This time IS going to stick.
So I was on this app in January determined to stay sober and not look back. But life happened, naturally, and I wasn’t strong enough to not let that affect me. My father, who was a 30 year alcoholic with a multitude of health issues, was put on a ventilator without a great outlook. His drinking had finally caught up to him and there was no going back. I got this phone call into my first ever three day streak and was pretty devastated.
So, I took the first flight there. Started arrangements. Put him into hospice. Look in his eyes and asked if he wanted to be taken off that ventilator and he barely nodded. I knew that was it. So the family told the doctors to do it. I watched the man who abused his family throughout my life because of his alcohol addiction die, crying weakly and begging it to stop.
Unfortunately that did not light the fire in my ass like I wanted to. I got home, strange mixed depressed feelings. And naturally- vodka was the thing I went to. Then quarantine happened. This whirlwind of shit all at once and I let it get to me.
Until now. I had been drinking so much that I ended up in the hospital puking blood- alcoholic gastritis. When I got home, I was incredibly ashamed. I took up an ER bed because I couldn’t stop drinking. I drank myself so sick I ended up in the hospital. Like my father did.
That’s when I said enough was enough. I’m not going to get into that cycle like he did. I’ve got a loving boyfriend, a great home, almost done with my degree- I’m not going to let anything ruin that. And most importantly- I wasn’t going to let ME ruin ME.
So, I’m close to Day 2, my doctor let me detox at home, with my boyfriend since we are both quarantined. I feel terrible, haven’t eaten in almost a week because of the gastritis. Then of course the other withdrawal- mainly just haven’t slept in two days.
I really hope I do it this time. I need to. Thanks for reading my sob story, any encouragement or advice is definitely welcome. I could definitely use any support I can get right now.
So what’s your plan for when life happens this time. An alcoholic can justify drinking with any minor inconvenience that occurs. They key to my sobriety is having the tools to deal with life on life’s terms.
Once you can safely get some gentle food down, sleep, as well as get past the first days of withdrawal and finish whatever detox med plan you may be on, your brain is physically going to be in a much less frantic state and this probably won’t seem so awful and dire as it does now. Take care of your body right now, your physical needs. Get whatever sleep and rest and nutrition your body will accept. If you’re too emotionally or mentally worked up, stuff like Netflix or just lying on the couch watching your boyfriend play a video game can help distract and pass the time. The physical will ease and it’ll shift to a mental battle.
I have a few notes I’ve written during withdrawal or active addiction about how terrible my situation felt at the time. That could be a useful thing to do now when you’re in the thick of it. It can help just getting it out, but also if you save it and read it later on, it can be really eye opening as a reminder to what alcohol has to offer you. It’ll be a perspective that won’t bullshit you like the alcohol voice in your head saying reach for a drink, and that’s useful.
You might find your days fluctuating a lot. Reading this forum and checking in often won’t hurt. Neither will observing in some online meetings (you can totally join in, but in this kinda state I’m anticipating you might prefer just listening, both are cool).
Drugs and alcohol took a lot from me, but loss was never enough to keep me sober. I lost everything a few times and each time the pain would fade and I’d be right back at it. It wasn’t until I became proactive in my recovery that I was actually able to achieve any type of stable sobriety.
Yeah, I for sure know I’ll have to continue to find ways to do this. But I guess this situation was just the kick in the ass to get me jumpstarted. I’ll continue to try to find ways
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and your struggles with this addiction. I too had an alcoholic father that died and I ended up SHOCKED that I drank until where my body started shutting down too, especially after how much I hated my fathers drunken behavior. I didn’t think it would EVER happen to me as I was “responsible” with my drinking. Bullshit. I was also teetering on the brink of losing absolutely everything, including my life if I kept going. It strengthened my resolve to stop drinking for a bit. But, just dropping the drink wasn’t enough for me. I knew that there was not one single good reason to drink but there were a gazillion reasons to not pick up that first drink. I focused on today and doing whatever it took to end my day sober. But I still struggled when things got hard and ended up pretty isolated as most everyone I hung out with drinks. I made some better decisions than drunk me did but still not always truly good decisions. I didn’t know what a healthy life actually looked like. I needed to actually learn how to live life differently to take steps toward making a different life happen. Two years later, I now have a sponsor and I work a program for TRULY different results. It is changing my entire life!! What I thought I could do on my own was really alcoholic me thinking, I’ve got this on my own, I don’t need anyone’s help. More bullshit. My best thinking lead me to alcoholism, instead it was time to open up to new ideas and to try things someone else’s way.
I’ll be thinking of you and sending good juju your way! But really, please keep reaching out, the people in here helped save my life in the beginning of my journey. And remember, you never have to feel like this again! You’ve just gotta figure out how you’re going to truly do things differently.
You got this, one day at a time. You know when I first started I never thought that I would get passed the first week well i did now on 95 day and couldn’t be happier. Its not easy but that is what makes it even better when you get there to feel like your normal self again. Saty strong and sober.
Thank you for telling your story! We are a community and we’re here for you. My mom always tell me that we have to kill a lion per day. Don’t worry about tomorrow’s lion, fight one day at a time.
The first week is horrid, my Dr said up to 14 days but let the body have a proper cycle.
Look for your triggers, pen to paper, jot them down can be anything, these are your trilogies, then create an action plan to suit each one. Keep in mind you will gain new triggers you just have to adapt.
I’ve started drinking mineral water with lemon (former wine lover) and it seems to help curb the cravings. Welcome back to the community
Thank you for asking, I ended up in the hospital. My hunches were correct- I had gone too far and needed to quit. Ended up with pancreatitis. Obviously still sober but 100% plan on keeping it that way. I’ll never go through this again.
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m sorry about your dad. Alcoholism is no joke. I’ve seen too many family members lose their life over it. My 37 year old cousin, my 44 year old cousin, my uncles, my grandfather, it goes on and on! I’m on day 14 and it feels pretty amazing. I’m not perfect by no means and I’ve tried to stay sober countless times but for some reason it feels different this time. I really want sobriety in my life and I will do whatever it takes. By coming here and sharing my story or reading other stories has helped me so much. Please stay strong and choose to stay sober no matter what. You can do this, I believe in you!!
I too had an alcoholic father that died and I ended up SHOCKED that I drank until where my body started shutting down too, especially after how much I hated my fathers drunken behavior. I didn’t think it would EVER happen to me as I was “responsible” with my drinking. Bullshit. I was also teetering on the brink of losing absolutely everything, including my life if I kept going. It strengthened my resolve to stop drinking for a bit. But, just dropping the drink wasn’t enough for me. I knew that there was not one single good reason to drink but there were a gazillion reasons to not pick up that first drink. I focused on today and doing whatever it took to end my day sober. But I still struggled when things got hard and ended up pretty isolated as most everyone I hung out with drinks. I made some better decisions than drunk me did but still not always truly good decisions. I didn’t know what a healthy life actually looked like. I needed to actually learn how to live life differently to take steps toward making a different life happen. Two years later, I now have a sponsor and I work a program for TRULY different results. It is changing my entire life!! What I thought I could do on my own was really alcoholic me thinking, I’ve got this on my own, I don’t need anyone’s help. More bullshit. My best thinking lead me to alcoholism, instead it was time to open up to new ideas and to try things someone else’s way. 
