Need to be held accountable - travels, social occasions and life as it is

Hosting Thanksgiving dinner for 35 guests today. In the past 2 years it completely derailed my sobriety.

Very, very conscious of it.

This year will be different. It has to be.


It will be different because you will make it so. It’s you at the wheel Anna, despite all the lies you might hear as whispers in your head from the addicted part of your brain. 35 Guests is a lot! Hope it will be enjoyable. I’d say you need your sober wits to make it all work smoothly. Have a good sober party friend. Hugs.

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Thank you, Menno. Navigating it so far. I’ve done this for the past 10 years, and it’s my favorite holiday to host but in the last few years I ended up not in a good place in the days that followed.

Last year a dear, dear friend noticed how I started avoiding being with everyone later in the evening. I think she attributed it in part to me being a bit on the sad side. There was a lot going on at that time. But I’m sure she noticed also that I was feeling self conscious about the fact that I had too much to drink.

This time, I want to have a good night and a good day after :heart: I don’t want to “disappear” anymore.

The decorations look very nice. Turkeys are roasting. Drinks are ready but not for me. I have my own, some NA flavored sparkling drinks.

I want this to go well this time.


It was one of my favorite Thanksgiving celebrations…ever.

Everyone had a good time, it was very nice and cozy. I was able to chat with all my guests and give them a warm welcome. The food was good, the music just right, the weather was beautiful.

Thankful for so much. Most of all for being all there and not having that first drink. I felt the pull many times during the day, evening and after everyone was gone.

Kept a glass of sparkling drink in my hand any time I could, and had a cozy cup of tea with pecan pie at the end. Asked my husband to put away the leftover drinks at the end. I didn’t want them lingering there.

My first Thanksgiving sober. wow.


Sounds perfect, glad you had a great time :sparkling_heart:

Had a short trip with my oldest son. Out yesterday, back today. I’m so incredibly happy that I had multiple occasions when in the past I would have had a glass (or 2 or 3) of wine…but didn’t this time.

The thought crossed my mind. But more a curious thought of - would I drink now? What would that look like? Than a serious consideration.

It was a fantastic, unforgettable experience with just the two of us. I had not traveled just with him since he was a 2-year-old baby…

I was 100% there. We talked, laughed, cheered and celebrated.

Wouldn’t have traded any of it for the best wine vintage in the world…which to me, today, does not hold any appeal at all. Happy :heart:


Off I go again. Different destination, different interactions, different triggers.

This time, I may see a friend during a business trip who was my enabler (and vice-versa) on partying too hard until a few years ago, when I moved.

The few times I visited, I fell into old habits. Very, very badly.

Now, as I’m about to take off, he messages: “I’ll bring the wine”. I said it was not necessary. He insists. I say how about a walk outside and coffee.

I think this may be a time I need to just say it like it is, that I don’t drink anymore. I’m not sure there is any way around it.


That’s awesome. I’m very proud to be a non-drinker.


Loved your story.

It was awkward for me. We grabbed decaf coffee. Sat down to watch the game at a lounge. I said: “Listen, there’s something I’d like to tell you but I really haven’t told anyone. It’s nothing bad. It’s just that I haven’t had a drink since March. And I’m not planning to drink today either. I don’t know if I won’t drink ever again, but I know I don’t want to drink today.”

He said “That’s cool”. But yeah, it was a moment that he realized it’s a big change. It’s a big deal. For me and for our friendship.

@Bootz I think he might do the same…at his own time. I have no particular reason to think this, but I have a feeling…he might follow what your friend did. And I’ll feel good about it if it happens, even if today was a weird day and it felt a bit like I was “breaking up” with him, if you know what I mean…separating from the alcohol-infused friendship we used to have.

Going to bed sober. A weird day. But as any sober day, a good one, when good things happened and I was clear minded to notice.


Travel back home means two long flights - one long, one extremely long - and a long layover. All full of opportunities to get a drink here and there.

I’m proud of the fact that when the drinks trolley passed again and again, wine bottles clinking, I stuck with my coke zero. Water. Tea. Coffee.

It wasn’t easy, even after all this time (8 months). I had this habit for decades, it will take time to change it permanently.

Still keeping up the good fight :muscle:


Welcome home and happy sober holidays Anna! Your story is an inspiration. Hugs and love.

Btw, flying sober is a true positive for me after years of drinking ever more without finding any… Whatever I was looking for. It’s just habit. And habits can be altered with a bit of work


Keep checking in here to remind yourself that you don’t need booze, play the scenario forward, you know like waking up with that feeling of dread what did i do/say did i make a holy show of myself, my head is banging and the anxiety is through the roof and not forgetting shit day 1 again, just a reminder for you, you can do this wishing you well

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Thank you - it’s easy to start forgetting how bad things were before…my mornings were always so difficult. Feeling exhausted, headache, foggy mind, trying to disguise the red eyes, puffy face, smell of alcohol, shaking hands…just wating for that day to end. And at the end of the day, have the drinks that made me feel “normal” until I fell asleep only to wake up to the same anxious morning routine again.

