This is amazing, I love it! 
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Another trip, one year later, to see my sister and her family. I was closing in on a month sober last time. Now it’s been over a year.
I’m having to activelly think “I’m not a drinker anymore” because not only did I make a habit of drinking when visiting her for the past 13 years (except for the last 3-day visit last year), but also she finds it awkward that I’m not partaking. I actually feel quite tempted when she opens a bottle and shares with her husband - I used to be part of that early evening ritual. Not anymore. It feels very strange.
I’m putting my sober head on a pillow again tonight and grateful for it. It should be easier by now, shouldn’t it? I think I still have quite a ways to go to not be triggered by some situations.
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Good job on staying sober!! Idk, I think if you only see her once a year, then it is literally only the 2nd time you have been in that situation as a non drinker. So no, in my mind, I think it is normal to feel uncomfortable. If you socialized with them weekly or monthly, I think you would get used to it…but it seems like a lot to expect that of yourself right now.
And yes, I imagine it would be awkward for her as well. Can you all talk about it? Or would you rather not? No right or wrong there.
It can take time to navigate and build the new relationship and it can feel weird until you all get comfortable with it. That is all okay. Just be careful to nurture your self and sobriety if feeling iffy or tempted…take a walk, beg off and go read or to bed, come on here. You are doing great.
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What Sassy said. Only your second time in this particular situation. Not nice but only logical that you’re triggered.
You’re sober. And you’re here for help. You win. Hugs.
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Thank you, Sassy…and you’re right. I haven’t talked about it. I don’t know if I can find the words, I haven’t talked to anybody really. I just…stopped drinking.
I joined her on a crossfit class (never done it before) and it was very nice. Promised to go for a run with my niece in the early morning. Trying to create meaningful experiences that do not involve alcohol.
Let’s see how things go tomorrow…
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Makes sense, when I think about it that way. And to be honest, last time it was such a quick trip and I was out and about a lot.
My husband was here with me at that time too, and he kind of buffers me from any pressure because I’ll just say I’m not having any, thank you, but he’d love a glass. He can stop at just one glass or two and we joke about the whole thing and move on.
Without him (the only person who really knows why I’m not drinking), it’s not as easy.
Sigh. I’ll manage. I just really want to rebuild what my sister and I do together sans alcohol.
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Crossfit and a run sound like great memory making activities.
It can take a little time to build new traditions and such. Maybe have some fun fizzy water for yourself or ginger beer (high sugar, but no beer in it and super tasty) for wine time. See if they want to take a walk after dinner. Or play a board game, puzzle or some such. Idk just ideas.
It is weird tho, no denying.
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That’s a good suggestion for the wine replacement…I think it if I have something that I enjoy in a wine glass (it’s what I do at home) it helps. My teacup was looking very out of place in the whole ambiance 
The run with my niece was absolutely wonderful. I actually noticed that she asked if she could have a sip of wine last night (she is only 11) which my sister said no, only when she is 16. I chatted about lots of things when we jogged and asked her why she wanted to try wine. She said she didn’t know, just seems to be what grown ups do. So I mentioned to her that she shouldn’t hurry this, and as a matter of fact I had not had wine in over a year. She was surprised, and I told her very casually that I feel like I have much more energy when I don’t. And we talked about other things. No big deal.
I feel good that she knows now that her aunt, someone she looks up to (and she more and more is following things I did or do) doesn’t drink
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The impact we make is real, what a wonderful exchange and moment in time.
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Ok, so the surprise if the day was that my sister and her husband skipped the wine tonight and we had an absolute blast singing karaoke with the kids after dinner - loads of laughter, one of my best nights ever visiting her!
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Oh wow!! I love this for you!! Sounds super fun and very considerate.
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Another day, another business trip. This time, a conference. This time, I’m one of the keynote speakers to open this conference.
Wow.
What a difference 400+ days make.
I could never have arrived here, doing this, if alcohol was still taking up a lot of my time, energy, mental space, health…
Don’t get me wrong: I’m terrified. I feel very nervous about speaking in front of a crowd. The topic is not my strongest, but I have good talking points. Haven’t really done this before. But I pushed for it at work, convinced my boss it was a great idea and here I am.
