Hello! I am posting here in hopes of maybe getting some outside input from others who are in recovery. I am a 26 year old female who has struggled with alcohol for honestly as long as I can remember. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for what (would have been) 5 years this month, but we broke up this month last year. We have been on and off this past year trying to navigate through our issues which always end up leading back to my alcohol abuse. I learned a little while after our breakup that he was in the works of preparing a proposal. He was working with his family on a ring and was planning the event. Long story short, after a year of back and forth, I am so ready to give up alcohol once and for all because I know it’s what’s best for myself and those who love me, and to finally save this relationship that’s depending on my sobriety. Every time I say “this is it” I am so certain that it is. I am confident in my decision and wholeheartedly believe in myself. But it seems that the slightest inconveniences in my life always end up in me drinking and not stopping until I am drunk and an emotional wreck or arguing with someone close to me. I guess I am posting because I would maybe like to try and gain some moral support from people who are experiencing anything slightly similar. Any friends I have currently also drink extremely heavily and are not the best influences and tend to make me feel guilty for wanting to give up alcohol. My boyfriend, at this point (and I don’t blame him) believes that I put alcohol before him. I want to prove to myself and everyone who loves me that I am strong willed enough to put down alcohol once and for all. It has gotten to the point where nothing good ever comes from it and although it feels like it is fulfilling a void in the moment, I always wake up feeling shameful and full of regret. As of right now, it is 1:10 am, technically Tuesday March 31. My last night drinking this time around was on Thursday night - March 26. So I am, once I wake up, going to be 5 days sober. Any words of encouragement or anything of that sort would be greatly appreciated and would help more than you know! I’m also open to any and all advice. Thanks in advance! Much love to you all. (I made my username with his last name as motivation to stay strong and remember what is most important to me in life 
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Hello Autumn and welcome 🙋
You are young and a whole life ahead of you. I was in the same boat as you fror the drinking part. Sober for 18 months now. What helped me is to be here often. I’m here almost every day since my day one. Please remember that the most important reason for you to quit is you.
If you focus on you and your sober life your hopefully fiancee to be will get the benefits too.
Prove yourself and everything around you you can do it. First 3 months can be hard, I found them hard. But you manage!
Come here if you need us, we’re here for you! 
Thanks so much! I actually had downloaded this app before in the past but didn’t realize there was a whole social aspect of it and I feel like now that there’s a community I can connect with I’ll definitely be here often! I appreciate your encouragement & congrats on the 18 months! The longest I’ve made in the past is a month and a half so I’m stoked to get past that 3 month period one day 
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Welcome and congratulations on 5 days sober. Poke around and read in the topics.
You will find a lot of people trying to get sober and encourage each other along the way.
Awesome, thanks so much 
Welcome Autumn. You are definitely not alone and as you look around here you will find many, many people in the same or similar situations.
Addiction is a sneaky motherf*cker - pardon my language! - and your “addict brain” is in there. But you can develop skills and tools to defuse her, disempower her, so that you can navigate your life sober.
Many people find groups helpful. Especially at this COVID time, online groups are becoming popular. Addiction is very much a condition of loneliness and disconnection. It’s about escaping our life - we’re running from life because it scares us or we feel unworthy or _____ (you will discover your own personal reason eventually). Groups connect us, and keep us accountable.
Addiction is not a moral failing. You’re not a bad person. You’ve got that sneaky addict brain in there and you need to work & develop the tools to manage her. And you can do it 
Keep checking in - looking forward to seeing you around 
Thank you Matt! I’m happy to be here and excited for what’s to come! 
I was in this situation at 22.
I was engaged, for 7 months, to someone i really loved, and had been with, at the time, for 5 years.
From the time i was 19 he was trying to reason with me about how to control my drinking but ultimately, i could not quit drinking because he wanted me to.
I quit a few times but i felt like i was always doing all the work just to make him happy.
Im not saying this is your situation but, the most important part of recovery, in my personal experience, is making sure you are doing it for you. Yes, we want others to see our growth but, learning the deep aspects of why you do the things you do, and really diving deep into all those forgotten wounds, or hidden emotions is all about you.
Nothing has to happen right now. Take your time. Recovery is not a destination, its a journey… its YOUR journey.
I hope everything comes together love
I struggled with alcohol before I met him and remember writing in my journal about needing to get help. When we met, I was newly 21 and he had recently turned 22. We drank a lot together in the beginning of our relationship because I was finally legal drinking age. I know that ultimately it is for myself because even in the moments he wasn’t a part of my life, I still found myself in sticky situations from alcohol abuse. It’s just now that recently we have reconnected and we are working on things, I have decided to quit drinking again but relapsed. It is absolutely for me, but I find myself attaching the two together because my drinking habit has affected him the most. It hurts because he has given my chance after chance. He’s really the only person in my life who sees how bad my addiction is. I have been able to manipulate friends and family in the past when I was craving and tricked them into believing that I was fine. Idk. It is for myself, but sometimes he feels like the light at the end of the tunnel so I attach my sobriety to him if that makes sense. 
I understand where toure coming from.
I first drank at 15 and started dating this person at 17. Then at 19 things got intense… or, i got intense rather. Haha!
Seeing a light at the end of the tunnel is such a great thing.
I tried getting sober on my own willpower before. And every time I wound up drunk and high. My willpower was actually the cause of my continued addiction. It wasn’t until I admitted I was powerless and asked another person for help that I was actually able to get some recovery together. I always thought that if I just fought the drink hard enough that I would be able to overcome it. And for 18 months I continued to bang my head against the wall. Then, I was told by others to stop fighting. Once I did the war was over. I don’t have to fight the drink any longer. Normally I would tell you to hit a meeting, because that’s what I did, but meetings are tough to find right now. However, there are online meetings available, let me know if you are interested and I will tag you in the thread.
Yes! I am definitely interested. Thank you!
I have never used Zoom before. Am I able to attend without being on camera?
I might join next time! I am new to Zoom and want to be able to see and hear what’s going on but right now don’t want my camera or audio on my end on. I am not familiar with settings and such right now
Yes you can participate with your camera off.
I turn mine off when I go to the bathroom lol
