My sponsor once told me he wouldn’t take a first drink for a million dollars. But if he did, he would give me a million dollars, his house, his wife, his children and his health for his second, third, fourth…
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For me I try to ask myself what value does it add and if I ever really had a good time drinking. More often than not those reflections lead me to realize I’ve only ever been mean spirited and hurtful while drinking or completely irresponsible after drinking. So I refrain.
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What stopped me in my early days was the realization that every reason I had to drink really wasn’t true, or good. It was an excuse. “I want to drink to celebrate”…sure drinking poision is a great thing to do to celebrate-not. “I am feeling stressed and it will take it away” Nope! The things I did while drinking caused MORE stress. “I want to drink and be social” True connections don’t need alcohol, that actually makes them worse. “I will just have one” NOPE!! I neeeever just had one-I drank to get a buzz.
For me, I asked myself what good would ONE drink do?!? Nothing…It just makes me want more.
Now I have surrendered fully, I know I am absolutely powerless over alcohol when I take the first drink. When I drink that first one, the drink takes me and I end up in places I don’t want to go. So, instead I do whatever it takes to end my day sober. Doing things completely differently has brought me to an entirely new life. I’m beyond grateful for that. This keeps me sober.
I could have my old life back. All I have to do is have just one drink and I’ll end up back there pretty much immediately. But this is a progressive and fatal affliction so I won’t be there long. One drink isn’t worth the cost of my life.
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I recently had this experience at a birthday party where I saw all of my old friends. I quickly realized why I had moved 500 miles away. One guy bugged me all night to have a shot with him. “Just One” “Come on, for me!” “You can take one shot…”. My answer was always a rendition of “I can’t have one, I’m an alcoholic and my sobriety is more important”. Having one shot with the super drunk dude at the party would have meant the world to him then (probably wouldn’t even remember it in the morning) and to me, it would have been starting over and I’m just not willing to do that.
I really like being alone, I live in a very small community and enjoy time to myself but I did realize I couldn’t sit and do nothing with all this extra time and energy. I became a volunteer firefighter and have really enjoyed that it gives me the opportunity to interact with people and focus on something good. I’m not saying run out and bury yourself with extra stuff, but I’ve found volunteering immensely helpful in maintaining my sobriety. Lots of opportunities out there with shelters, non-profits, municipalities, etc. Check it out if you’re interested.
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What is it that you want for yourself in life? Do you think all the people who say that dumb shit to you really care about your own best interests? They are as empty as a bottle of beer after you finish it…Nothing good…
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Good of you to look out for new ways to cope with cravings. What has helped me a lot in the beginning was distraction. And in a situation like yours (the camping planning) I would definitely have eaten some chocolat because that was my plan B in those early recovery days 
And somethimes just the thought “every craving is temporary” helped me to sit it out too.
Well done for your 13 days! 
Are you going for a holiday soon? We have a lovely thread to share our sober travels in
See you around! 
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I tell myself ‘one is too many’ 
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I’ve been known to drink with friends, mostly at parties. But more and more these days, I drink when I’m alone. Sometimes I drink BECAUSE I’m alone.
I agree that not drinking is isolating. It reminds me of some intense stomach problems I had a few years ago (not alcohol-related). Because I was avoiding most foods (and barely eating) every dinner with friends or family felt isolating. It made me too aware of myself, and too distant from everyone else. And I still feel that way when having dinner with my family. Not being able to drink with them makes me feel defective. It makes me feel visible and invisible in all the wrong ways.
But sometimes it’s good to avoid that one drink. I went to a party once, and I abstained from drinking because I was on anti-anxiety meds. I felt like crap the whole time, and I thought I would be miserable. But I managed to loosen up a bit, and apparently I did a good job at being my normal funny self, because someone at the party asked a friend for my number.
Point being, you may always be tempted to have that one drink. But just because you want it doesn’t mean you need it.
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That’s how I used to be. I was put away a 12 pack and stumble through my night. It’s not fair to my wife or kids or myself. At almost 500 days, I don’t ever want to say I need a restart. It won’t ever happen
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Once I was able to re-set my relationship with alcohol, I was able to peacefully co-exist with it. I no longer look at booze as something I’m missing out on, nor do I associate any pleasure with drinking it. I have basically had it neutralized through working the 12 steps.
I neither fear, nor desire it, nor fantasize about it or think it will make any aspect of my life better. I’m basically done and over it - haven’t had an urge or thought to use in over 3 decades of my 40+ sober yrs.
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What stops me is knowing that one drink is a death sentence.
It will creep back in slowly and quietly, one here, one there. Then I’ll be back to bring a zombie corpse with no social life and everything else that comes with being a drunk.
I’ll stick to soft drinks!!!
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Thank you so much for sharing this. I have been wracking my brain, trying to figure out ,how to stop myself from relapsing again. For me, It has a lot to do with my brain telling me things like- even though drinking is a traumatic life style, not drinking will be such an empty existence and I’m trying to work out how to change this mind set…I guess you could say it’s a lie because,it’s been so long since I have stayed sober that I wouldn’t know what it’s like.
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Never forget this: The addictive part of your brain will do anything to trick you into picking up a drink. It will lie, it will tell you stories, it will give you ideas, it will paint pictures, hell, it will let you imagine complete scenes with fabricated memories.
Those memories of you using that will feel like a flash back of good times? It’s a fabrication. A part of it will be real experience that you had, but it is redacted by your addiction. Your addiction will remove all the negative parts, enhance the ok ones and throw in some really good fake ones.
The addicted part of your brain is the most convincing deep fake machine there is. No AI in the world can compete with that.
So never forget: It’s fake news, it’s a deep fake memory and it is one big fat lie. Your addiction does not care for you, or your health, or well being at all. It just wants to be fed its DOC. It does not have your interests in mind, just its own.
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Thank you. I needed to read this and I have to remember to keep this in my mind when those negative thoughts drop in.
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And keep in mind that eventually that fabricated memory of happy booze/drug times will disappear and no longer occur. One can become neutralized to one’s previous DOC.
The struggle to stay straight in the early days can result in being happy, joyous and free of phony booze memories and urges.
Being straight becomes its own reward.
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I heard the other day we all have two lives and the second one starts when we realize we only have one.
Think I’ll keep this one.
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Once again, exactly what I needed to read. Thanks again. I know it’s going to be hard and I’m fine with that. I just hate how my mind constantly tells me I am going to be forever miserable no matter what I choose…Do you know of any good books or podcasts for quitting?
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I like recovery elevator podcast!!
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As a person that drank with their dad… He knows my situation, wants to help… He doesn’t want me keeping drinks in the house for him. He said he’s not serving alcohol in his home when I’m there.
Seems like you and your dad are cool. I’m sure he’s on your side… Get rid of it, he won’t want the beer when he understands the severity / temptation of keeping it around.
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Exactly this. I don’t want one drink. I want 4, 5, 6 or more. One drink would be so disappointing, and I’d probably relapse so hard. I dont know if I could come back out of it. So, I say no to one.
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