The hotel is fancy and has a fancy minibar to match. I worked in my speech the entire day in the room. My thoughts wondered towards the small bottle of wine. Should I ask them to remove it? No, it’s ok. Because I know that having a sip would be simply catastrophic. I’m not interested in undoing all the good work I’ve done.
It’s not like the temptation is not there - it always is with this kind of trip, when I’m alone and could theoretically do whatever I wanted. I’m a bit stronger now. But don’t want to get cocky either - so here is me, being held accountable.
No one in my family or friends irl would know. But I would know and you would too.
Sending hugs to you al
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Wow what a great opportunity! All fingers crossed. And I think you will do just fine.
Congratulations on your 400+ days sober. 
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Look at you facing your fears head on.
Supporting you during your speech from afar.
Congrats on your 400+ days!
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426 days, back home.
Safe, sound, happy and alcohol-free.
Did I mention happy?
It went really well. I was so nervous when I stepped on that stage. Never done something like that in my life. Prepared myself best as I could the day before, repeating my main points until they came out naturally.I was among my industry’s giants. It was a big deal for me. I spoke clearly and had very positive feedback from the conference attendees. Even one of my former bosses was there - from a company I left in December - and was impressed! Mission accomplished!
Yesterday my teammates called me before the awards ceremony at the end of the event to tell me to join them - they were having drinks.
I finished my coffee calmly and joined them. Asked for a coke zero. “You don’t drink?” “No, not really” They were surprised - even though culturally some of them were not supposed to drink. In their young minds they probably thought “If she comes from a culture that allows you to drink, why wouldn’t she?” I refrained from qualifying “why I don’t drink”. It’s not a big deal. And sure enough, the amount of time spent dwelling on it is just under a minute. Had a great chat and laughs.
The awards ceremony. A bar at the very entrance, and I get a glass with sparking water, ice and lemon. My teammates and everyone around is having one glass after another. The conversation is not that engaging - I excuse myself and find my former boss and a former colleague. They are also having drinks and I join them with a cup of tea. Have a lovely conversation and they don’t even notice I’m not drinking.
Lunch was great and the team goes out for more drinks after. I told them I was treating myself to a spa treatment and that was that.
I’m so happy I managed all these moments so much better than I would have 425 days ago! I didn’t feel pressured to drink or the need to soften the stress of the situation by drinking.
So happy.
So grateful.
Appreciate you all being part of my growth and being witnesses to it - it’s the thing that I feel like I miss in real life, and having you here means the world to me… Really does.
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Congrats to you! 
You’ve done the hard work for 425 days and look where it’s gotten you! So proud of you! Continue going forward my friend.
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Wow what a great post. 
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What a great success story Anna. You handled it all so well. So proud of you. That’s really HUGE.
Congratulations on your 426 days of saying NO!!
Edit:
Gosh. I didn’t even know this was your own thread. That’s so cool.
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Thank you, Eric. It’s crazy to think of how much my life changed since I started the thread.
It’s funny how sometimes things don’t work out the way you wanted it but it works out for the best.
I stopped drinking because I had to do it for my health and for my family, and it coincidentally was a time when a new boss was going to join my company. I wanted to present my best effort for her. I was looking forward to the potential we could unleash together. How wrong I was.
She turned out to be a horrible boss who cut me at the knees from day 1, trying to diminish me and - well - steal my accomplishments, Who mocked me for not drinking. A truly toxic person, the likes of which I never met before. Or never was the main target of this toxicity I suppose. It was disorienting, baffling, and nearly broke me.
The situation deteriorated very quickly, and my resolve to stay sober became even more solid. I would not become less, be dimmed, by someone like that. I would not give her any excuse to say I was not performing at my best. I would not compromise my integrity as a person and as a professional. Alcohol could muddy everything and it was out of the question.
Fast forward a year, I have a new job, new challenges, a supportive boss, and am realizing my potential. This conference was so important to me. It really showed that all the struggles, the pain, and the resolve to overcome them are worth it.
I could say “I’m getting there”.
But there is no “there”, I don’t think.
So I’ll say “I’m on the right path” I’ll stumble for sure and may not always turn the right way, but I’m on the right path, with a clear mind and appreciating the flowers along the way. 
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