I don’t want that ever again.

I know now that life can be so much better.

Still, it really is a one day at a time kind of philosophy for me.

I went out with old friends from colllege yesterday.

Everyone was drinking. Everyone was surprised I had 3 coke zeros and that was it.

Can’t blame them, last time we saw each other we closed the bar and I convinced 2 friends to head to another one to continue the heavy drinking. Closed that bar too, almost at dawn. The aftermath was a complete disaster at home. My parents were worried sick about where I was, I was horribly ill the following day and had family commitments. One of my friends who headed to the second bar with me sent me a private kind message of concern about me. It was all heartbreaking, even if I tried to make light of it at the time.

So…I may have been (again) less loud, less “fun” or less predictable in my naughty behaviour. But that is ok. I came home safely and kissed my kids goodnight after they were already asleep. Didn’t cause unnecessary worry to my ageing parents. Hit the pillow sober. Remember the conversations, and enjoyed/laughed with my friends. Didn’t have any bad behaviour to hide or be ashamed of.

Yes, I wished I could have ordered a drink. Yes, it would have felt more in line with expectations.

But no, it would not have been worth it. I would definitely not have stopped at one.

One more day sober :heart:


I find it so strange that if we had a friend that treated us the way booze does we would ditch them straight away, when i think of all the things i missed out on over the last 20 odd years because i was either drunk or hungover it pisses me right off, today i have woken up really angry, i know this is a stage i have to go through just wish it would hurry up onto the next stage

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I know what you mean, there were moments in the early days that I was so frustrated. So angry.

Mostly at myself.

For becoming dependent on alcohol. For seeing where things were heading and continuing to barrel through to the abyss as if I had no other choice. For my body starting to break down from consistent alcohol abuse. For not finding any reasonable explanation of “why” I let this all happen.

Letting go of the anger was not easy. I’m not 100% there but I’m much kinder to myself now than I was a few months ago. Sobriety helps us understand ourselves in a much deeper level. I’m very grateful for that.

Thank you for your words of support - and I send my support to you as well…congratulations on each day sober. The early ones are not easy, but it gets easier. :heart:

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Thank you very much and have a lovely christmas

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It’s been a while since I posted on this thread…but I’m really struggling right now.

I have a lot to be grateful for. I really do, The gratitude thread is my go-to place at any time. Good or bad. Happy or meh. Energetic or exhausted.

But I feel like lately I’m carriyng the weight of the world on my shoulders, trying to make sure the family ok. But I’m not ok.

I want to cry. Scream in frustration. I feel like no matter how I try to make sure I’m on the right track, the family needs always supercede mine. And this is going to sound so bitter, but my husband’s needs always come ahead of mine. His job, his need for a break, his decisions on big ticket things, such as whether we need to move the family closer to his job (and away from mine)…

I’m nearing 11 months sober. I don’t want to jeopardize this, but I’ve been really having sneaky thoughts. The worst ones, the “f-it. I’ve had it.”

I’m not going to relapse, I see the thoughts for what they are and know with absolute certainty that there is no problem that alcohol cannot make worse.

But there it is. Just venting helps.


Sorry you are feeling challenged in many ways … I think sometimes that’s always going to be the case … if it’s not one thing it’s another … and on it goes.
I’m glad you’re talking about it all and how you are feeling… and also realizing that drinking won’t have the answers or make you feel better or help anything in any way. You’re maturing in your sobriety, talking, thinking it through and not just grabbing for the bottle(s).

Hope that the days will get better, that you will feel like your own needs are considered as much as others … and if they aren’t that you know that you won’t drink today and most likely not tomorrow.

Super proud of you. You’ve gained confidence and stability in your sober self.


That’s a lot to carry. :people_hugging: I hope writing it out lessened the pressure a bit. I know it gets heavy when the world is on our shoulders.

I am glad you won’t drink at it, about one of the only things I know for sure is that drinking makes stress and problems way worse.

11 months is such an accomplishment and a lot to be proud of. You have gained a lot over those months. Sending hugs and strength and hope that you feel some relief and are able to get some rest and time to nurture yourself, you so deserve that. :heart:


Thank you, Alisa. I trust that they will. And venting here does help. I just started getting so frustrated that I needed to reaffirm that this is not going to derail all the efforts I made so far.

I need to carve out some “me time” :pray: