My addiction is gonna take her away

I have 55 days sober. (SA,) I go to meetings. I’ve found my faith. And I have no desire to relapse or act out.
But the damage has been done. We still live together, but she met someone else and is currently out on a date with him while I’m home with the kids.
I feel so empty. So broken.
She’s my soulmate… And my addiction has more than likely taken her away from me. I don’t know what I’m gonna do… Except stay sober. That’s the only thing in my control.
I will not let this take anything else away from me.

12 Likes

All you can do is the next right thing… maybe in the end she will be back. We drag our significant others through hell with us in our addiction, it’s not fair to them. Congrats on 55 days, it’s amazing, keep going. I wish you the best.

3 Likes

Thank you. And your right. It’s not fair to her at all. But again, it’s out of my control.
Thanks for responding. Have a good night.

2 Likes

Thats tough man. How long were you in active addiction?

Strong words from you. Congrats on being sober. I am sorry for all that has happened… ODAAT… I wish you healing, strength, and better days ahead.

1 Like

That’s tough mate… and in my opinion an unneeded way of hurting the other.
Yes, we do it ourselves, but she could have had the decency and dignity to wait with dating till things were settled between the both of you.

This is just extra painful and I see no reason to justify dating another while still luving together.

Take care !

1 Like

On and off for almost 2 decades. I didn’t even realize it.

1 Like

Thank you :pray:

1 Like

Thank you. It is what it is. All I can do is hang on to my sobriety.

6 Likes

Congratulations on the 55 days sober that’s awesome keep it up one day at a time as far as your partner I too put mine through a lot of crap due to my addiction and I lost her for a while but once she seen that I was changing my ways eventually we worked things out but I had to prove to her I was serious about recovery we started dating again after I had 5 months clean and it’s been great since my point is just because she went on a date doesn’t mean that u can’t prove to her that you are a different man now so keep up the sobriety and show her I hope it works out for you

3 Likes

Thank you Mike. That gives me hope. I’m so glad for my recovery and sobriety. And I know, no matter what happens, I’ll be ok. And I’ll be sober. My sobriety is the one thing I have control of.

Have a great day :+1::pray::metal:

3 Likes

If I might make a small suggestion: get a copy of the book The Love Dare. Read it and do exactly what it says to do. Do it willingly and faithfully. Don’t be discouraged if she doesn’t reciprocate. It’s about giving, not getting.

If you still love her, then love her. Love is action, not feeling.

You share children. This is a forever bond. Continue your addiction recovery. Do the Love Dare. Become the mate she deserves, and she just might decide to stay. Taking no action is not an option. Fight for the relationship, but do so wisely.

3 Likes

That’s the right attitude my friend you have a great day too

1 Like

That is great advice. Thank you. I’ll check that book out. And I am fighting carefully. I’m showing her what I can without trying to over step.

2 Likes

I so sorry to hear that man… Life is tough sometimes but we you have to stay storng and it will get better… Think about your childrens and do it for them… I have been through similar situation now she is married to someone else. I couldn’t handle it properly and for the past 2 years i have been waking up to do drugs and sleep when I blackout… Cz I didn’t wanted to face the reality and it destroyed my relationship with my family lost the job lost everything… I have been clean just for three days and when I see the happiness in my mothers eyes now somehow that gives me the courage to face the reality… My current goal is to reach where you are right now and you are already a champion in my eyes for being sober for that long, just don’t give up, drugs might help you escape reality for a short period but the truth is it only gets worse… Just don’t give in to the temptations…
And we are all here for your journey, much love to you brother… and stay strong…

1 Like

Thank you. Yes, life is tough. And I’m not doing just for my kids, it’s for myself. I can’t be that person anymore. I don’t want to be. So my sobriety is for me. No matter what happens.
You’ve made the first step… The courage that takes is not something to be taken lightly. Be proud. We all, no matter what the addiction is, start at day 1.

You can do it. I beleive in you.

Have a great day brother. Stay strong.
You got this. :muscle:

2 Likes

And I hope you get everything that you want… God bless you brother…
And thanks …

1 Like

I hope the same for you! God bless you as well. :pray:

I have almost 4 years of sobriety and when I started to get clean I thought my marriage was over then I realized that me and my husband needed to figure each other out again, like who we were as one and what we wanted in life then I asked him if he would go on a date with me but no sex it was a date to get to know him again, and then we started to go on dates twice a week until we were comfortable with him moving back in. And this made my marriage stronger than it ever has been because for one we have been together since we were 14 so over 20 years and have 5 kids together so we never really had us time and I only cared about my drugs not my marriage so I thought my marriage was beyond broken. So my advice is ask her on a date and tell you that you just want to go out and get to know her no arguing and nothing sexual just to get to know her again the person who you once knew and loved so much before your addiction, she’s not going to want you to beg and I’m sure she has already heard I’m sorry to many times and she is probably tired of hearing that you won’t do it again so if she agrees to go on a date I would suggest take her on s long walk and find out who she really is again and don’t talk about your addiction at all just really get to know her. . Hope this helps

3 Likes

Thank you for the advice. I’ll try that. I just don’t think now is the right time. She’s dating someone else. The only thing i can do is just be there for her. My sobriety and program are my main focus right now. That’s the only thing I can control.
Have a great day. :pray: