I just had a call with my sponsor. I told him I was going to attend the TS meeting tonight. He told me it was a bad idea and that I should stay off internet. So I told him TS helped me more than I can possibly imagine. He told me that clearly it wasn’t working because I relapsed on Netflix.
He does not know TS at all. He hasn’t spent a second on here so he can’t possibly know if it helps me. I know it’s tricky with me being addicted to just about anything on a screen, but this place is different. And he can’t possibly know if this place helps for me after a relapse. I did not contact you guys, how the fuck could the forum be blamed then?!?!
Anyways, I’m going to stay on TS and not listen to my sponsor. He has helped me tremendously. He has taught me an incredible amount, but in my opinion it’s okay for me to disagree with only one thing. He is teaching me about God. He has only believed in God for a couple months, I have my entire life. But idgaf, I clearly don’t know shit since my way does clearly not work. And he has taught me many things I didn’t know about God.
But TS is different. It has stopped me from relapsing many times. It rarely judges me. I can say anything I want to say(as long as it’s not offensive), I can be myself, I can pour my heart out without people thinking I’m some weak whiny bitch cuz men don’t cry.
Or am I wrong about this. Should I indeed drop TS because my sponsor tells me so?
IMO no you should not quit TS! I find a mixture of tools helps. How can you comment on something that you have never even tried I think you will find what works for you, no one should ram stuff down your throat. I could not of managed my sober time without this place. It fills so much space in my life where I would ordinarily be drinking. If it works work it! Find your way hunny, we are here for you.
I can see some cautionary wisdom in your sponsors words. Your stated addiction is the internet, the online world. Is it possible to completely disconnect, to be 100% “internet sober”?. Yes. Is it practical, considering societal shift toward all services being online? No.
Rather than view your addiction as analogous to chemical dependency, where 100% abstinence is both preferable and achievable, perhaps it might help to view it more in terms of relationship/behavior type addictions, say food or sex. One cannot survive without food, and the desire for sex and intimacy is hardwired into us as a means to ensure our survival as a species. Can one be 100% celibate? Yes, but it kinda crushes the whole “committed relationship with the possibility of children” aspect, and true, genuine, authentic intimacy is what cements partners together.
So, I can see where your sponsor is coming from. And with apologies to those suffering from food addiction and eating disorders if I botch this comparison: there’s food that hurts, and there’s food that heals. There’s food used to escape, and food that is an absolute necessity to continued functioning. In your case, there’s online activities that hurt, and are used as an escape, and there’s online activities that heal (TS, Zoom support meetings) and those that are essential to functioning in our wired world (online banking, work related email or webmeetings and training)
If TS is used as an escape, it hurts. If TS is used as a means to help you control your addiction, then it heals. Your sponsor might just be lumping TS in with Facebook, Twitter, TikTok or Instagram
I think that you should stay if it is helping you. All people will always give you an advice based on their own experience or based on what is common for most. But you can easily be the one of kind. Follow your heart and feelings BUT be always honest with yourself.
A sponsor can’t make you do shit. He can offer guidance but if he is a good sponsor he won’t make you do shit. And personally this app isn’t doing any harm too you bud, if thats the case I’m fucked as well lol
Great question. At first I want to defend TS and tell you to not listen to your sponsor because I feel TS has been such a great help for me personally. And apparently you do too. But maybe your sponsor has a point? I’m not sure. You seem to have been off for awhile and you thought you should get back on because it helped you. You can always look to God for guidance. You might not get an answer right away but you could get an answer when and where you least expect it.
I was struggling for an answer one time about this mission trip I signed up for. Then after all the training I did the timing with my family turned out to be bad, but I didn’t want to cancel because I made a commitment. I prayed and asked God for help. I got nothing. Then one day a couple of weeks later it hit me like a ton of bricks while I was in the shower. God had answered my prayer. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
I think you’ll make the right decision. And if it’s not working out you can change that decision.
