I fell off of the wagon again and this time I really outdid myself. My behavior was terrible and people are talking about it today. I am completely embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Why can’t I stay sober? WHY? My husband is ashamed of me and it’s killing me. My behavior while drinking has never been in the spotlight until last night. And now today I am the topic of everyone’s conversation. I can’t stand myself.
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Oh no! 
I’m sorry to hear that. What happened that you drank again?
Don’t get me wrong but maybe this was something that had to happen?
Some say they needed a rock-bottom-moment to understand that they have to stop using their drug, to stop destroying themselves and their relationships.
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Nothing happened. My son races dirt bikes and we are here for the weekend staying in our trailer. It’s just the vibe of the place. All of our friends were drinking. I just need to get a grip and control my will power. Something has to change.
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We must hold on to our hearts (literally put your hands over your heart), admit your mistake, forgive yourself for it, and make a plan to move on one day at a time. I think Disney + was a great decision!!
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I had to stay sober to become happy
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Third times a charm 
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Since many many years I think that Wicca and Buddhism are two ways that suit me. But I don’t practice any of it. I can’t (and don’t want to) decide what path to follow. For me both are true somehow, if that makes any sense 
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Yeah man you practice however you want, I’m 1000% sure there’s Wiccan Buddhists.
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Today is a full moon / blood moon. I might do a Ritual today to leave old, unwanted things behind and to look into a bright and beautiful future 
I need to get this out.
Some time has passed since my latest relapse. Today I realized that I changed more than I thought I would or could:
I started drawing again.
I finally made a big change in my diet (today I chose nuts and gnocchi over chips and cake, for me that’s HUGE)
I go and get help when I need it without shame.
I journal.
I meditate.
I start to go out more again, means that I allow more people around me even if it first feels uncomfortable, but I know I need to do that.
No real craving since day 1. I thought about it 1 or 2 times but it was seconds. I know this can change anytime so I won’t ever stop being wide awake about that.
Even tho I’m sitting here with a hurting back I feel happy. Because I did all of the above and there is more to come.
Love you all 
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relapse is apart of recovery that’s what I was once told
it don’t matter how many times you fall it matters how you pick yourself back up
don’t beat yourself up we all make mistakes and we are all ashamed of them but more we beat ourselves up the more we keep falling … I’m coming back from a relapse 2 and half weeks clean your not alone if you ever want someone to talk to please feel free to message me anytime
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Updated the text because writing in a packed train is a nightmare haha!
And here I am today. Rocking it 
You can achieve that too, it’s absolutely possible but you have to be brutally honest to yourself.
This time every day was day 1 for me. This way I see it different than last time. But a lot more has changed.
Thank you fam for always being here and listening
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Beautiful!! Congratulations on your 200 days!!!
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Congrats 
. Really happy for you. I know you’re working hard.
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Congratulations on your 200 Days Sabrina.
I’m so happy you are back where you belong.
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How cool to update this post
with these numbers 
You are doing so great!
Huge congratulations… 
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Nice job!!! 
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Cool 
das freut mich für dich. Krass, wie schnell die Zahlen sich addieren. 
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