Thats exactly what I need to hear, thank you so much. I can’t wait for my IOP consultation next week. Right now I’m 24 hours and that’s all. Im so sick of this evil cycle. Its now affecting my work. I’m not ready to give up yet. The hardest part is not having any sober friends or any sober support. So i just hide at my house. Thats all i want to do is hide.
Hi you mleclaire - I’ll write to you tomorrow. Thank you so much for writing to me. It means so much. I’m very grateful for your kindness… xx Lucy (Love how you call me Luce ;-))
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Downloaded This Naked Mind, so I always have it handy. Read it 4 times now. You girls (sorry if that sounds patronizing) are all so inspiring.
Glad you did! It’s a great eye-opening, and inspiring read. I wish you well and stay strong! 
I know you can!
It’s a pleasure! We are all here to share and help each other through this. Another thing that helped me was first thing in the morning after I woke up, when I thought to myself “I’m done!” I wrote down how I felt, and all the reasons not to drink anymore. And I re-read it and re-read it. I keep it in my email draft folder so it’s always there if I need to read it. I helps!
I messed up last night. Went for dinner fully knowing and wanting and ‘needing’ a glass of wine. And I thought what we all do (and I knew it) that “I deserve it after 10 days of sobriety.” Even my husband said when I ordered the bottle of white, I thought you were not drinking until our vacation in July. And I was like, “Hey, I’ve had nothing to drink for 10 days so be proud of me.” (Justification/manipulation). So we split a bottle of wine. And strangely, I was ok, and weirdly, even glad I did it - because even drinking it, I was not really enjoying it. I didn’t want anymore when we were done, went home, and put on my pj’s, drank some water and went to bed. I’m not going to beat myself up. And I’m glad my husband said that - “I thought you were not drinking until our vacation in July” because when he says that, I feel almost like a little girl getting in trouble for something she knows she shouldn’t be doing. So I’m ok. I am giving myself a “mulligan” and will not re-start my clock because that will depress me. I need to keep the continuum going for motivation. If I do it again, I will re-set it, but looking back on my last 10 days, I am reminded of how good I felt. I got SO much done yesterday it’s crazy. Things I’d put off for months/years. So I’m ok. Thanks for listening - and by the way, it’s not the sweets I crave - it’s protein and salt! 
xx
This is why people suggest working a program. So we can learn to live without booze. It only took you 10 days to think of a reason to drink. Nothing bad happened so now you can justify a reason to drink again. This is the vicious cycle of alcohol. You might want to add some tools to your kit this time around so you can make it longer than 10 days.
Another big thing about recovery is rigorous honesty. By not resetting your counter you are not being honest with yourself. That is just another thing that will make it easier for you to drink in the future.
I’m glad nothing bad happened this time but it’s not something that is worth testing again. You never know which relapse might be your last.
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Your next “mulligan” could kill you or someone else. This relapse is something to learn from. You already know how to justify drinking. What can you take away from this to further your sobriety?
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Hi Lucy
Sending you hugs. I got to 55 days the last time I quit and then figured I’d be able to get a handle on my drinking 
Shared a bottle of wine with my OH. Like you, didn’t enjoy it. A week later, had some more and quickly I was back to drinking daily and quit again. It was hard to reset my clock but I did it.
I truly hope this was just a blip for you and you can maintain your sobriety moving forward 
I often regret my relapse and think of how many days I’d have if I hadn’t reset. But I also know if I hadn’t reset my clock, it would be so easy to just “cheat” here and there in the future again. And then my sober time would be a lie. And if you don’t want to reset after 10 days, you definitely won’t want to after 30 or more 
Anyway for you it was one night’s drinks instead of a week like me, so different, and I hope you find it easy to get back on track. For me that first drink led to a gradual slide back to drinking. Best of luck!!
(Oh and I’m on Day 50 today, looking forward to surpassing Day 55 this time! 
)
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Thanks Melba for your compassion and story. I appreciate the positivity. I’ll be ok. 
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Oh Luce…wish I could give you a big hug right now. You started off right by saying you messed up last night. It’s ok to have caved, relapses do happen but I don’t like that you’re rationalizing it 
unfortunately and this is what I always say to people is if my addiction could if it his way, he’d have me alone in a dark room. My addiction wants me dead. So when I hear you saying it’s ok and whatnot, it’s straight up your addiction telling you that. We all feel like we deserve a reward for a job well done but understand that in reality that easily becomes a vicious cycle. Like @Englishd said, working a program keeps you honest and on the straight and narrow. It reminds you every single day why you are sober. It is not wasted time by any means but you’re so new in early recovery you have to remain with your guard up. You’re fragile 
thanks for being honest and letting me know…reset your clock though. I came home from detox and the minute I opened my parents fridge saw an open bottle of wine and just started drinking from it. The minute I got home. We all have slip ups but if we aren’t truthful with ourselves, the addiction without us knowing will slip in and take over again 
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I appreciate your note. Not sure I would kill me or anyone, since I walked one block, but I hear what you are saying and thank you for taking the time to read my story.
Thank you for your comments and advice. They are taken to heart. I will reset my clock.
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Thanks Mleclaire. I’m just trying to be honest about my experience… I don’t want to come here to cry and get in sh*t from people (not you) Next time I don’t want to feel like I shouldn’t say anything, and instead I will just come here to read for support. In fact, I wanted just to send you a private message. In any case, I read folks’ responses and I guess I have to appreciate that it is tough love from afar and from people who have been there and care. So I have to grow up. We all have our own journeys, and I’m trying hard. I won’t get into it but yesterday evening was a very tough night, and yes I know I know I know I have to deal with stress sober-ly. We all do. Day one. Thank you - you are a dear.
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Message me privately
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Hey @Lucy70, plesse keep coming back and sharing as you need to. I know many of us feel a bit attacked in early days, as well as having some fairly raw emotions…all is very understandable and very normal. Please know that the advice you hear comes from folks with an array of experiences and is meant to help. I know it can sometimes feel harsh. Don’t let it deter you from posting and reading everything you can. Educating ourselves and learning from others experience is such a positive for our sobriety.
I am happy you reset, that is a good step. Being honest with ourselves is so important.
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I don’t know how to message you privately… 
I’m going for a bike ride so will check in, in a couple hours xo
I messaged you back!
Ty for sharing Ty for being here Sobriety has to be our number 1 priority Without sobriety we will eventually lose everything we cherish Keep coming back Go to meetings pray like hell to whomever you chose
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I wish I had this forum when I was first started to try and get sober. I had 0 accountability in my life. Keep coming back. I’ve noticed that the more active a person is on this forum the better chance they have at staying sober so you are on the right path.
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