Hi, I figured I would introduce myself as I’m new here. I’ve been a heavy drinker for close to 20 years but always thought I had it under control. Occasionally I would have to much, make a fool of myself, then dial it back for a while until the next big event. For the last 10 years I haven’t driven to a wedding, thanksgiving, or even Easter dinner without knowing my wife would be willing to drive home because I knew I wouldn’t be good too.
Over the last few years it has gotten worse. I finally seeked treatment for PTSD from my time in the military, but instead of helping it made me face my issues and bring up many things I had not thought about. At that point to cope I started getting buzzed every night and drunk at least 2x a week.
During the week I would come home from work and have a couple IPAs before dinner. Then switch to vodka sprites which was just a Yeti with 6 shots of vodka and a can of sprite that I would nurse until bed. Fridays I would rush out of work for lunch at a brewery. The weekend would usually consist of maintaining a buzz all day to being drunk Friday and Saturday night.
Every morning I woke up and drive to work in a fog with a slight hangover. Some drives home would require a nip to make me feel right.
Still I thought nothing was really that wrong with me.
About a two weeks ago I decided I should give sober October a try. I told my wife and she agreed to do it two. Then I still drank that night because it was still September. The next morning driving to work hung over all I could think about was October, how good it would to not drive in a fog and be sober. But within a minute of that I was thinking about stopping to restock the fridge for that week.
Then this past weekend I over did it again. Drank at a friends party. I don’t remember the last hour of the night. But I remember my wife sneaking me out as I had a complete breakdown at the bar, handed the bar tender my drink and told her I was done, I didn’t want to drink anymore.
Right now I have gone two full nights without a drink. The longest I have gone in nearly 20 years.
Quite honestly this is why I never have myself an in the future quit date. My sober date is actually the day before my birthday and even my 12 year old daughter said “you should wait so you can drink on your special day”. But I knew I needed to start NOW or I wouldn’t do it at all.
So good for you for recognizing that it is better to start today
I will warn you that sobriety may bring up some uncomfortable feelings, especially since you say you’re dealing with PTSD. Don’t let that get you back to the bottle. Hiding from those feelings won’t help…it only delays it. It is scary but you seem to have support around you…USE THEM!
I am grateful that you are working on your sobriety now and not waiting for October to make the changes. This is a hard journey and withdrawals can be a bitch. Make sure to stay hydrated and do know that you can’t do this alone and not on just will power. You will need a good support system (grateful that you do have your wife on your side), you can also reach out to meetings or sobriety recovery groups. Look for a sponsor if you do reach out to a meeting. I find this site to be super supportive – check in daily and practice daily gratitude - these practices have helped me stay on the sober path.
If you can - dump all the alcohol at home. Change up your daily / nightly rituals / routines so your mind finds different associations with your tasks. I have filled my drink fridge with loads of Liquid death, ginger beer and la croix so that i have something cold to turn to when i get thirsty.
Have a list of tasks available to keep yourself occupied and busy. I find that having time on our hands gives our addict mind room to shove in urges.
We are in this together - you are stronger than this addiction and can overcome the urges.
Hope to see you around
Welcome aboard. This is a supportive community which I have found very helpful in my journey and I hope you do too. It’s great that your wife is willing to do a dry October too. That way you can get alcohol out of the house for a month, and see where the journey takes you . I wish you well !
Congratulations on two days, that’s something to be really proud of! This is a fantastic community, well worth reading around and getting involved. I hope to see you around on here.
