always reference the below:
Very well said bro.
Okay, that one just went in the book.
I relate to this 100%. My husband is the biggest nag on the planet. It seems like that’s the only language he speaks, and it makes me crazy! My default response after so many years is literally to ignore him and then drown my irritation and hurt with my addictions. Irriating as the nagging is, hurt is what resonates under the surface of irritation because when he nags, what I hear is that nothing I do is right. I’m coming upon three weeks sober right now and I really don’t even want to be in the same room with him right now because there’s nothing to make his attitude more tolerable. What I really need to do is communicate with him and work out our issues, but that sounds like utter torture! Since drinking isn’t an option, and listening to his bullshit, I’ve just been avoiding him and staying in a different part of the house. This most likely can’t go on forever. @funnydad, I also just don’t wanna be bothered anymore. Communication is a bitch! But I guess it’s necessary if we’re going to continue living in the same house
I’ve had the same with my very recently seperated husband, the constant threats and knock downs of my past drinking, I’m six months sober myself. Just feels like no matter how much sobriety time I had , he really couldn’t forgive me for my drunken self months before. I couldn’t carry on with it anymore and ended it, my sobriety and future life needs to be happy and staying made me miserable
Sorry to hear it didnt work out… as the expression goes, “to thine own self be true”. I hope to be able to work through the issues but my own sobriety grows more important with each day… good luck to you in sobriety @RedDragon and on your journey to a healthy and rewarding future.
You have to take care of yourself.