I think sober counters are great. Having a real time line of the number of days sober is awesome. However i don’t believe that one slip up (deprnding on the severity of the slip up ) should reset the counter to zero. The reason i say this is because I know that if I have a long time under my belt and slip up, having to reset that counter to zero would send me on a bender. That’s just my opinion.
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Yea theres another girl on here somewhere that posted about this as well. I understand.
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There’s a quit smoking app that allows you to enter the odd cigarette and when it gets to a certain number (you set it), the timer resets. I like that idea.
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So are you advocating that if I shoot a little bit of heroin it’s ok? I know this has been debated, and everyone is free to do whatever they would like, but the reality is if you “slip up” then your days start back at 0, whether you want to admit it or not. Recovery is more than putting the drink down, its a change in your way of life. If you feel the obsession and compulsion to even drink one beer, snort one line, etc, then something you are doing wasn’t working because you returned to your old behavior.
It wouldn’t be resetting the counter that sends you into a bender. It would be that you had one beer and then obsession and compulsion to use returned because you weren’t treating your disease. The counter is merely an excuse.
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That’s the great thing about sobriety, there are no hard set rules, and so if that is what it takes for you to achieve long term sobriety, then more power to you, as long as you are honest with yourself.
For me, I don’t know how to differentiate a slip from a relapse, so I’d reset with one sip.
Resetting would suck, but the way I look at it is that my goal is to be sober 100% of everyday. Which, if successful, I’ll be sober 100% of the week, month and year. So if I slipped, I would reset so that I could keep track of how many days I didn’t go 100%. In 2018 I was sober for 43% of the year, I’m aiming for 100% this year.
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I hear you and you have a good point. My counter point is that if you can keep it to one beer or one line, then has the compulsion really returned? I know most addicts can’t.
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I understand how all of you feel. Resetting it, not wanting to reset it. I reset mine. Like @Dejavu i want to be 100% sober from alcohol and other demons.
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Honestly, with the history most people have here, no one wants to even try to find out. That’s a very dangerous game your playing.
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Yes. If you are practicing abstinence, then pick up a drink, even just one, the compulsion to drink has returned. Otherwise you wouldn’t be picking up that beer. The other theory is that if someone can do that successfully, then they probably aren’t alcoholic. Which is awesome for them. Lord knows I tried to moderate in all forms and fashions. It just never worked.
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I haven’t done it, and I agree with you.
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All our paths are different. If I didnt reset mine if I had a drink, I would probably keep “having one”. Sober equals zero to me.
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I’ve actually thought a lot about this. When I relapsed, it was just a 1 day occurrence. Although I did start my “count” back to zero at that time, I have sought to find ways to include my previous clean time prominently in my sobriety narrative.
I have 41 days. I had 2 years and 2 months prior to that. The common thread through my entire life since October 11, 2016 has been the absence of drugs in my life. December 11, 2018 was the exception that proves the rule.
I do get the point you are making here, and it is an important perspective to keep when considering what “the clock” really means.
We are not simply the sum of our days.
I also understand why some worry that this line of thought can become an excuse for “just one drink” or “just one” anything. As addicts, we have learned that rarely is it possible to have “just one” and guarding against that can be reflexive.
I’m glad this discussion is something we can have. It is worthwhile to spend a moment considering other viewpoints even when maintaining our own values and beliefs.
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I was at 211 days back in December and “slipped”. Tried to justify that because it wasnt a porn bender it didnt count. Then I went on a real bender and had to admit that even a slip is an allowance for the addictive cycle to continue.
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I totally get that…but good counters will allow you to trend over time too. Sober Time does that. It keeps track of all your runs (you can see it graphically and as a list) and you can see “am I improving” or “am I starting to slip back to my addicted ways”. Then you can make adjustments to your plans.
But ultimately you do want a track of how long you have maintained continued sobriety. You just can’t say you have 1 year of sobriety if you’ve had drinks a few times over the year. At least for me, it would mean celebrating a lie. And lies is part of what got me to this place.
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To me, it just sets the standard to “Well, it’s cool if I have a few I can just reset tomorrow.”, which inevitably will lead straight back to complete self-destruct mode…and reset after reset after reset. That’s not continued sobriety. My sobriety isn’t just based on a number, but that number is a reminder of where I am and where I came from.
On October 20th, 2018, my day 140, I had 3 beers. I reset to 0. The few times I had one drink after that, I reset to 0. It’s reset, not pause. I see no grey area on that.
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My goal is sobriety. One drink is more than zero, so my counter would restart. I’ve done the experiment and seen where one drink eventually leads me.
That said, I also understand the reset doesn’t mean giving back the days sober I had before. Those still mean something. A time I’d been doing something right, at least for a while.
A reset is a point to ask what I need to do better. The fresh counter a hard-earned reminder to get that right next time, one day at a time.
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My opinion: be honest with yourself. If you indulge in that from which you are trying to abstain, own it. Reset, recommit, readjust, and redouble your efforts.
Anything less is ones addiction attempting to reassert itself, and by not acknowledging this, you tolerate it. As long as one will tolerate it, one can never be completely free.
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I tend to agree. I am using several apps to reduce and monitor my drinking. My goal is not to stop completely. The dry january app i use shows me a monthly calendar. I can click on a day and see what i drank. It tells me my days dry but also shows the big picture.
For me, having 2 glasses of wine with my wife was not a disaster but the day i had 7 drinks was.
The reset I had to do back in June really sucked, but you know what? Not wanting to go through starting over again, resetting, and all that suckiness is a big motivator for me.
If I allow just one to be OK, then the counter loses it’s value and meaning, and is no longer motivating to me.
When it comes to addiction, it is impossible to draw that line like “OK one drink doesn’t count, if I have two, I need to reset”. That quickly can turn into “anything under 3 doesn’t count”, “I can have a 6-pack or less” etc etc.
It’s the same silly rules that many of us make for ourselves when trying to kid ourselves into moderation. Addiction LOVES wiggle room.
It’s your counter though. Up to you. That’s just my 2 cents. All the best 
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All I can say is that if you give this alcoholic an inch, I will take a mile, your wallet, your booze, and your girlfriend.
For instance, if i drink every few weeks was I ever sober (which to me means more than abstaining) or did i just abstain for a period of time? What about one of my dogs dies? What about if I have to see Mama off on a train to prison where she will likely die? Someone hits my truck in the rain totalling it and I lose my job b/c I was late to work b/c of that? Do I get to drink then? I mean who could make it through any or all of that without getting drunk? AMIRITE? I can rationalize anything to support the NEED for a drink.
A reset doesn’t wipe out all that I have have learned to that point (which if I am drinking means I really haven’t learned as much as i needed). For me – and I have said elsewhere on here:
The finish line is a pine box. We are all gonna hit it one day. The question is when do I want to hit the finish line? Every reset brings about another opportunity that I may never come back from. So for me to say days don’t matter, that resets don’t matter, ignores the crap shoot that it actually is and minimizes the power of the disease.
My disease wants me to believe that there is always a tomorrow b/c if there is always a tomorrow, what I do today doesn’t matter, so I might as well drink today.
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