I can’t say I ever thought I’d be able to make it this far. It hasn’t been easy, but here I am.
I had a good evening with my daughter. We talked and laughed and she opened up about some things that have been happening at school.
My depression isn’t subsiding and I’m not sure what to do about that. Last time it was a slow decline and a couple of months of being really low. The time before that I was not exactly suicidal, but certainly didn’t have much desire to live. I have been reading books on on overcoming depression and trying to engage in healthy practices, but I think this dopamine withdrawal is kicking my butt more than I expected.
If you’re the praying type, I would appreciate your prayers.
We thank you that you helped him this far and he’s able to celebrate 2 weeks of sobriety. What a great gift!
He wants to live better, to be a better father, to have integrity. Continue to strengthen him as he progresses on this journey.
Show him that despite his feelings, his wellbeing is still in a good place. His feelings are often wrong. Still, we pray that his spirits will be lifted and that he’ll feel encouraged.
16 days. I often catch my mind starting to rationalize inappropriate behaviours. I know the slope well. I’m thankful for this app which has become my alternative.
My feelings of depression were much more manageable today, likely because I was productive and had lots of interaction with people.
Hey @jnd, glad to hear you’re sticking to it. Maintaining sobriety does seem to really just be a series of challenges that are all unique from one another, yet have the same unwavering goal. I found those first two weeks especially difficult. It seems that I’ve hit a bit of a plateau currently, where the urges have largely subsided but I still feel a latent presence there of something malicious.
What’s interesting is that in other ways, my life has been rocky recently. Friends shifting, work changing, futures uncertain, yet I have this rock: my commitment to remain sober. I’ve actually found it grounds me. I’ve found strength in the fight now.
I also struggle with the lulls you describe. Perhaps you can begin shifting your thoughts of what this goal is to you. Not necessarily to take away something we all used to rely upon, but to uncover the happier life without it in mind, left behind you like some old memory you grew away from.
For me, I’ve tried to take the even only brief lulls of depression as a sign that my body is fighting. I think of it like the burn of a treated cut. You know it’s making you healthier, because it hurts. You’re body now has the space to grow again, accept instead of broken skin, it’s an empty space. You get to fill in that space with you. Your life and your passions.
Small successes lead to tremendous accomplishments, and you’ve already got 16 victories under your belt.
Let’s stick to this thing together.
It’s amazing how much you’ve learned and grown over this short time. you’re started to see the many benefits of sobriety beyond PIED that brought you here initially. I see big things for you man. Keep it up!
And @jnd,
Man! 16 days! that’s a great gift. you’re truly off to a great start. And you’re still reading. Up to 11 hours now.
18 days! So many triggers today. I would relate in greater detail, but I don’t know how helpful that would be. A few weeks ago this would have sent me into a downward spiral. Today it just made me a little grumpy. Progress I guess?
Tough day today. Feel like I’m circling the drain. Can’t get the experience from yesterday out of my head. Going to pray and read scripture for a few minutes now.
Whatever it takes to stay clean. Take a big step in the right direction. There’s SAA call-in meetings on the hour, usually. Clean, exercise, meditation, do a creative project. Build that toolbox and develop a program that keeps you sober.
If you feel like sharing, reach out and talk to someone. I’m here is you need me.
20 days. Hard day again. Got very close to surfing some nsfw content but divine intervention froze my computer. I’m starting to inch towards less and less appropriate behaviours. The last couple of days I’ve had less control over my eyes. Today I went on Instagram for the first time in a long time and though it was technically sfw content, it’s certainly not good for my heart, my dopamine training or my resistance.
I am actually doing great. I am dealing with several legal issues but I am grateful for so many things in my life. I try to check this app most days for encouragement. I have a good sobriety plan and I try to surrender to my higher power everyday. I also have great fellowship with other brothers and sisters in SAA. Hardship is a pathway to peace and I take one moment at a time. I hope you are doing well and truly appreciate your words of encouragement. We all need to share our experience strength and hope.
Have a strong day.
Norton
26 days. Easier now. It’s no longer an hour by hour battle. I still feel tempted every day, but saying no is more automatic and takes less internal dialogue.
The craving is far from gone. I wonder if it ever goes away?
Real intimacy is noticeably better now. That’s a nice surprise that I wasn’t expecting.
