Cravings are strong today. Spoke too soon I guess. Posting so I don’t crave alone. Thanks @KevinesKay
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37 days, tonight was the hardest night of my journey, came incredibly close to failing, thankfully i thought about having to start all over again and it was enough to make me stop
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29 days. Feels like the new normal now. Still get strong cravings and I really miss the endorphine rush. I don’t miss the lows though.
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Never crave alone. You can thank Chad (@Wunderbar) for that one. 
he’s the one that keeps drilling that to all of us.
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Getting real close to the 30 day mark. What a great gift. Congratulations!
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30 days! Exhausted, stressed out, feeling pretty lost, but 30 days! So thankful.
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Jesse,
Congratulations on the 30 days! That is so awesome!
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Excellent work on 30 days, Jesse! Keep stacking 'em, one at a time.
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Thanks for your encouragement guys. Rounding on 33 days. This is the longest that I can remember that I’ve gone without porn and/or masturbation. I still feel foggy and really tempted. Depression comes and goes and I have little motivation in some areas of my life.
Positive intimacy is much better. I always thought it was pretty good, but I guess I didn’t know what I was missing.
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36 days. I’m genuinely and pleasantly surprised that I made it this far. I’m so used to failing at this. I don’t really know what to do with success. You folks have been the difference. Thank you from the bottom of this grateful heart.
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Also, does anyone else feel like life is just peeling layers off an onion? I just keep finding new issues to deal with in my thinking and personality.
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Uh, yeah.
That’s probably most of us. 
Welcome to recovery, brother.
Congratulations on the 36 days.
Awesome !
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A quick check in for 40 days. Big confidence boost and a feeling of freedom since this journey began. I’m seriously contemplating a career change and I think I only have the mental space because of this sobriety.
Thank you for tracking with me and encouraging me. I appreciate you folks!
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Wow! That’s fantastic.
You deserve congratulations.
How are you feeling?
How are the cravings?
How are you doing it?
Thanks! Feeling better - no guilt to carry around. Cravings are much weaker now. Maybe it gets easier from here? Or maybe a wave is about to pummel me. It’s hard to say. Thanks for checking in brother.
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Day 45. Starting to exhibit unhealthy thoughts and behaviours. Kevin calls this outer circle behaviour I think.
Honestly it’s because I miss the dopamine. Nothing else really excites me right now. Life is otherwise boring and tiring and tedious. I love my wife and kids and church, but work is dull and I have no real friends or hobbies. Life feels like a slog and I miss the excitement of my addiction.
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A lot of that is your addict brain telling you that using is exciting. You feel a lot of FOMO. Addict brains grasp at straws to try to justify using. This isnt you. It’s the monkey on your back telling you what to do.
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You’re right, but I also don’t have day to day joy and I don’t know how long it’s been since I have. Looking back is like looking into a fog.
I’m sure I’ve done serious damage to myself with this addiction and I’m reaping what I’ve sown. But man does it suck to be down all the time and not excited about anything. Porn was the only thing that gave me that jolt and now it’s gone.
A while back I sunk into a low grade depression where I just wanted to get through the day so that I could go back to sleep. Going to bed was the best part of the day and waking up was the worst. Part of that was my porn use, but part of it was that my life is just not that interesting - its like I’m on a train and I missed my stop a few years ago and just never got off.
From the outside everything looks perfect. And from the inside a lot of it is. But I can’t shake these low feelings and a general lack of joy and excitement.
Sorry I’m rambling. I’m half venting half journalling.
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The outer circle consists of healthy behaviors that I should be incorporating in my life. These include self care, developing hobbies, and building friendships.
This is the most important circle in my recovery, yet also the most challenging.
Jesse,
You were referring to the middle circle. These consist of behaviors that I don’t consider loss of sobriety but I still want to avoid.
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I get it. When I’m in active addiction, life seems purposeless and gray. Its difficult to find enjoyment from my family and I’m angry and frustrated all the time. I dont really have that anymore, even though I’m only 30 days sober today, but I’ve worked on sobriety enough over the past couple years that I’ve had so much more sober time than other other way around.
It takes time to rebalance your system. Hormones are out of control. It’s like you’ve had a love affair with someone and your mind is still in love with them, though you’re trying to divorce them. Theres a lot of psychological trauma trying to get over it and separate yourself from it.
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