Hi everyone, not sure that I am supposed to be posting like this. If I’m not, I am definitely sorry. I thought I would post here to see if anyone can offer any advice to me.
I have been a drinker for years, about 8 years, heavily. I am a 31 year old that has about 2-3 shots of whiskey and 4-6 beers daily. No one in my “circle” would ever tell me I have a problem, because I am functioning. I have a good job, 2 kids, a wife and a couple very good friends. My drinking has not ever hindered any of those things, in which I cherish. However, I find myself being upset at the end of the night at times, thinking to myself that I shouldn’t be drinking this much. I’ve been trying to tell myself I can stop drinking whenever, but know that is me lying to myself. My goal for now is to stop drinking at least 3 days a week, I would like to get myself to a point that I am only drinking on the weekend.
I don’t want to tell the people I listed above that I am going to cut back my drinking, because I have said it before to them, and failed. But this time, I’m serious. I want them to be able to see a difference without me telling them about it.
So my question is, has anyone here had this mindset about this? If so, can you tell me what you experienced?
I tried telling myself just weekends and then would find excuses to drink during the week anyways. For me personally it has to be all or nothing. But good for you to admit to yourself that you need to try.
It’s really a tough one man. No one can tell you that you have a problem or that you need to stop. Only you can decide that. Unfortunately for many, moderateing alcohol never happens, usually after a lil time abstaining are minds gets worse when we drink again. The relapse gets stronger and it takes over us more. If you are wanting to stop then I would suggest now be the time before it gets deeper worse. For me I’m 30 years old, and my mind didn’t think much of my drinking untill about 29, they usually say when you start feeling this physical change that its time to listen and stop, I started feeling much like you and my mind was yelling at me every night to stop drinking. I’m glad I finally listen because I was ruining my life
It sounds like making compromises; maybe that would work for you. I’m of the same mindset as @Steph31, it just isn’t worth it anymore, for me.
Maybe you could try a sober 30 days and then see how you feel.
4-6 shots and a six pack a day is a lot, to ME, lol…
Either way I’m glad you’re here, Scott!
Hi, I’m Jan and I’m a gaming addict. I’ve had that mindset about gaming. I gamed less… For about 2 weeks, then I went back to 60 hour binges, being held back at school and being suicidal. I’m sorry mate. Moderate use as an addict is simply not possible
I can certainly see how that could be an issue. That’s exactly why I want to test myself before telling my group of friends. I want to see how this will go, and see if I’m capable first!
Welcome, to reiterate one of the things already said…only you can really determine your alcohol problem.
I was an “only on the weekend” drinker for a while. I used to drink all the time, then cut back to weekends, but also as previously mentioned I started finding reasons during the week again.
I feel like trying to make a deal with yourself, to me anyways, was creating an illusion that I could control it. The truth of the matter was, that was only an illusion and a rationalization to make me feel better or more in control of my habit.
My thoughts are that people who are completely in control, drinking socially in moderate/responsible amounts normally do not find themselves facing down internal questions related to drinking habits.
We are all on our own paths, and if you want to take that path it is up to you. For me personally I had to let it go completely and feel a lot better than I did as myself, a father, a spouse, and a friend/family member (my internally identified key life roles).
As far as not telling anybody, I understand your point but feel the accountability aspect isn’t there. You will basically have a free pass every day if you go to relapse because nobody will know any different. They will not be aware of your goals and help hold you to them. My thought would be to sit down and discuss the goals and ensure they are aware of the difficulty and support needed in a situation like this. Communication is key!
These are just some of my inputs, I wish you the best in determining the path that works best for you. This group can be a great resource if you do decide to abstain and need support!
“My drinking has not ever hindered any of those things”
You may think that man but you will never actually know until you stop drinking and get into a rhythm without the sauce. You may be surprised what your priorities were.
Also, cutting down to three nights a week doesn’t allow your body and mind to properly heal. Your sleep will still be interrupted by the presence of alcohol. Plus it sucks constantly monitoring yourself.
If you are willing, stop. Life is so much better on the other side.
Check out Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind. It helped me understand why I couldn’t cut back. I don’t respond to many people on here but your words reminded me of myself.
First, welcome. I am glad you are here, and hope you will stay.
To answer your question, yes, I have experienced this. It’s called “attempted moderation”, where you consciously and deliberately try to drink like a “normal drinker”, which means you are attempting to emulate something that you aren’t.
I could do it for a time, but always fell back to my regular patterns after I’d “proven” that I was in control, ignoring the fact that I was right back to being out if control.
First it was “only two per night”. When that didn’t work, it was “only on weekends”. Then “only beer and wine, no hard stuff”, and on and on.
I wasn’t free, until I embraced the concept of never drinking again.
Have you considered quitting for several weeks or a month, rather than trying to moderate? Maybe read some of the stories here about failed attempts at moderation, and what relapse is like?
You have to walk your path. You might save time, pain, and anguish if you just quit forever, but I am me, and you are you.
Of course man, good luck on your path and always feel free to get in these forums and read everyone’s story. It helped me a lot and you may be surprised how many have similar backgrounds!
