@SassyRocks - thank you - sounds very familiar! I think my issues do actually get worse when i drink more. But for some reason we still do it to ourselves 
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@Jdiaz - i hope you are right! It seems to take a lot of bumps in the road to realize it though. I’ll just keep working 1 day at a time 
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@anon74766472 yes! I’ve done that mirror morning hating myself - again & again wondering why i did it AGAIN! Uggggh so dumb & exhausting. I have always been a “go big or go home” mantra person. But i can’t let that creep into alcohol, but i guess along the way it did. I’m working on accepting i can’t & have to be better.
One day at a time is sounding like a better approach instead of thinking about forever. That is a scary word, no matter what sentence it is in.
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Yeah, never ever again is sooo long. Still gives me the creeps no matter what I am thinking of. Forever is also difficult. Hell, what do I know about tomorrow. When I was like 10 years I thought I’d be married and having kids in my mid twentys. Haha, now I am 39, not sad about having no kids.
Not that I don’t like kids but not for me in this life.
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I can totally relate to this. I’ve tried the moderation and eventually I just always get back to the point of drinking til I pass out. You will figure out what works for you & what you truly want. Unfortunately for me as much as I wish I could drink a couple and stop like a lot of people, I know that I can’t. I just take it one day at a time, & still learning that I need to avoid certain situations for awhile because of the pressure to drink. I slipped Thanksgiving after saying no like 3 times. I’m still mad at myself, but at least I learned to just avoid certain situations until I’m confident I won’t give in.
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@anon74766472 i hear that! Didn’t think I’d make it to 30! 
Never had my own kids either. It’s all good! I have a kick ass step son though 
we don’t live near him anymore - so that’s hard, but seeing him for the holidays soon!
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@anon51903143 - I’m sorry you slipped. I’ve had to avoid some events because of that fear. It’s all good until we get solid back up safety plans. If I’m out mine is cranberry soda & lime. Good news is your here and reflecting on it!
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I often talk with “normie” friends of mine about drinking… They don’t have this type of inner conversation. They have a drink, they don’t think about it. They drink too much, they feel bad, and still they don’t think about it. They also aren’t prone to lying about their intake. If you are trying to decide whether or not you should quit forever: you should.
I tried to quit the first time over half of my lifetime ago - 30 years. Guess what - I still have those conversations with myself, often looking for a reason I can still drink and be OK.
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@EarnIt - well that’s an interesting perspective on it. 
I think I’ve always thought about it because of my family growing up and eventually being scared I’m the same. I get your point though - they don’t have issues with it!
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18 days down. Guess i might use this as a journal thread. I tried writing in an actual journal, but i seem to be in here more then a real book right now. So i will keep track as I’ve seen a few others do in here.
Shooting for the December to remember month as an initial goal. My husband isn’t doing it with me like he suggested, in all fairness i didn’t specifically ask him to. This is probably the worst month to re-start with considering the holidays and all. I usually try to drown my self on xmas eve - the day my dad died suddenly many years ago now. Not sure why it still bothers me so much. And my friends like gingerbread house making with booze & his family lives mimosas on xmas… Etc etc…
Overall feeling good i guess. Started walking up at 3am again- Minus the alcohol sweats & racing heartbeat thankfully. Got a horrible neck pain past couple days too, so i haven’t reached my workout goal this week, but i did plan meals for next week (small victory).
Not sure why i was so tired yesterday. Braved the neighbor kids birthday party with my own grapefruit juice & sparkly water. Left right after cake, before my tumbler was empty & before all my friends got too tipsy - that’s normal on a Friday, Sat & Sunday around here.
Who knows what today will bring - but I’m not drinking. Just reminding myself - It’s not worth the migraines, hives, or throwing up & trying to “be normal”. So i might leave my friends earlier in the night then before, they’ll get over it 
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My career choice is golf, and is just like boating it sounds when it comes to drinking. It is really realy hard not to go into the bar after a round with the boys, but I know in the long run my health, physical and mental will continue to get better. I hope everything is going okay, and hope you can find something to hold onto that makes you not want to indulge in the substances.
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Hi alexnm!
Yes it (boating) seems to go hand in hand with drinking… I’ve never really golfed, but had friends that do - and they always went with a lot of beer! So i can imagine. It’s hard being the non drinker in that environment, but guess i have to learn
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This might be off base but do you meditate? If so, look up the meanings and opportunities with waking around 3 am.
Agreed on no more morning throw ups!!! the sleep does get better same thing happened my first month. Now I sleep like a baby and actually feel rested. I hope the weekend is stress free for you.
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I looked it up, and that seems interesting @Squirt. I’ve never been successful at yoga or meditation. I tend to be to restless. But maybe I’ll give it a shot (if i remember that early in the morning)! Seems like several different possibilities according to the “trusty” internet 
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Well my tracker says 23 days this morning. I actually didn’t feel like a zombie waking up. Husband woke me up earlier then my alarm due to some snoring -(which i would normally be really grumpy about) - but i still feel kinda energetic this morning. Yesterday i was in a funk, i think it’s the pending job transition, and not knowing what i want to do with my life.
I’m really feeling how long the day is, so many minutes in it when I’m not trying to supposedly “party” (most times by myself 
) & fill the time with that numb feeling.
Starting to feel better physically & my memory feels better, some of my wit & patience are coming back. Just need to do some soul searching.
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Told my husband i wanted to try a hundred days, and who knows maybe 100 after that to see how i feel. and he didn’t balk! Seemed supportive.
Although this after he suggested i could have a beer tonight if we meet friends… I said i didn’t want to, and mentioned above. A week or so ago he was wondering how long i “was shooting for” with not drinking, hence the convo.
I’m not promising anything, one day at a time because anything more then month is scary, but interesting to me i thought that.
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Woke up thinking it was 3am, nope - 530, guess I’ll get up! Some coffee, some grocery shopping, returned some more packages from my online black Friday escapades (ops-haha), finally made my Xmas cards and got them in the mail - noticed the one without a stamp and fixed it (ongoing problem every year - haha), now making sweet/spicy nuts & snickerdoodles for my neighbors & co-workers. And it’s only 1230! Man i feel good
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You are doing great!! So glad you are having the important talks with your husband and yes, it may take a lot of reminders on your part that ‘just one’ isn’t going to happen. I know it took my husband some time before it all clicked for him that me ‘not drinking’ meant ZERO, not 1 or 2, not just for today, not a celebratory toast…zero. 
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Right!
Will i think he’s getting on board. Meet his parents for lunch & step mom had a bloody Mary - i asked if it was spicy & said i wanted one, he was like “no you can’t!”
I said they can make them Virgin!
Love spicy with all the fixins!
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