I just want to say hello to all of you. You can call me spring, as I am starting a new beginning here. I initially decided to choose a sober life in 2018. My life before then was constant chaos, as some of you can imagine. I discovered that alcohol allowed me to justify any decision. In short, I came to a realization back then and it was time to stop. So how did I do it? I gave up my so called “friendships” and got rid of anything alcohol related. Not an easy task, but I had a vision and I commited to it. So…the obvious question here is why join a sobriety forum if youre already sober? Maybe I want to be part of the community. Maybe I could offer some insight to those who are struggling. However, the truth is that I am still struggling. I may not be struggling with my DOC, but I am really struggling with meaning and purpose. Now, this isnt something simple. Since becoming sober, I had thought that all my internal issues would fix themselves, but I admit I was wrong. I am absolutely wrong in with this assumption. The only thing that getting sober “fixed” was the way I dealt with my issues. Maybe I’m looking for insight as well. Anyway, we all must “spring forward”. I wish everyone a good day.
I relate to this a lot. Not drinking got pretty easy, now i feel like I’m missing something deeper. There is much more to recovery than just quitting drinking.
I had this too! I also got sober in 2018 but I didn’t work a recovery program. I did make some improvements in my life and I connected here with others that helped me realize I can’t go back to drinking. But I didn’t change myself.
After I hit 2 years sober, I realized I was continuing my old patterns and I was the problem. I didn’t know if there was anyone out there to listen, but I prayed asking for help to change me. And by a series of undeniable events I was brought to AA the morning after that prayer. I was ALL in as I figured I had nothing to lose but the potential to gain so much. And gain I did as really surrendering this time to that program changed EVERYTHING for me. And still does.
Welcome, I’m glad you’re here! We aren’t meant to do it alone.
Welcome Spring!
I got sober in 2019 and still come to this forum daily and work the AA program. There’s a ton to learn from others in recovery and I’m glad I remain teachable. Glad you’re here and hope to see ya around.
Welcome Spring!! Like you and the others who have replied experienced, I got sober in 2017 and about 2 years in I was ready to tackle the underlying issues in my life and continuing learning new ways of being /growing in the world. That’s included therapies (talking, movement, stillness), lots of reading, lots of listening and learning, and especially being a part of this sober community and soaking in the wisdom and connection and sharing my experience.
Being sober brings many gifts for sure, but it doesn’t stop life from being a challenge or wipe away our internal struggles and growth challenges. It does offer us more space and clarity to move with more ease thru life tho and to learn and grow…which is a lifelong thing…we never reach some pinnacle of life mastery. Well that has been my experience and belief at least.
Anyway, glad you are here and reaching out!! It is a great community.
Welcome, @Spring ! What @SassyRocks said. I’m closing in on one year sober and I think now that I have been facing life’s challenges without the unhealthy crutch alcohol provided, I get to dig deeper within and face my own demons. There is suffering in life, that is unavoidable. But there can be a great deal more suffering that we cause ourselves with our own propensities. This forum really helps me. Thank you for joining and I look forward to seeing more from you.
Welcome @Spring I had the same realization. For me I think of it like growing. There is no point where a tree says “I am done growing, I’m gonna stay exactly like this, I’m perfect”. The tree is always stretching branches in new directions, evolving, adjusting, growing into its environment. The growth of the tree benefits the tree, and also the animals and plants around the tree.
Sobriety is the same. Not drinking is one thing - that’s a basic commitment - but growth doesn’t come from not growing. Growth is every day, one step, one branch, one leaf at a time. It’s a social experience, in groups with others (like here on Talking Sober).
Nice meeting you, looking forward to seeing you around!
Welcome Spring! Oh boy I can relate to your post. The first month was a struggle with not drinking but after that the not picking up was fairly easy it was the getting through each day facing issues and challenges sober that kicked my butt. I also thought just the act of quitting would fix so many things but it was just one step in the right direction.
Great share my friend. I am joyful you are sober this long!!!
I would personally like to know as much as you’re willing to share about what issues you started grappling with after soberiety, how you’ve managed them all this time while being sober and why you think you still struggle or anticipate struggling with them?
Aside from the obvious physical adjustments, there is the issue with loneliness. Most of the people I knew at that time were drinkers. Upon becoming sober, I went through a rocky time. Part of the reason was because of where I lived. I lived in a retirement town due to my job at the time, which there was not much to do in a place like that except drink, eat, and spend money. The nearest city was about an hour away. I had since moved around quite a bit. I did some travel work doing technical work and then being a technical instructor, which was probably one of my favorite jobs. Here is where I discovered a love for hiking. Although this was great and kept me engaged for a time, all things must change eventually. So, I moved back to a place I lived before due to circumstance. COVID was in full swing, so of course this made my loneliness worse, and not just for me. However, I have since gotten into a routine.
