Very strange evening. My wife got very drunk she became sentimental, argumentative, analytical.
Everything will be back to normal tomorrow. Coffee will be on in morning and she will greet me with a smile.
She drinks to fill anxiety and I like to drink because I feel lonely and want more of a connection.
Can anyone relate to this marriage?
I cannot say I am really hurt by tonight. I know my wife loves me, is loyal, would be at my dying bedside and would die for our kids. I just have this lonely void. I guess it is my problem
I’m a big jerk when I drink and would kind of do the same… sometimes I would remember, sometimes I wouldn’t. I’d like to think I’m not that way (a big jerk) in person sober. Anytime I’m around someone drinking or drunk I keep the conversation light and/or redirect it if it starts to get weird. I wouldn’t take the conversation personal I guess? Do you feel comfortable bringing this up with her when she’s not drinking or hungover?
It’s hard to have a close connection when drinking. It just is. Being sober now with my husband is a game changer. Maybe you two can stop drinking together?
I struggle with this. My fiancé drinks
Only once during the week and then Friday and Saturday. It’s perpetual.
I makes me want to vomit. I know he says it’s to relax because he does a physical hard job all week for 13+ hours or more.
Yet he’s never left my side in the many faces I have changed into, and my girls. He would take a bullet for us - no question. Loyal to the T.
Yes - everything does go back to norm like it’s not big deal. I resonate. I feel loneliness too. Every time I see him disconnect and glazed eyes - how terrifying it was that he is no longer there.
The strange thing was that the drinking was a topic of conversation. We both work from home but I barely see her during day as she is constantly calling into meetings. It is almost like she avoids talking to me and then uses wine for an excuse to talk.
It seems weird writing this. If you were to meet us during day you would think we were well suited with similar sense of humour etc. It is just my wife always has herself engaged in something eg TV etc
With the exception of your wife drinking, our partners sound similar. I spend most nights reading by myself or listening to records while wifey watches DVR’d soaps or wanders facebook. Our sex life is all but non existent…maybe once every three months. My wife is also loyal, helpful, etc. but I believe she only wants a room mate. The discussions have been had over & over & over, have been to therapists and countless other efforts to remedy this. A few days after began my sober journey we had a talk and I stated once again that I was lonely, need some connection… at age 50 I feel the clock ticking, I don’t want to die a lonely guy. There is so much more I’d like to experience. I’m currently at day 32, once I get more sobriety under my belt I am going to figure out what direction to go with my marriage.
Rob, we are similar in age. When I was 12 my father had a heart attack at 55. He was a heavy smoker. I am not planning to follow in his footsteps but I have always grew up with the belief that you cannot waste time and that we are mortal. I cannot understand someone spending their life in tv land.
I sympathize about your sex life. Sex is very important to me but thankfully my wife understands that.
I think i always lived in denial about mortality until I was with my mom when she passed and my grandmother last year - both equally difficult. That was when the clock feeling kicked in.
I know you feel lonely but you have to stop waiting in your wife to fulfill your loneliness. start planning and doing things for yourself. self care is a big part of recovery. what are things that you enjoy? also make plans to go out with your friends. you need to find yourself again
That’s the problem with perception. Sometimes it is spot-on, and at others not even in the same zip code as ground truth. Our lifetime experiences color our perceptions. I know I have to be mindful and guard against judging others for drinking, and remember that no matter how many sober days I have, I am never more than a couple drinks away from recapturing my former inglorious drunkenness.
Do you talk about your own sobriety walk, often and in detail, with your mate? This can be a great way to communicate without condemning. You frame the topic with your own experience, challenges, successes, etc, being careful to remain humble throughout. The idea is your wife can internalize it unconsciously, and apply it to examining her own relationship with alcohol…if this makes sense?
My wife has a childhood friend who is a raging alcoholic and she says my wife is the one person who has stood by her and never given up on her. I’m not supposed to know about “Andie’s” issues.
So my wife will tell me about some incident her friend has experienced, like waking up with two black eyes, or with a strange guy. I will only comment on how I felt when I woke up with holes in my memory, or how I began the evening with the best of intentions, and how the first drink grabs you, and pulls so hard. My wife is thankful as now she can relate to her friend, without judgement. As a normie, she can’t possibly have an accurate perception of her friends experience.
