This year has forced me to address my health in various ways.
My current medical issues are not related to my drinking (by the Grace of God) but were definitely ignored and put off until I was forced to address which happened to be as I was also working on getting sober this last year. (Currently on Day 43)
I have a condition that I began treatment for earlier this year and thankfully it had been stabilized and every day pain and major risks have been mitigated.
Then a separate medical issue has become a major problem and daily source of pain and discomfort and I had a procedure last Tuesday as a first step. Since then I’ve been in so much pain and my recovery has been completely awful.
I’m physically and emotionally drained. I feel so weak, again physically and emotionally.
I don’t necessarily have the desire to drink but I am definitely in a low, defeated, dark place and I feel like things are not going to get better which scares me.
It’s hard living life “raw” and I haven’t even had the energy to get on any AA zoom meetings like I was before. I am either in bed, bath, or on the couch trying to subside the pain, crying, and just feeling like shit and honestly the worst I’ve ever felt in my life.
I know I’m not the only one living with extreme medical struggles. How does sobriety fit in? I need some hope.
That must be hard.
being on couch, in bath or else, while suffering, is a rough experience, but would be even worse with alcohol.
Of course our brain might think a drink could fix the pain for awhile. But that’s a lie because we all know the backlash of drinking: hangover + whatever it can add to the current pain…
In those days I guess it’s one moment at a time.
What can you do to be at least a little more comfortable with this pain? How can you set yourself so you can at least go through the roughest times? Can you be with someone? Watching tv helps? When in crises, there’s no need to search for big answers… small things, baby steps, don’t ask yourself too much.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Try to sit or lay in the sunshine for a bit every day. It will boost your spirits and fight depression. Maybe just listen in on the zoom AA meeting with video off?
I hope everything gets better for you or at least manageable.
Also you said you had a treatment last week,
Maybe tell yourself that its ok to take time to get better,
Its ok to feel a bit low considering what your going through, i know myself that its hard learning to deal with my emotions without alcohol or substances, emotions are hard, have you spoken to a dr or a therapist?
As your noticing these feelings now its probably best to get some help with them before they take over as you have done so well like Wow 43 days that is a brilliant achievement.
Thanks everyone. Maybe I rambled too much but I definitely am NOT implying that drinking would help anything.
I guess what I’m trying to express is how can I keep my sobriety an active priority (other than just NOT drinking) while also physically feeling like shit all the time due to illness.
I.e. joining zoom with the camera off…I’m going to strive to do that so I can at least hear the meetings and not need the energy to actively participate.
I’m worried that if I just DON’T DRINK and don’t work on the rest that even I start to feel better I won’t have these tools handy to equip me with continuing to stay sober.
I hope that clarifies.
Adding a hangover to this existing hot mess express right now would probably kill me, which I have no desire to do.
Reading on here is alway good too… do you have any favorite people who respond to you? You coukd go on their profile and find threads they participated in or just search topics that interst yiu on the main search.
Edit. I forgot to mention recovery podcasts on Spotify.
Podcasts would be easy so I can just turn them on and listen and can be laying down. I started The Naked Mind then just didn’t really stay interested. Any recommendations? Audible books could fall in this arena too.