So, I don’t mean to annoy you with the backstory here, but what is the common factor here? I am the ultimate cause of my own issues. I need to be accountable for the things I can control and accept the things I can’t. My biggest struggle as of late is loneliness, and I really have a hard time relating to other people. However, my experiences are quite different from other people’s experiences. I think that because of this, I have a really difficult time connecting to others. Its one thing to have a conversation, but its another have a meaningful one. A conversation with someone who you can really relate to is kind of a difficult thing to find (especially now with most people I meet live on social media), but when you do it can be like a breath of fresh air. However, in my experience, most people who pop up in my life often disappear quickly. I suppose the saying “easy come, easy go” has some truth to it. The other issue I am facing is finding a sense of purpose. To a lot of people, their job is their purpose, but what about deciding that you hate your job? I have done many things, and I really only enjoyed teaching. I don’t mind technical work (depending on what it is), but I am not going to be doing this forever either. Going back to the loneliness subject, I suppose the question here is: what do I do about this? Is there anything I can do about this? Unfortunately, the way I see it is that I have to ‘shoot in the dark’ so to speak. Hopefully this answers your questions somewhat. One thing I do know now is we need to build connections with others. Some how, some way, we need to keep trying, even in the face of adversity.
You hit the nail on the head with this one. As I have been experiencing, I am my own worst enemy and I cause myself a lot of unneeded suffering. However, the best thing here is that I know this. The scary thing here is change. The fear of “what if it doesn’t work out?” often crosses my mind. As someone years ago told me: “fear is of the negative. The negative is destructive.”
Like you, I didn’t use a sobriety program or went through an organization. I buckled down and did the work to be sober. Now, this doesn’t make me (or you) better than anyone. We simply did this our own way. However, I struggle with meaning, purpose, loneliness (you know, the usual stuff). I have been praying a lot for a lot of different reasons. I suppose I am in this point in my life where I am trying to figure some things out…Anyway, I hope to see more from you and the rest of the forum.
You’re definitely right about this. I am not sure if in order to find meaning we have to try different things all the time, or if it just comes to us. I have met some people that have found their purpose and with that they found meaning early in their life. Others, I met and they fought it the entire way before accepting what they were called to do. There are a million “maybes” but not enough “definites” as in saying this is the thing we were meant for. I suppose this search is the challenge. I like to believe that all searches eventually end. I pray that you find meaning and purpose. I pray for everyone that they find peace and purpose.
Wow, what an intelligent, thoughtful and thorough response. Most appreciated.
One of my sober plan points is to build up a support network. To find my tribe. To surround myself with positive people who support my recovery. To learn to truly love myself. Deeply. To have compassion for myself. To change my negative thoughts and negative living. I’ve burnt so many bridges in my life. Hurt so many oeople. Been so selfish. If the maxim of “hurting people hurt people” is true, then by doing the work to treat myself better I will treat others better.
Drugs and alcohol for me was never a problem it was the solution for all my internal problems.The reason i got loaded initially was because i had been hurt to my soul to the point my spirit had been traumatized.Soon as i took that first sip i instantly felt invincible;all care,worry,and self doubt went out the front door.Which i continued to run from whatever i had going on the inside under the guise that i was medicating for about 28years.When i first got sober i thought same thing that i will be good and that i didnt need to do any step work,counseling,meetings,excercise,eat a balanced diet,or anything.i thought that all i had to do was not pick up that first one and i will be fine,truth of the matter once i took away the drugs and alcohol what was i left with.I was left with myself and that was the scariest most ugly creature i ever had to face.thats when i realized the purposes and meaning of treatment,recovery,and sobriety.recovery to me is about getting myself back.becoming humane again.sobriety for me is about learning to be comfortable with myself and the position i am at in life without the need to look for an external solution for my internal problems.And for this type of condition the only treatment i seen fit that worked for me was getting incontact with my higher power and let my higher powers will be done not mine because my will will have me in a tent overdosing not my higher power.my higher powers will will have me giving back,setting goals and accomplishing them,doing things that feed the spirit and inreturn will fill that void i had.just saying
All I can really say is that we cant go back. I wish so many times I could go back and change things. However, would I have really learned anything if I didnt make my mistakes and wrong decisions? I like to believe that everything has its purpose. For example, I mentioned that people come into my life quickly and often leave quickly. Well, this recently happened and I got along with that person well. However, they became distant and are now basically out of my life. From this encounter, I realize what I have been missing and I finally had a moment clarity where I figured out what really matters to me. Now, my hope is that this person will come back into my life, but this is something I cant control, as they have served thier purpose. Also, its not just the purpose of what someone plays in your life, but also the role you assume in thier life, even for a short time. Just as they didnt realize what impact they had on me (unintentionally), but I had an impact in thier life, even if it doesnt come to fruition immediately. Now, this may sound like pseudo science or some kind faith driven concept, but one has to wonder if some things are coincidence or not?
I had the same realization. For me I think of it like growing. There is no point where a tree says “I am done growing, I’m gonna stay exactly like this, I’m perfect”. The tree is always stretching branches in new directions, evolving, adjusting, growing into its environment. The growth of the tree benefits the tree, and also the animals and plants around the tree.