I’m fairly new to this app and thought I would share abit about myself. I’ll try to keep it short lol. My story really begins as a child. Growing up I felt lost and unsure of myself. I suffered from depression as a teenager and later found out that I had Borderline Persoanlity Disorder. At age 15 started using drugs when I transferred schools downtown. I was sexually exploited at this time. This continued for some time. In one year I fell hard. Went to a youth treatment facility. But continued using afterwards. At age 18 I began working in the sex trade. Used hard drugs continuously until age 21 when I sought treatment again… this time I was introduced to NA, CA, and AA. Managed to get 3 years of clean time before heading back out. During my clean time I was unfortunately still working in the sex trade which damaged me even more mentally and emotionally bcuz I had nothing to “escape” with. Mid 20s I met a man who I began dating. He was extremely abusive to me. Phsyically, sexually, and emotionally. After 5 years of abuse, I ended up charging him for what he had done to me. He too was a drug user. I continued on my destructive path. I was completely hollow as a person, focused strictly on my appearance and materialistic possessions. It wasnt until about age 28 or so when I sought help to exit the sex trade after a bad rape. I was raped by 5 men and blacked out. It was an awful experience. I had experienced being drugged and held hostage and alot of sexual abuse being in the trade but this situation was the worse. I slowly began to exit the trade while working on my addiction as well. I found that they went hand in hand for me. I ended up moving provinces at the age of 30 to began a new life. I was no longer in the trade and had cut back alot on my addiction. Over the past 5 years I have relapsed on n off. Today is day 1 for me and I am done with everything. Deleted numbers today and am focusing on my relationship with my HP. I am going full force into this recovery thing. No more. You all help me so much! I dont have much contact with others in recovery so this is my go to place for that 
My go to right now is the gym, gym, and gym lol. And of course building my network of sober friends and developing a greater connection to my HP. Any advice anyone can give me is appreciated as I start my new journey once again
Congratulations on your new life.
It may not be easy but you can do it.
I need to be around like minded people.
People who don’t use. People who are trying to better themselves.
People who like the outdoors.
I found those people in AA and here on this app.
I wish you an amazing journey.
We are always here if you need to talk.
Thank you!! I need to build that support network like you did. I feel pretty alone at times but everyone on this app has definitly motivated me to a better person
Hi I’m happy that you have found your way here to this wonderful,supportive community. The only advice I have right now would be to keep coming back,to your meetings and to here,check in daily. People who fully integrate themselves in this community forming friendships with others and spending a good hour or so chatting and reading tend to do well I their recovery and many of us believe that to be no coincidence.
I’m sorry that you have been through the things that you have been put through,you have nothing to be ashamed about and you deserve a happy,drug and alcohol free life. Have you gotten yourself a sponsor and started working the steps yet? I’m still only halfway through the steps but it’s a very positive,freeing experience that helps to leave some of the horrors we have faced in the past. If you ever feel the need to please reach out,the good thing about having members from all around the world is that there is alllways somebody here to talk to. Feel free to pm me if there is anything that you think that i may be able to help with. We are here for eachother 
Hi and welcome 
I am touched by your story. I hear courage in it, and hope. You have been through a lot, and persevered, and you are still moving forward today.
The last chapters of your life were dark and filled with loss. But you are writing new chapters now, filled with light and progress. It will be a long road but it will be sober. And it will be yours.
Welcome to TS! You’re in the right place Looking forward to hearing more from you!
Wow! What a story and thank you for sharing. You never have to live that life again. We’re all here cheering you on. Pls keep coming back and interacting. This forum has been amazing for me and I’m sure you’ll have the same experience. 
Hi Butterflymoonwoman, welcome here and huge congrats on turning your life around so impressively, moving away from drugs, leaving the sex work, your whole environment and striving for change in such a massive way! Thank you also for sharing your dark story. It must have taken so much courage and strenght to come so far already and that should give you a lot of hope! I hope you can find more inspiration, companionship and knowledge in this forum, as many have before you. Write often! I wish you all the best on your journey, stay strong! 
Maybe it’s time to join that meetings again? Seems like they have worked for you!
Welcome here…sorry to bust in like this
Impressive story, sorry you have to go trough all this. But also many to win if you choose sobriaty!
You sound focussed and determinated so go get it!! 
Thank you for being so honest and sharing this.
I sincerely wish you all the selflove in the world.
Cuddles
You’re still plugging away. I’m glad. Congratulations on staying sober. It’s not been easy for you. And you managed to get through those moments of unclarity even when the addict inside just wants to get a fix. You’re doing great.
I’m hoping that you might be able to share some insight if you don’t mind.
I am what’s known as a Buyer of the sex trade. Although, it’s been over 15 years since I’ve paid for a prostitute, I’ve still used porn over the years. And the temptation to revert back into my more destructive acting out behaviors comes to my mind on many days. I’m guilty of viewing sex workers as willing participants that love doing what they do.
If you don’t mind, I would like to know what thoughts, rants, or words of wisdom you would like to say to someone like me. You don’t have to if you are not comfortable. But I thought it be helpful for me to get a little dose of reality. Thank you.
Welcome! Glad you are here. YOU have the power to be free! Deleting numbers is a great first step. Therapy helps a lot too. I hope you find like I have that sobriety is a beautiful journey we are so lucky to be on!! Its not always easy, but it is always worth it. Thanks for sharing and we are all here for you.
I would be honoured to share abit of what it was like from my side of things being a sex trade worker. Thank you for asking. Often times it felt like I had no voice so its a honor that you ask to hear my opinion on it. I exited the trade about 5 years ago but it feels like yesterday some days lol i actually spoke at John school in front of about 10 men about my experiences in the sex trade. I will gather my thoughts and get back to you. That way I’m not writing a novel lol
Thank you so much for your support I’m so glad to be apart of this forum!
I heard about John school. I wish I could go. I’m glad that you had the oppotunity to play such a vital role there.
And when you’re ready to share, there are about 2 dozen of us members here on TS that are struggling with PMO. We would get so much out of it.
Thank you.
Where or how do I share this? Do I make a seperate post in the forum? Or just reply on this post here? What do you think would be best?
@Butterflymoonwoman I am also one of those men in recovery, for whom pornography and its ties to trading women’s bodies has been part of my journey. I can’t speak for the others here but I can say that if you believe sharing your voice here in this thread will play a meaningful role in your recovery, I will welcome it. Thank you
Thank you Matt! It would definitly help in my recovery and if it can also help others, I’m on board to write alittle bit of my side of things. Thank you for allowing me to have my voice heard
A separate thread would stand the most chance of getting noticed because it would appear as a new thread to everyone on the forum.
That’s a good point. And - if I’m right in how I think search on this platform works - I believe that will make it more searchable by topic (the thread could have a title specifying what she’s sharing).