And for the new day, you know you can do it and that you did do it!
Get that workout in, drink plenty of water so you don’t get thirsty when the others start their self poisoning ritual. Make sure you don’t get too hungry either, have a snack handy.
Your reason to be abstaining is awesome. Of course you are in training. You are training for the amazing life you get to have sober! No more hangovers, better sleep, less anxiety, more money, and best for your health.
Keep checking here and we are cheering you on!
I recently attended a professional conference and was nervous about a relapse too. Having a plan and the support of this group helped a lot. You are doing a great job. Keep it up! You deserve to be safe and healthy and happy.
Travel went well yesterday. The team didn’t join until late so I decided to explore the city on foot and have dinned at a simple restaurant where no alcohol was served.
Today it was tough. Change in plans mid afternoon meant all the team members decided to take a break at a bar. I was the only one not drinking. Do you not drink? No, not today.
Then in the evening again. Why aren’t you drinking? I’m training for a race. But when is the race? February. Then why aren’t you drinking today?
and on and on.
It was very frustrating.
I almost caved in an attempt to fit in.
But then the voice of reason won: you have a drink and then what? you’re going to be best buddies with them? no. your boss will suddenly stop treating you awfully? no. will drinking in any way make your life better - other than ease the discomfort of this specific day? no.
I won’t lie, it really sucked.
But it is what it is.
Taking a bath to get the bad vibes out and hitting the pillow sober.
You kept your head and stood your ground! Well done!! Your drinking habits are not your co-workers’ business. You are not accountable to them. I think you handled the situation well.
You definitely deserve a manicure, lady! (If you fancy those, that is!)
I did. By evening I said I stopped drinking for some time in April and decided that everything is better without alcohol (for me). So I just don’t want any.
I happen to have a horrible boss (female, not much older than me) who is very intent on making me feel inadequate and discredit my 3 years worth of hard work (she’s been with the company 4 months). She’s the one pushing me to drink.
It’s all very sad. I’m shy and even though I learned how to handle it, I think drinking started as a crutch for me to fit in and be more easygoing in social situations. To be one of the boys. To not be the goodytooshoes girl.
Sigh. It was tough yesterday. I feel like I went back 25 years in my life, back to when I felt that way. I was again the good girl. The one who can’t handle a crude joke (and I really can’t) and can’t keep up with the boys when they are “being boys”.
But I don’t think those are bad things to be. To be good. To say hm, this joke is not something to share with a girl. To say I don’t really think getting sloshed looks good on anyone at 4pm on a Monday.
F%^*
I’m very upset about all this, in the sense that I thought I was better prepared for it. I still have a lot of work to do to be more confident without the help of alcohol.
I’m confident in my work
I’m confident in my worth
I’m confident in my looks (not perfect and not young, but comfortable in my skin)
I’m comfortable in my choice of not drinking
I’m looking deep to be confident on not caring about what others think.
We need ourselves a new tribe. One where stuff doesn’t always revolves around drinking. Most people don’t get drunk every week actually. It does take time. And work. It’s doable. Hang with us to begin with. Hugs.
Thank you, Menno. I needed to hear this. I’ve been teary eyed since I got back from dinner last night. Had a fast run in the morning but still couldn’t shake the feeling.
I get that you feel defeated. It’s ok not to be ok all the time. Recovery is a life style change, a process that happens gradually in different areas of your life, including your thinking. You are not a freak who doesn’t drink! You are a magnificent and beautiful person who chose freedom over chains of addiction. That’s something you can tell yourself everyday. Come here, read, interact and be reminded why you chose to be sober.
We stopped for coffee as a break in the program and I was able to connect with everyone with meaningful conversations. I was engaged, listening, genuinely interested. I enjoyed my coffee, the cold water and the company. I think “the boys” felt the same. Everyone had a light and breezy conversation and was happy to be there.
I was happy with my clear eyes, calm heart and steady hands holding my coffee. It is always an amazing feeling for me, after trying to disguise my withdrawal/hangover from everyone for so long. My voice sounds better. My gestures don’t have to be controlled. I can look everyone in the eyes.
You are very right: the freedom from all that is wondeful and I need to never forget that.
Happy to report that I just landed and this was another sober experience for my book
At the airport, I went shopping for a few sweet treats and didn’t bother going to the lounge, where the drinking crowd would have been having their “lasties”. I passed by the restaurant where they used to serve one of my favorites…it’s strange to think I probably will choose another restaurant, if given a choice.
Will reflect on all this. In the end, even if I was uncomfortable and feeling out of place when things got a bit too drunk around me, I think it was a good thing.
I work with these people, and if I’m seen as more in control, and a bit more conservative, that is fine.
I realized that I’ll laugh at things that are funny and have a good time if people around me are interesting/pleasant to be with. If that is not happening, to put an “alcohol filter” to make things look more fun or enjoyable when they really aren’t…sounds a bit silly.
Thank you @Olivia@Mno and @SoberGuyUSA for being my buddies this trip…you are an awesome bunch
This means a lot to me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Clarity of mind means I have no excuses for my behaviour or reactions anymore. If I do or say something, right or wrong, I need to take responsibility for it.
It’s very hard.
I’m doing my best, even if it’s (as everything) work in progress.
No one should ever feel anything but proud of their self for not drinking… yay you!
Ridicule, persuasion and all of this from people around you is simply those people with their own drinking problem trying to push it over on you so they will not feel their own inadequacy as drinkers. Do not feel intimidated by them. Or hurt, or upset.
I really feel that most drinkers have a “problem”.
Why? Because it changes behavior and they are protective of their right to drink.
It is so in our culture. I will be happy to see alcohol go down some notches.
You have picked a good behavior for you (not drinking).
Always be grateful you quit. As time goes on it will be easier for you to be around drinking and you will see when you can just opt out. Your boss is totally 100% out of line.
Would she cajole a fentanyl addict to take one just for fun? No.
It is exactly the same thing, except one is legal and accepted by a lot of society more.
I’m now at a friend’s house for the weekend, as part of a reunion. The three of us used to have a lot of fun together, but always with a lot of drinking involved.
This is the first time I’m not drinking with them.
It’s been…different.
I’m hoping it will not change our relationship. These are dear friends. They don’t know that I stopped drinking because it became a problem. But they’ve seen the problematic behaviour before and
I’m hoping they will not be disappointed that I just cannot moderate…I have to have zero alcohol.
I’m enjoying their company, but could have access to drinks whenever I would like, if I wanted them. It’s a bit strange to say no, thank you…but I’m not feeling the pull as strongly as I did before.
This is the third night I’ve stayed, and the only adult not drinking. Including other friends who came over.
I’m doing ok for now. Going to sleep with a clear mind and a calm heart.
That sounds really positive Anna. Glad for you. Do I understand rightly that there’s no pressure on you to drink or to explain why your not drinking? That would be very nice too.
Friendships might change a bit but they certainly don’t have to end when you all can adjust somewhat. Good night and sleep well friend.
I know I did the right thing, but I feel defeated. Really sad today.