Thank you all very much for the advice. @Yoda-Stevie you have a really good point about internet being a big part of life nowadays and it probably will continue being so. Internet is fucking dangerous, but grants you a lot of safety at the same time. I have to learn to navigate it safely for me. Netflix has addicting series and very useful documentaries such as the social dilemma. YouTube has lots of fucked up shit and explanatory video’s for school. TS has the just-for-fun category and all other categories. I luckily have started getting a good understanding of what is and what isn’t save. Now gotta learn to act on it. Won’t go back to netflix though, too hard for me, at least now it is.
Absolutely. I don’t know a period in my life where I wasn’t obsessing. When 4-ish I read books until the middle of the night. Nowadays I can obsess over anything… Except working out and homework… But that’s a good thing though,in a way it means I can do both safely, at least for now.
If I don’t look for help when needing help, TS can’t give me that. If no-one knows I’m struggling, noone can give me advice. The relapses are also because I was sceptical about them being addictions. Now I know though.
I do see how it really seems like TS isn’t helping and your comment really has really helped me think deeply about if TS helps me, so thanks for your input even if I don’t fully agree.
Yup
Absolutely. The meme threads, the badges and user stats have hurt me to some extent. But all the help, the knowledge, lack of judgement and everything else has helped me tremendously when I was open for it.[quote=“DarrenUK, post:12, topic:105406”]
How many hours do you spend active on the forum?
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About 1, but looking to make it more during the lockdown to distract me from YouTube and netflix cravings[quote=“DarrenUK, post:12, topic:105406”]
How many hours do you average on the Zoom meetings that happen?
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Nowadays 5 minutes, but looking to change that as well.
Anything can be used as a drug, especially for those of us who have addictive personalities. The internet is ubiquitous, that much is true; however, you must take a hard look at the reasons why you use what you do.
I suggest listening to what your sponsor is trying to say; perhaps he wants you to abstain from the internet so as to learn how to live without it. How to maintain healthy relationships without cyber validation, how to cope with face-to-face conflict in a meaningful and safe manner…
If social media and video games, where you form friendships online, become life altering, perhaps your sponsor wants you to learn how to live without them… can you imagine even 1 whole day without internet?
It is possible, even in this day and age, to live a meaningful life without it.
Yeah. Feels like it won’t quite be easy, but not hard either. Thing is, I keep in touch with my friends through WhatsApp or other online means as I can’t easily visit someone 30 miles away from me. Nowadays the best way to make new friends is Snapchat. Almost no one has social skills to start new friendships. And as I don’t have Snapchat, it’s already hard for me to make or keep up friendships. I can only keep contact with friends who live near me which is only one person. So giving up internet would really fuck my friendships. But I can live with tha if necessary. I’ve spent the majority of my life friendless, so can do that again
Great topic and great replies.
All I can add is that I would try not to take it personal. Like a personal attack on TS itself. And I’m not saying that you are. Just saying that I would. Lol.
I would feel the need to defend TS because it has been a part of my recovery for almost 4 years. I know it’s helped me in ways that an “outsider” could not understand.
Which brings me to my second suggestion. That is prayer. I would pray on it super hard. Pray for understanding and guidance. Prayer for my sponsors help and understanding. And prayer for relief from my woes
@anon89207786 I say don’t drop TS. As much as we help you, you help us just as much if not more so you would be taking away from this forum so much of your needed support and wisdom. Please stay bro we need you here! Just my take on it, have a great day!!!
That is the point of the exercise. Learn how to make friends outside of the safety of the internet. Learning how to handle and respond to the awkwardness of starting conversations with strangers…in person.
It is all in perspective. You have proven you are worthy of friendship and love online, so too are you worthy of that physically.
I actually want to do it, but I honestly don’t think it’ll be an option for me. My sponsor is online, everything related to my job is online, my school is online. Everything. I can however try to cut out all unnecessary internet usage for a couple days
i sponsor if one of my guys said he was on a sobriety site then i wouldnt mind , i was sober way before internet and my late sponsor used to say what ever keeps you sober , i suppose using it to help is ok , sign of the times Dutchie
I think you will find what works for you, no one should ram stuff down your throat. I could not of managed my sober time without this place. It fills so much space in my life where I would ordinarily be drinking. If it works work it! Find your way hunny, we are here for you. 
