I find myself in a difficult situation with my wife of 18 years, now that I am sober.
The longer it (my sobriety) goes on, the more we seem to be growing apart.
I am very seriously considering choking down a drink and just going back to how we were before.
We were fine before. I was always quite a happy drunk. Of course, things occasionally went south, but generally we got on extremely well with or without booze. It wasn’t that things were becoming intolerable or that she was eager for me to stop drinking. I just knew that it was having a hugely detrimental effect on my health, and I knew how I felt about it from the inside.
Nowadays though, and I should say here that I am only five months sober, I don’t just let things slide because I can’t be bothered to think about them or confront them because I’m either drunk or feeling fuzzy from a hangover.
Now I can’t switch my brain off.
Now, if my wife is being selfish, I call her out about it - which doesn’t go down too well. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t become antagonistic or confrontational. I’m calm and measured about it all, and I certainly don’t pick up on every little thing - just a bit more than I used to. I also wouldn’t want you to think that I am married to a selfish witch and that I’ve just woken up and realised that she is awful - that just isn’t true. Like all human beings, she can occasionally be selfish - I just find it hard to ignore now.
My self esteem has also improved over the last 5 months, which means that I’m a bit less tolerant of liberties being taken.
She is a ‘normal’ drinker, but she definitely misses our drinking together. I actually think that she is further down the path to being a problem drinker than she cares to admit, but she is at a very different level to where I am, and I think she feels bitter about the fact that she is being deprived because I can’t moderate. She doesn’t understand why I can’t.
I’m not looking for suggestions that I walk out and ‘just do this for me’, or anything like that. I don’t want to end our relationship for many reasons. The main one being that I love my wife very much. We also have 4 beautiful kids and a wonderful family life. Ending the relationship is not an option.
At the moment though, going back feels preferable to going forward.
Have any of you found yourselves in a similar position? Everything I read talks about how wonderful it is that drinking is no longer souring a marriage, but I am finding that the opposite is true. It was (seemingly) helping things to run a bit more smoothly in our case.