P/MO has been an issue for me since I was a young teen, maybe even younger than that. I have had a few sober periods, some stretching into months, but otherwise have been addicted for more than half my life. I’m married, kids, home, car, job, church, etc.
Only a handful of people have any idea that I struggle. My wife knows but we do not discuss specifics. I made that choice to protect her heart. Two friends know a bit, but they’re almost acquaintances. That’s about it.
It wastes my time, my emotions, my love. It makes me irritable, impatient, sad. It contributes to anxiety and feelings of depression. It steals my integrity. It damages my relationship with God and makes it harder to hear from Him. I sometimes think He sees me as a lost cause, doomed to struggle and fail until the end. It makes the lies seem true and the Truth seem like a lie.
I am drawing a line in the sand. With His help, with your help, I must change.
2 days sober now. The cross before me, the sin behind me, no turning back.