Need to be held accountable - travels, social occasions and life as it is

[desert_rose]

Another day, another business trip. This time, a conference. This time, I’m one of the keynote speakers to open this conference.

Wow.

What a difference 400+ days make.

I could never have arrived here, doing this, if alcohol was still taking up a lot of my time, energy, mental space, health…

Don’t get me wrong: I’m terrified. I feel very nervous about speaking in front of a crowd. The topic is not my strongest, but I have good talking points. Haven’t really done this before. But I pushed for it at work, convinced my boss it was a great idea and here I am.

The hotel is fancy and has a fancy minibar to match. I worked in my speech the entire day in the room. My thoughts wondered towards the small bottle of wine. Should I ask them to remove it? No, it’s ok. Because I know that having a sip would be simply catastrophic. I’m not interested in undoing all the good work I’ve done.

It’s not like the temptation is not there - it always is with this kind of trip, when I’m alone and could theoretically do whatever I wanted. I’m a bit stronger now. But don’t want to get cocky either - so here is me, being held accountable.

No one in my family or friends irl would know. But I would know and you would too.

Sending hugs to you al

[anon74766472]

Wow what a great opportunity! All fingers crossed. And I think you will do just fine.

Congratulations on your 400+ days sober.

[Lisa07]

Look at you facing your fears head on.
Supporting you during your speech from afar.
Congrats on your 400+ days!

[Mno]

[desert_rose]

426 days, back home.

Safe, sound, happy and alcohol-free.

Did I mention happy?

It went really well. I was so nervous when I stepped on that stage. Never done something like that in my life. Prepared myself best as I could the day before, repeating my main points until they came out naturally.I was among my industry’s giants. It was a big deal for me. I spoke clearly and had very positive feedback from the conference attendees. Even one of my former bosses was there - from a company I left in December - and was impressed! Mission accomplished!

Yesterday my teammates called me before the awards ceremony at the end of the event to tell me to join them - they were having drinks.

I finished my coffee calmly and joined them. Asked for a coke zero. “You don’t drink?” “No, not really” They were surprised - even though culturally some of them were not supposed to drink. In their young minds they probably thought “If she comes from a culture that allows you to drink, why wouldn’t she?” I refrained from qualifying “why I don’t drink”. It’s not a big deal. And sure enough, the amount of time spent dwelling on it is just under a minute. Had a great chat and laughs.

The awards ceremony. A bar at the very entrance, and I get a glass with sparking water, ice and lemon. My teammates and everyone around is having one glass after another. The conversation is not that engaging - I excuse myself and find my former boss and a former colleague. They are also having drinks and I join them with a cup of tea. Have a lovely conversation and they don’t even notice I’m not drinking.

Lunch was great and the team goes out for more drinks after. I told them I was treating myself to a spa treatment and that was that.

I’m so happy I managed all these moments so much better than I would have 425 days ago! I didn’t feel pressured to drink or the need to soften the stress of the situation by drinking.

So happy.

So grateful.

Appreciate you all being part of my growth and being witnesses to it - it’s the thing that I feel like I miss in real life, and having you here means the world to me… Really does.

[Alisa]

Congrats to you! You’ve done the hard work for 425 days and look where it’s gotten you! So proud of you! Continue going forward my friend.

[tailee17]

Wow what a great post.

[Dazercat]

What a great success story Anna. You handled it all so well. So proud of you. That’s really HUGE.
Congratulations on your 426 days of saying NO!!

Edit:
Gosh. I didn’t even know this was your own thread. That’s so cool.

[desert_rose]

Thank you, Eric. It’s crazy to think of how much my life changed since I started the thread.

It’s funny how sometimes things don’t work out the way you wanted it but it works out for the best.

I stopped drinking because I had to do it for my health and for my family, and it coincidentally was a time when a new boss was going to join my company. I wanted to present my best effort for her. I was looking forward to the potential we could unleash together. How wrong I was.

She turned out to be a horrible boss who cut me at the knees from day 1, trying to diminish me and - well - steal my accomplishments, Who mocked me for not drinking. A truly toxic person, the likes of which I never met before. Or never was the main target of this toxicity I suppose. It was disorienting, baffling, and nearly broke me.

The situation deteriorated very quickly, and my resolve to stay sober became even more solid. I would not become less, be dimmed, by someone like that. I would not give her any excuse to say I was not performing at my best. I would not compromise my integrity as a person and as a professional. Alcohol could muddy everything and it was out of the question.

Fast forward a year, I have a new job, new challenges, a supportive boss, and am realizing my potential. This conference was so important to me. It really showed that all the struggles, the pain, and the resolve to overcome them are worth it.

I could say “I’m getting there”.

But there is no “there”, I don’t think.

So I’ll say “I’m on the right path” I’ll stumble for sure and may not always turn the right way, but I’m on the right path, with a clear mind and appreciating the flowers along the way.