My life & questioning sobriety

This is incredible. I wish I could find an event like that. I’m in the Midwest and they look at you like you’re nuts if you ask for a pop even if you explain it by saying “I’m the DD” usually it doesn’t bother me but I’ve not gone to a few pop ups where I live cause your entry fee is the same wether you are having the fancy cocktails or not. Didn’t seem worth the $. But if they would have had mocktail options I’d have definitely gone with my friends.

That’s true! It is hard to find places where NA options are normal. I used to live to go to breweries, but they hardly ever have NA choices. It’s a bummer, but I’m starting to see more options around. And having my NA go-to’s to order has gotten easier.
But i wish it was more places! I was certainly stoked to see in the FAQ they would have NA options :star_struck:

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2- years. There’s no bad time to make a change.

Thinking back to this day 2 years ago… I re-read my first “public” post on Nov 28th. I sound so scared, helpless and overrun. I was tired of being sick and tired, I was tired of the drama that never stopped, I was so over feeling out of control. I was on anxiety and depression meds and had gotten to my last straw by seeing a counselor again. I was not sure that being sober was even possible, I had tried so many times over so many years to get it under control with moderating- but it always won again.

“I’m on day #5 for the umpteenth time. I got in a big fight with my husband the other day because i lied to him about how much a drank, and i hate myself for being like that - arguing trying to explain to him its OK that i drink to have fun & he should be less judgemental. I know it takes at least 10 days for alcohol to fully clear your system. I’ve read a lot about how bad it is for you, my dad was an alcoholic & essentially died from fatty liver. I’ve made it 30-40 days before, and felt great, thought i was able to control it & always eventually go back down that Slope again. Maybe i need to try to be clean forever so i don’t go downhill and can be who i vision.”

I don’t even know how I managed to get through the holiday season, deciding to stop drinking 2 days before Thanksgiving seemed like a really dumb idea, but I knew I didn’t want to get in a stupid blow-out fight again. I didn’t think my marriage would handle many more. I wasn’t even sure this sober thing needed to happen, but I knew something needed to change. My drinking demon could not stay in control of my life- and he was. It felt like a compulsion I couldn’t stop- my mind would say no- but my arms would still grab that bottle. It was surreal and such a struggle.

I had read several books over the years, listened to several podcasts most days commuting to work, tried journaling. You know- all the things, so I had ideas for tools to avoiding the drink. I kept my own sober drinks with me and went to some holiday events, avoided others completely. Or left relatively quickly after the main event, dinner or whatever it was. It felt rather white knuckle! But I got through it. I did everything I could to just not drink “right now”.

I downloaded some sober trackers that tracked money saved and the health improvements you body goes through- the first 6 months are the most! (After that it slows a little- my next milestone is in 3 more years- haha.)

Honestly, I’m still not sure that I need to be sober “forever”. That seems so infinite. I do know that I don’t feel the need to drink right now. Or for every event, good, bad, celebratory, stressful, dinner, after work, to deal with irritating people or a health scare. I do know that I feel healthier, less exhausted, I sleep better, I eat better, I’m not having a hard time staying the same weight. I don’t feel as irritated, or overwhelmed when I get curve-balls, it is easier to wake up and work every day. I’m not crying as much or plagued with bad memories as often. I like having dessert when we go out and sober mock-tails actually taste better then the boozy ones. I’m not scared of feeling like the odd-ball not drinking. I’ve noticed lots of people don’t drink as much as I thought they were. Maybe I thought everyone was hammered all the time because I was.

So basically- my life feels better. Do I sometimes wish I could moderate and “be normal”? Maybe, but not really anymore. Since when did poisoning yourself become “normal”? That seems so dumb thinking on it. My husband doesn’t drink that often- or really that much (and even less now since I’ve stopped). But I do notice a difference in him- he snores that night and he wakes up later and slower. He’s never really hungover (he’s lucky)- but even just one or two drinks make a difference. And seeing that- makes me want it even less.

The best time to make a change is right now. When ever your “right now” is.

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The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
Chinese proverbs traditional

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I’m so grateful for your presence here, Beachy. Have a great Thanksgiving!

Thank you @LeeHawk ! You too!

Awesome post! Congratulations @Beachy!
:partying_face: :tada:

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Thank you @Lisa07!

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