I’m not sure where to start or what to say, but I am sure that I need to be here.
I am sober today–and right now that’s all I can say, but at least I can say that. I am sober today. For the first time since my addiction started I feel grateful that I’m able to name it as an addiction. Meth and GHB have taken me to a point of being unrecognizable to myself, and I want so badly to do better than what I’ve done. The past year I have watched my “hard limits” change. I wasn’t going to use at home…or when others were awake…or alone…or when my parents came to visit…or, or, or, or. And I did. And I’m learning to be gentle to myself and sit with that.
Some context; I am full of shame in saying that I am a substance use therapist. For years now I have spent my life hearing about the horrors of addiction and for reasons I’m still trying to understand, I made the decision to hand my life over to it wrapped up with a bow. I have become engulfed in feelings of being an imposter, or a fraud, and have never felt this lost in my life. I’m only 29 years old, but I can’t help but feel that my life is slipping out of my hands faster than I can grip back.
I’m not sure what I hope by writing. I think my hope is that this will help me process and take ownership of my addiction and my decisions–that it will help me learn to be kind to myself. I’ve never said any of this out loud or to others. I’m not ready to tell those closest to me. Not yet.
I’m grateful for everyone posting here. I feel a little bit less lonely now, and that means more than being high does to me. Maybe this is how it starts. But it doesn’t have to be how it ends.
Welcome to TS @rkckr Kyle
You are definitely not alone, the lights here are always on to talk and share, find inspiration, information, encouragement, distraction, support and more
Thank you for sharing your story. Keep us posted and keep writing, it helps.
Welcome! We know and understand. We hand ourselves over to addiction because we are addicts. Before the alcohol or substances got added I was an addict. I am an addict and because of that I have to live a different way to others. But you already know all this
Come stay clean and sober with us 24 hours at a time
Welcome. This place is great that it is a safe place to share what you are not ready to do irl yet, and there are so many members you are bound to find someone you relate to. We are all just taking it one day at a time.
I worked in the addiction recovery field for 20 years and found the incidence of addiction somewhat higher among counselors than the general public. Go figure.
Glad you’re here, Kyle! Yes, it does start like you said. If we’re fortunate we reach that point in our timelines of seeing we couldn’t do it anymore alone. I’ve known several addicts and alcoholics whose timeline was in their teens. I was a late bloomer, got sober at 46.
identifying and owning our disease, asking for help on how to stay clean & sober and being willing to do whatever it takes to not use/drink is what puts in motion our desire to be free from the obsession. You can do this!
Checking out Narcotics Anonymous will likely be helpful, too. We don’t have to, or need to, use or drink anymore, friend. Stick with us, please.
Welcome, you are absolutely not alone & I’m glad you’re here and got that off your chest. Addiction doesn’t discriminate. And it’s different perspective when we see it in others until we have experienced it ourselves, at least that’s what happened for me. But now that I’ve sat in that darkness and found a way to the light, I can really help others as I understand it more. It took quite a bit of time of self-focus and commiting myself to my own recovery, but it’s also saved and changed my life. I started that journey right here in this forum. I’m glad you’re here and reached out.
Welcome Kyle! It does start by recognizing the problem, and we learn and grow from there. There’s lots of wisdom in recovery, here on Talking Sober and also in recovery groups and recovery writers (lists here: Resources for our recovery).
Don’t by shy about joining a recovery group. Addiction loves shame, because guilt and shame prevents sustained sobriety. Turning and facing it directly and honestly, and opening up with knowledgeable people (like those in healthy addiction recovery groups) is helpful. There are meetings in person and online. Talking Sober folks are helpful too.
Congratulations for that. Seriously, you are amazing and I am proud of you. You can do it. I had to lose everything before I stopped 22yrs ago. Thee best decision I had ever made in my life.
The shame and guilt faded over time for me. When Life would get Life-y I reminded myself of that shame and guilt. And think,” Not to today” I don’t ever have to feel that way again. As long as I don’t pick up. Addiction is progressive. If left untreated, it gets worse,
How worse you might ask…
22yrs clean,
4yrs sober ,
1yr 40days Post Liver Transplant
Hey, well done for being brave and sharing your story. I have also had an addiction to GHB where it was close to ruining my life -im a year older than you (I started going NA meetings last year that have really helped but did have a lot of people asking me what G was as they hadn’t really heard of it before). I’ve just passed 30 days of a recent relapse where I was almost 60 days but feel willing to never touch it again as the relapse just wasn’t worth it. If you need any tips or a chat please feel free to reach out to me and keep going, you’ve got this!
Just now reading the thread and Im such a huge fan of this community. Welcome to the most supportive, least judgemental corner of the internet Kyle and in case you havent seen it yet you can DM someone by clincking on their name on their post and there will be a blue “message” option that pops up
Keep up the great work everyone! Im on day 22 alcohol and c*oke free and its hard work to say the least but im starting to have more and more little moments of joy sprinkled in and this forum is a huge part of why. Thanks all 🩷
This place is great that it is a safe place to share what you are not ready to do irl yet, and there are so many members you are bound to find someone you relate to. We are all just taking it one day at a time.
