Is it with yourself you’re practicing forgiveness or with others? Or both?
My husband was sex messaging other women years back. I was nursing my mum who had lung cancer and lived 50 miles away. He said he was lonely 
it was 15 years ago. We had two small boys 2+7 so I decided to not rip the fam apart. I was actively drinking lots and it was easy to pretend it didn’t happen. Since getting sober it has inevitably bubbled up and I made the decision to forgive and move on. But I just can’t shake it. I just keep thinking what if I was to get poorly!? He’d be lonely then…my lads are grown now, 18+23. My life is constantly changing, which is great. I just need to figure out how to forgive AND forget 
…sorry for long reply 
10 Likes
10 Likes
No worries at all about the long reply and that makes total sense to me. I really hope you get some peace and acceptance soon 
3 Likes
Thank you this thread calms my mind and I enjoy trying the tips and tricks to help my mental health. In time I’m sure it will all sort its self out. At least my head is clear in order to chew through all of these feelings.
6 Likes
Getting over betrayal isn’t necessarily forgiving or forgetting. Look into coming back from betrayal and dig deeper within yourself. I totally feel for you and with you on this one.
3 Likes
Omfg I tripped out on what I just read but in a good way, like it makes so much sense. I think a few of you had tried to tell me similar things when Faith had left me but I just didn’t grasp it until I read this. If you don’t mind I want to share what I just read. It’s out of the “big book” for ACA (adult children of alcoholics ) thank you!!!
“There are many types of bottoms in ACA. Some of our members hit a bottom with alcoholism or addiction. Others hit a bottom in codependent relationships that can be just as addictive as drugs. For instance, some adult children become obsessed and develop a compulsion for another person that is similar to the addict’s obsession and compulsion for drugs. The “withdrawal” from an addictive, codependent relationship can be just as painful, if not more painful, as an addict’s withdrawal from drugs. ACA members know that codependent pain can grip a person’s body with an agonizing sense of abandonment. The fear of abandonment can be so powerful that it makes breathing and concentration difficult. Fear of going insane is not uncommon. Some adult children have been struck with anxiety or panic attacks when going through a codependent separation. For many, it is too much to take without help. Codependent pain of this magnitude is actually our childhood terror of abandonment inserting itself in to the break up. The intense fear of losing our spouse or partner is really our Inner Child reliving the fear of being unloved or unwanted by our family. There are many definitions for codependence, but for our purposes, codependence means that we constantly look outside of ourselves for love, affirmation, and attention from people who cannot provide it. At the same time, we believe that we are not truly worthy of love or attention. In our view, codependence is driven by childhood fear and distorted thinking known as para-alcoholism. We choose dependent people who abandon us and lack clarity in their own lives because it matches our childhood experiences.”
10 Likes
13 Likes
OMFG. . .that sent chills down my spine. I need to look further into ACA & find this book.
2 Likes
Right??!!?? I’m glad it struck a cord with you too!!!
2 Likes
Sorry for my ignorance but what is the “big book” that you’re reading. I just reread your posting again & it has really gripped me.
1 Like
It’s the ACA book that is there Big Book. I’ll take a pic of it for you.
I got it as an ebook for $9.99 on Amazon
1 Like
14 Likes