Checking in, its day 3. Instead of saying each day I am an alcoholic, I say I have BPD this time which reminds me why I use alcohol and the root of the pain that I have. I am diagnosed with BPD almost 9 months ago may be more. After the last mental breakdown I found the courage to return the theraphy 3 days ago. I feel empty, disconnected. I am taking a med to keep the anxiety under control, and finally some tears while writing this. It is too much, I am not willing to drink but I want this pain to go away and healed some day. Few friends supporting thanks to god. I have 2 visitors today accompanying me
It is hard to explain to people why I am like this, why I couldnt built healthy relationships, a job and no plan and hope for the future. And why I am doing what I do. I have only one plan, get theraphy and heal. For now I try to not care for the rest, just put myself my health at the top of the list. This is mourning for the years that I spent with this illness, this is the acceptance of the BPD again and again
Hello @BroccoliHighKicks ,
Thanks for the support. I just used what I have at home for med (atarax) I will arrange a doctor appointment, I couldnt connect to doctor which I visited last time 6 months ago. I will look for a new one that I believe he has enough skills about the BPD.
This week I will take the 2nd theraphy tomorrow and get the theraphy organized weekly and look for the right medications which suits best to me. I am a little bit worried that there I have to spend a lot of time to find right med after I google the stories about it.
I am reading books of Masterson currently whom is one of the diagnosis and treatment theorist of BPD. I also read alot Dialactic Behavioural Theraphy of Marsha Linehan(she also diagnosed with BPD) , she has also developed some usefull skill trainings for BPD. To be short I use bibliotheraphy. I believe my therapist also enough skills to manage BPD, she has schema theraphy , gestalt, emdr training in her background.
I believe I can manage and do the day 4. But when I am triggered again, I dont trust for not running after alcohol/weed or manage my anger. I am looking for the days which I trust my way and feel alive again.
Thanks again for your message, it brings compassion and gets me feeled I am cared.
Sending you lots of love from Istanbul in tears.
BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder in my case. It is mostly caused by the relationship with mother and child during the 15-24th month, also genetics playing a role. I tried several breath techniques but not Wim Hof. May be because I hate cold I will try. Thanks Hazy for being thereâ:balloon:
I have been using meditopia for a while, I will also check the Insider as well. Thanks for sharing the medications that youâve tried I will do a search if I can find them here. There is an app for DBT skills, have a check. To me even though I know the skills I couldnt start using them. So better to find a therapist to work with. I am sorry to hear that you have to wait that long to get DBT.
Wim Hof is a master of the vagus nerve stimulation with breath and cold techs. I have to focus on vagus nerve stimulation indeed and get it as a habit.
And you too please reach out when you need supportâ:heart:
Can you get Headway?. Itâs like loads of books but like it takes 10mins to listen to one bookâŚIâve heard loads!.. Loads of self helpful books and loads of other stuffâŚ(I think I paid for a year but it was like under 25 uk pounds for hundreds of booksâŚ
Thanks Hazy for sharing, I can say I am a bibliomaniac, I have too many unread books at home. Better I finish them first. I am reading âthe Real Selfâ from James F. Masterson now. Tough one to read and understand.
Notes to myself to follow up alll below new habits which I have been working for a while and adapting to my life. I will update the todos tomorrow.
Cook gluten free -Done
Intermittent fasting-Done
Meditation -Done
Walking -Done
Journal -Done
Take medications on time -Done
Socialize even virtually -Done
Get help when necessary -Done
Await and not respond when anger triggered-Done
Self emdr training- Done
Read-Done
Sleep on time-Done
ââââ------â
To do list for the rest of the day;
Breath work
Shower
10 min yin yoga
Got the badge for day3, and on my way for day 4. I had a theraphy session 1h ago, feeling stuck in life for almost everything and feeled that she does not understand, and will not show me the way to get outside of this hell that is running in my head. On the other hand I come out from the session with the question âWhat do I need and which of my needs are not met?â
Todays motivational message of the app warming my heart, good to remind myself that I can only trust myself to change my life. So telling myself keep going, you will get stronger and find what you need. Here is what I need;
Enough courage and strength to build the life that I want, stand for my needs and get them fulfilled, and get out of the corporate life.
I am also diagnosed with EUPD/BPD, I can understand the challenges it comes with. I am currently on 8 different medications for my mental health but Iâm still here, still fighting.
. Lots of 
I will try. Thanks Hazy for being thereâ:balloon:
but Iâm still here, still fighting. 
